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what do i do about my cousins???(9 Posts)
I'm a pretty regular poster so have name changed for obvious reasons.
OK- pretty long story but has shocked the life out of me and have no-one else to ask.
My cousins are both around my age (mid 20's, with male cousin being 2 years older than us girls) and we all grew up pretty close being the oldest 3 grandkids. My other 2 cousins were always closer as they both lived close and spent a lot of time together.
At around 13-15 they were infatuated with each other, and my female cousin realized it was not against the law to marry your cousin (i think thats right) and she used to go on and on about how much she fancied my male cousin. I went to school with my female cousin and she used to send love letters to the male cousin and he'd send them back-( it was all very odd, but i was young and didn't notice much till now...) They used to go off at family parties on their own etc.. she told me a couple of times they'd tried to kiss but she'd chickened out. I know her dad found a letter off him and went mental about it too.
Well roll on a couple of years and me and female cousin were on a night out with friends when we bumped into male cousin. She was with her now DH and had only been with him a couple of months then. They went off to dance and she came back saying he was being dead weird with her and had told her she can do better than her DH and that he loved her.
She's now married with kids, and seems happy on a day to day basis. Admittedly sometimes she's a bit tired of DH but doesn't everyone argue, and she's been with him a good long while now!! Myself and my DH have kids not far from the age of hers and so we often go on day trips together, most of the time without her DH as he's normally working.
So last week we went out, and while my DH was entertaining all 4 kids, and she admitted to me that she's been having an affair with male cousin for the last 6 months!! She wants to leave her DH and run away with male cousin, she doesn't care that the whole family will disapprove and is happy to run off with him with no friends or family around her.
Now we are close friends and i can kind of see that the thing with male cousin isn't just a current affair, its developed over the years. However how will her kids take it? Will he really take on her kids? Is it even legal? I'm not sure- she seems set in her decision but i need something to change her mind as i feel she will make the worst decision of hers and her kids lives!!
Help me please!!
p.s.- sorry its such a long story but i felt i had to include everything!!
To start with, it IS legal but prob not the best idea, esp if they want to have kids together. Sounds like she's mixing up friendship/family love with secual attraction. Poor woman. Not sure there is anything you can do other than listen at this stage
I dont know about having kids together, she has 2 kids, but he has none... oh forgot to say he has been with his girlfriend over 18mths now too and they live together, she is none the wiser that they've been having an affair either!! It just seems so morally wrong on so many levels to me, and i feel sick thinking about it!!
i spose it's doubly exciting cos there is the "not allowed" elemant about it, as well as the shared memories of teen love.
agree that there is nothign you can do really - did they not have a relationship when they were teenagers? if not, that is sort of unresolved.
It is more common than you think, cousin marriages are pretty common in my area (was asked at my booking appointment if my husband and I were related) and though som of that is cultural I'm sure some is down to confusing family connection/familiarity with attraction.
My grandparents were first cousins, prob NOT the best idea for them to marry for all sorts of reasons but their kids got off relatively lightly...
Is it the cousin thing that's worrying you or the fact you all grew up together?
I don't think there is anything you can do, but I think you should be a friend to her as she clearly has not done this out of malice and it is obviously very difficult for her. I don't know what else to say, apart from there's nothing illegal about it.
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