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Panic and uncertainty about husbands return

(11 Posts)
fiveminutespeace Sun 27-Jul-08 17:51:18

Have posted before, seperated in May after a long and unhappy marriage kept thinking I could change him and make it work, but failed in so many ways. Anyway he left saying he needed to sort out his alcohol problem and would provide finacially etc. Needless to say he didn't and I had to borrow to pay bills etc, then he became aggressive, confrontational,verbally I mean. He also seems to think its OK to turn up at anytime of day or night to the house on the pretext needs to do work(he is self employed and works from home but only has a room here AKA the office) Anyway he has been in London for a week, before he went I got some very abusive texts saying I should F**k off and die bitch x9 because I said it wasnt ok to come round the house the next day. I have been to see solicitor about legal seperation and under scottish law he is allowed to come and go as he pleases because the house is in joint names. He comes back today and I just dont know how he is going to be,any advice please I know its long and rambling but I have a knot in my stomach and palpatations just thinking about what I should do normally I am so together, cant call police because he has every right to be here!!!!Just know his family would have told him to move back in as they have never liked me esp MIL who from day one has said I am only after everthing I can get WTF I helped him set up the business and looked after 4DC's. Sorry for ramblingsad

ThatBigGermanPrison Sun 27-Jul-08 17:53:54

he starts any abuse whatsoever, call the police.

He starts shouting and ranting - call the police. He becomes aggressive - call the police.

I hope you kept the texts. Show the police. Hqave him prosecuted.

Pheebe Sun 27-Jul-08 17:54:49

Is it possible to get a restraining order as he has now threatened you by text? I would phone the police (not 999) and get some advice direct from them tbh.

fiveminutespeace Sun 27-Jul-08 18:01:34

Thanks TBGP and Pheebe I have kept the texts and spoke to police they have told me they can warn him off and after that I need to apply for an exclusion order from solicitor, spoke to her 2 weeks ago and was told it is very hard to get, as we joint own home, and as such judge would deem I am trying to exclude him from his inheritance WTFangry

ThatBigGermanPrison Sun 27-Jul-08 18:02:11

I'd get a new solicitor, to be honest.

fiveminutespeace Sun 27-Jul-08 18:06:41

Been to two different ones and citizens adivce they all say the same

Amethyst86 Sun 27-Jul-08 19:23:03

You don't need to wait till he starts and then have to call 999. You can go and register complaints with the police at your local station and they won't take any action but will keep it on record. I used this to keep an ex in line many a time. He was crapping himself at the thought there was record of his nasty ways at the local cop shop.

Just let your ex know that you have done this and if you end up having to call 999 he is likely to be promptly arrested.

fiveminutespeace Mon 28-Jul-08 07:56:04

thanks I will do that today at least he didn't come back last night don't know where he is staying but expect he will show sometime soon.

gagarin Mon 28-Jul-08 08:04:20

I would phone these people for advice and support. Domestic abuse isn't just about thumping people - it's about being scared and not feeling safe.

They should be fully aware of the issues you mention about inheritance (not an issue in England asaik) and your right to feel safe at home.

Scottish Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0800 027 1234, any time, day or night.

hearnoevil Mon 28-Jul-08 11:13:03

on another note, i would not do anything regarding stopping him coming to the house e.g. changing locks or even telling him that he can not come to the house. because legally he has every right to enter his own home and will use any sort of attempt by you to stop him entering it against you in court as unreasonable behaviour.
just make him aware that you have notified the police about his past actions and that you have no problem calling them if he gets aggressive with you while in the house.

fiveminutespeace Mon 28-Jul-08 16:46:27

Thanks for all the advice have spoken with local police and domestic abuse and they have been helpful. Just feel crap with the mind games he is playing, sometimes he is here twice a day turning up saying not a word to me or our kids,he has asked to borrow money from my dad and brother accussing me of stealing from our joint account WTFangry. Then I am getting different texts from him about how he knows the end of our marriage is all his fault and I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he has destroyed it, through affairs, drink and drugs as well as debt. I just wish he would leave us alone to get on with sorting out the mess or shape up and start acting like a man

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