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Struggling with DH being "more" ill

(21 Posts)
KatyMac Sat 26-Jul-08 18:46:12

He has been ill(ish)/medically retired for 15yrs. I am used to it - I know what he can & can't do.

I know the jobs I have to do or get someone in and how to judge his energy levels etc

So now he is more ill - not seriously just a bit worse & we now have 45 mins of IV's 3 times a day plus he is more tired (& grumpy)

& I'm not dealing with it - I want it to go back to what it was

& I do not want 5 more weeks of summers holidays being responsible for him & dd - I had been planning on them going off & doing while I was at work. Now I will have to have DD at work & keep checking up that he is OK

I think I am being a cowsad

CarGirl Sat 26-Jul-08 18:48:03

can you start the process of seeing if you can have some paid for care for him?

KatyMac Sat 26-Jul-08 18:49:41

He isn't that ill - he is just a wuss & needs babying (& cups of tea, & soothing words)

I guess I had childcare sorted for the summer & I'm a bit disgruntled

madamez Sat 26-Jul-08 18:50:19

I think it must be very very hard for you to deal with caring for someone who is chronically ill. What time off do you get? Can you get any respite care, for instance? It is very often the case that when one member of a family is ill then the family begins to revolve around the ill person and this is horrendously difficult for everyone else, because you don't stop being human and having low days and ill days yourself, yet your needs get sidelines. You need to make sure you get time for you no matter what (is he so ill he can't amuse DD for a couple of hours?)

DontNeedAnything Sat 26-Jul-08 18:50:40

Katy - you are not being a cow.

You are worried about your DH. And it is challenging for you and DH and DD. Is he still in Papworth?

Things have changed and you need to adjust to teh change in routine. You will adjust.

If he gets these ABs into him -- he will probably be fit enough to care for DD by hte end of hte hols. It may be a couple of weks where you have to be the one to try and fit everything in, but all being well he will do his share at the end of the hols.

madamez Sat 26-Jul-08 18:51:16

Oh, X-posted.IF he's a wuss, you need to stop letting him get away with it: this might make a big improvement in his health.

CarGirl Sat 26-Jul-08 18:51:27

Don't think I could do the checking up thing if I were you, if he's being a wuss tell him he is!

Hassled Sat 26-Jul-08 18:56:49

Katy I'm so sorry - emailed you recently (belatedly, but my worries seem trifling in comparison). You're not being a cow - 15 years is a long long time to deal with someone who's never in full health, and if he's worse now and grumpy, and the wage-earning and childcare is all left to you to worry about then of course you're struggling. I would be a lot more than just "disgruntled" in your position.

We're around until mid-August - if DD wants a day with us it would be a pleasure.

KatyMac Sat 26-Jul-08 19:00:06

Thanks Hassled - I might take you up on that - we are going n the big boat for a week if you want to join us (as long as DH is up to it & it doesn't rain)

I guess it is the childcare I'm stressing about I just go to work & DH & DD go off & have fun, but as he isn't driving atm they will both be stuck in the house (no public transport)

He may have to get on without the tea & sympathy

Hassled Sat 26-Jul-08 19:19:32

Email/text me re the big boat thing - would love to see it.

I mean it about DD - would love some girly company and could take them all swimming or something. Plus big DD is around to help - it really would be a pleasure.

wrinklytum Sat 26-Jul-08 19:29:58

Oh Katy I can empathise with how you feel.,and I have only been dealing with it for a year!!dp has been chronically ill for a year now,and this is gonna sound pretty awful of me but sometimes it is EASIER when hes in hospital and I am not doing the bulk of the caring,especially as there is ds 4 and dd 2 (SN) so its pretty full on.I feel a right cow for thinking like this though as the poor guy has ben very poorly indeed.

Make sure you get at least an hour or so "You" time daily,even if its just Mumsnetting,a book,bath or pottering in the garden,just to unwind,thugh I do know it isn't always possible.The other problem is as you say with being the emotional punch bag at times,can empathise re moodiness,dp can have terrible strops,especilally since they upped his steroids.

Sending comeradely hugs,Wrinkly xx

KatyMac Sat 26-Jul-08 19:58:31

Of course it's the steroids that are making him stroppy (he was on aminophylline for 5 days & is on prednisilone til next Monday)

As I say he isn't really ill just poorly so I am being a bit unreasonable

KatyMac Sat 26-Jul-08 22:33:33

I will kill him

He is driving me wild

He is a virgo so anal anyway - but he is taking ICD to a new & even more uptight level

Apparently I need to avoid the holes in the side of the road, not drive in the middle & get DD to empty her school bag on Friday last week hmm

I hate the steroids

wrinklytum Sat 26-Jul-08 22:38:05

How much is he on,Katy??

DP is on 40MG daily,sometimes the steroid induced lunacy can be quite funny were it not so frustrating.DP,who has never been the least bothered about tidiness,has become very fixated about the house being tidied (by me,of course) to silly levels ie a bit of stray Lego will send him into anger/anxity mode!!!!shock

KatyMac Sat 26-Jul-08 22:42:41

I don't think it is that much

It's 8 prednisilone a day

I think the animophylline was much higher & that was for 4 (plus) days - I wonder if he is having problems coming down from it

KatyMac Sat 26-Jul-08 22:45:48

Actually they are 5mg - so that is the same isn't it?

wrinklytum Sat 26-Jul-08 22:56:21

Yes,plus aminophylline,that'll be whats doing it!!!

When dp was weller he went on a mad kitchen cleaning spree,which was actually quite cool!!!

9sorry for interval to past,ds woke up

KatyMac Sat 26-Jul-08 22:57:36

Don't worry I found out what he has

Haemophilus influenzae

Of course I don't know what it is

wrinklytum Sat 26-Jul-08 23:08:34

Have posted on other thread

DP has a lovely "hamster face" is eating like a horse and a total insomniac...dontcha just lurrve steroids [hmmm]

KatyMac Sat 26-Jul-08 23:12:40

We are a week in

No hamster face but lots of food

lots & lots of food

wrinklytum Sat 26-Jul-08 23:19:56

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