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ahhh so confused

(4 Posts)
hollyandnoah Tue 29-Jul-08 01:37:25

okay so its not something id normally do, but i'm sitting going crazy!

I am so close to leaving dp. I just am so confused atm.
Nothing seems to be working, we are fighting constantly, everyday.
He has the bedroom, im in the livingroom and looking after ds. He says changing ds, feeding, putting him to bed, making dinner, washing up, laundry, everything is my responsability because he works and i ' sit about the house all day' with out 7 mo ds.
His mil is horrible to me. he never stands up for me and he falls out with me if i say something back.
I feel so alone.
I am actually sleeping in the living room because i asked him to put egg shells in the bin. and he said no! he works all day, i should be doing it for him. I feel like a slave.
I really need to sort things or get the courage to leave.
I am 22 and have a 7 month old.
Dp is always shouting, bawling at me. If i get upset he calls me weak and unreasonable.

help me someone.

BrownSuga Tue 29-Jul-08 01:52:33

Holly you are both tired, you have a wee son, you're young, you're busy, and tired.

Maybe he has his role model from his dad, what was he like? Did his mum run around doing everything because his dad worked? Not an excuse, but maybe the only example he has had.

Sit down with him, let him talk about how he is feeling, what his expectations are, no interrupting. Then you do the same. See if you can talk it through. Often times communication when both are calm and listening to each other can help. Ask him to do one or two small things to start. Make bathing the baby his job when he gets in, while you finish cooking dinner, as a FUN thing for a dad and son to enjoy, not a JOB you're asking him to do. Also maybe asking him to make sure the rubbish is taken care of, as in teaching his son how to do it to. From that angle, it might seem a bit better for him to take until he gets the idea.

hollyandnoah Tue 29-Jul-08 02:01:12

Yes you are right, so right. Thank you

He bathed ds for the first time on sat. and i had to take him out the bath and dry him because he didnt want to get wet. I suppose that is where i maybe should have thanked him and agreed, but i had to ask why its okay for me to do it and not him.

Aw i just feel like such an idiot tonight! Maybe the heats making things worse lol.

But yes his dad worked and his mum didnt, i see what you mean.

BrownSuga Tue 29-Jul-08 02:09:31

My first H was similar in that his mother had to run around doing EVERYTHING in the house plus 6 boys to run around after. So when we got married, he expected the same, but that was not how I was raised. My father cooked, did dishes, did the lawns (ex wouldn't even do that if he was working the weekends), drove me mad. He was an arse besides all that anyway, so glad it ended (no kids, would have been so much harder if we had).

But if your DP isn't an arse, it's worth working on. My DH now does the ironing because he likes it. I do have to ask him to do things with DS, but think that is because it doesn't enter his head to do it. So maybe a good first step, if your DP does the baths, and something else. When he has those sussed, quietly add a third thing for him to take on, and so on... before you know it, he'll be doing it all! grin just joking. I'm of the opinion, that when dH gets in from work it's 50/50 of whatever needs doing, he needs some persuading, but is getting better, so keep plugging away, it can be done.

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