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complicated situation. what to do for the best. (long sorry)

(9 Posts)
needtosavemoney Mon 28-Jul-08 14:40:39

My family is a mess so I will give some background and see if anyone can help me figure out what to do.

my gran has been having an affair for many years. My grandad basically accepted the sitation as he believes in his wedding vows.the man she is with has been part of our family for as long as I can remember.

My gran blames my grandad for everything- He had a breakdown some years ago and cut himself off from everyone except immeadiate family. My grandad does everything except the washing and cleaning (they have cleaners who do this) My gran makes out my grandad is the laziest man alive

My gran got alziehmers about 3 years ago and gave my mum and aunt power of attorney.

My grandad then decided he wanted nothing to do with the man she is having an affair with. So as a family we asked they kept it away from my grandad and he did not come to anymore family events.

They then preceded to rub my grandads face in it causing him loads of stress to the point he had a severe stroke 3 months ago. He is now in hospital recovering.

The alziehmers is getting worse and money is going missing so mum and aunt invoke power of attorney.

The man my Gran is having the affair with has persuaded my gran they are after her money and is now in the process of suing my mum and aunt and the banks etc.

I have kept my ds's away from this situation as far as possible following being screamed at by this man when ds2 was 4 days old as I stood up for my grandad.

We have relatives fom the US coming over today and they want to meet my children. My problem is this man will be there my mum and aunt won't be.

I feel alot of loyalty to my grandad (the only male influence thru out my life) and I don't want to upset him. But I would also like to meet my relatives. My dh is not going to meet them as he will be at the hospital making sure no one gets to my grandad.

How can I protect my children from this and still be able to meet my relatives? I know if anything is said about my mum or grandad I will be unable to bite my tongue.

This probably makes no sense I think I may just run away with my boys and hope it all goes away.

cestlavie Mon 28-Jul-08 14:56:42

One question (amongst others). Why is this man who is currently suing your relatives coming to the airport to meet your other relatives? Who's invited him?

Alexa808 Mon 28-Jul-08 15:12:00

Oh dear, what a mess. Sorry for you being caught up in this with your dc.

Who does the house belong to in which which you're going to meet your relatives? If it's your family home, kick the sucker out.

If that's not possible, could you not re-arrange another location for a meeting? Just dump the bags and have a coffee with them somewhere else. There you could brief'em on the situation and they'll hopefully understand your dilemma.

Hope it goes well for you.

needtosavemoney Mon 28-Jul-08 15:16:48

my gran has invited him as he has met the relatives before.
They must be aware of the situation as my gran and the man have been on holiday to the Us together.
They are all staying at my grans so think I will have to suggest meeting in town and hope that he has the sense to stay away

cestlavie Mon 28-Jul-08 15:21:33

How together is your gran mentally? What's your own relationship like with her - not great I'm assuming but are you on speaking terms?

solo Mon 28-Jul-08 15:23:16

Your poor, poor grandad, how awful for him(and you) how very sad. I hope you can sort this all out.

needtosavemoney Mon 28-Jul-08 15:30:02

My gran is in the 2nd stage so is rubbish at short term memory and remebering to eat. She is suffering from mild depression and is convinced there is nothing wrong so won't accept any help.
We are on good speaking terms tbh I don't see her that much due to the other man constantly hovering around

cestlavie Mon 28-Jul-08 15:38:29

As you say, why not let him meet them at the airport (which is what your gran has suggested) and then meet them subsequently on neutral ground, like in town for lunch. If you think you can do so, maybe you could say to your gran given current family tensions you'd just feel really awkward if her man was there and that you'd rather it was just the relatives and you?

needtosavemoney Mon 28-Jul-08 16:21:14

I can not say anything to my gran as she will go loopy.
thanks for all the suggestions will try to meet them alone in town.
I am glad no one thnks I will upset my grandad the poor man has enough on his plate without me adding to it

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