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Relationship going down the pan - worried how it will affect 2yo ds, any tips?

(4 Posts)
boozybird Sat 26-Jul-08 16:09:53

relationship has been rocky for ages - broke up 3 years ago, then got back together and 2 weeks later got up the duff. has never been right, would have split up again if not for pregnancy. fundamentally unsuited. have been in counselling for months - we both have our issues, but i find his depressing to live with - he needs constant patting on the back and eternal gratitude for basically, living like a normal person. he wants to be worshipped. i am not a worshipping kind of person. he thinks i'm cold... i'm not, i just don't see the need to be grateful for him contributing to the housework and childcare etc., etc - anyway, that's by the by, the upshot is we are on the brink of breaking up. i want to move out with our son before things get too acrimonious, so that we can have a civil relationship for his sake. i want to live nearby so we can take care of him jointly.

but i am so worried about how it will affect him to grow up with separated parents, and his happiness is so important to me, i don't know if perhaps i should stay in a loveless relationship for his sake. i would sacrifice my own happiness for his, but then i would feel guilty at not being able to give him the model of a healthy loving relationship, which he should have.

i'm not afraid of being alone, it's the idea of all the extended famlly stuff that comes down the line with new other halves and potentially half siblings, just makes me cry. i feel like i'm really letting him down.

i really need some advice.

shhhh Sat 26-Jul-08 16:58:52

No advice im sorry BUT just wanted to bump this for you and to say, your concerns that will occur further down the line with new "additions" are to far away for you to think about atm. Don't beat yourself up at this stage and take things a day at a time....
Come 6 months or 6 years time when the change may/does happen you may be a different person and viewing your now concerns with new eyes. smile.
Bigs {{{{hugs}}}} xx

boozybird Sat 26-Jul-08 17:18:42

thanks shhhh, that's really nice. i know thousands of people go through this and their kids don't turn out to be psychopaths, in know it will be ok in the end if we split. i'm just scared.

shhhh Sat 26-Jul-08 17:48:19

You will be scared..Its fear of the unknown. Everyone is the same..when in secure environment "oh yeah I will be fine if it ever happened to me blah de dah" yet when in that situation its so different....

You don't have that security blanket of dp being there when you need him and also thinking of x years time.

Atm you are going through a massive upheaval and you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel some guilt (for the lo) or sadness (moving you are grieving) and even happiness as you think of life without the issues.

Your lo will be a product of their environment (imo) and its up to you to make sure you give them a good environment..that can be as a single parent or as a family or as/with an extended family. As long as you set good family values/standards and let your lo know they are loved that is a good starting point.

Keep your head up, things will get harder I guess but what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger smile. xx

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