Long story made short:
Married 8 years
Husband has long term addiction to phone chat lines.
Phone bills between Oct 07 and Jan 08 total just under £500.
Husband is self employed actor who does not make much money (income just under 9k last year after all expenses taken out).
I paid all bills (rent, council tax, electricity, phone, child care etc etc) as I had the regular income.
In January I had a breakdown as I couldn't cope with his addiction any longer. (He only confessed the addiction to me as I was about to find out).
He hid phone bills etc so was deceitful.
In March after much agonizing I left with DS (5) and moved back to my parents 170 miles away.
Since then:
DH will not talk about addiction - everytime I mention it he accuses me of using it as a stick to beat him with. I'm truly NOT doing this but feel we do need to discuss it.
He has made no financial contribution to DS.
Before I left I downloaded and printed off all the Housing Benefit and Council Tax Benefit forms to help him (I could only have made it easier if I'd filled in the forms myself). After much nagging he eventually said he'd filled them in and sent them off (this was in May). Two days ago he told me that actually NO he hasn't done them and is now in rent arrears.
What sort of self responsibility does this show? He cannot care for himself never mind a wife and child.
The plan had been that we were going to try and make a go of things for DS. However, I am now certain that this will never work, I cannot live with this man.
This morning I feel I have truly woken up and smelled the coffee. He is never going to change - the last six months he has done nothing to show me that he is serious about taking any sort of responsibility. He obviously thinks we can just pick up and carry on where we left off - I don't think this and can't.
When I started saying some of my concerns to him last night he put the phone down on me.
His parents who live nearby (to me) keep saying "Well of course J (DS) needs BOTH his parents" and "J has to come first".
All I want to scream is
"Where the fuck has his Daddy been for the past 5 months then" and "Are you sure this is about J and not about finding some mug who will look after your DS".
I honestly don't think there is any future in this. I haven't spoken to DH since last night. He has left a really self pitying message on the answer phone saying he knows he's a worthless piece of crap (he isn't actually) and that he knows it is all his fault.
I have to speak to him again today and am dreading it. I hate upsetting anyone and have been guilty in the past of putting up with things to keep others happy. But no more - life is too short.
How do I cope with the fall out from this? I am dreading it.
I've ordered a booklet about making a Parenting Plan - I want my H and DS to continue having a good relationship - likewise with his grandparents.
Help! Feeling crappy and nasty person at the moment. Hate hate hate upsetting other people.
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I don't love my husband anymore.
12 replies
fedupandisolated · 27/07/2008 07:54
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