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what to do???? (sorry v. long)

(3 Posts)
lexilex Thu 24-Jul-08 23:35:51

i probably know what some of you will say but here goes,

ive been with my dp for 6 years, we have 2 los,

dp broke his leg 2 months ago really badly, things were v. hard in the first couple of weeks with him layed up, and me having to do anything and everything, anyway after a couple of weeks dp was able to get around so because he wasnt working he started to go out in the evenings with his mates, down the pub, i was ok with this at first because i understood that he was v. bored and his mates were only around in the evening.

but then he started to go out later and later, and after a while he was going out all night, and sleeping all day, and im starting to get v, p**d off with it seen as im left with doing everything,

so a few weeks ago he was looking through my fb and found a very innocent wall post by my best mates dp and it had a kiss on the end, so my dp goes ape about this and we have a very big row, then a week later i managed to get hold of his phone and i find a text he had sent to his mate saying "going out, fancy going to find some pussy?" so then its my turn to go ape, we have another big row and i got the kids ready and went to a friends,

once at my mate i txt dp saying i need some space so he had to find somewhere to go just for a couple of nights, but i couldnt get rid of him, so i ignored him all that week, then on last sat on his way out in the evening we had a chat ( after many times trying on his part but only when the kids were around!!) we decided that things really were not good and that we had been pushing each other away, and because we were moving the next day (into a skanky council house which i have been trying to decorate for the last 3 weeks so its livable!! and dp couldnt do v. much cos of his stupid leg) we should just get into the house get that sorted and we can then see how things are then,

anyway so weve been in the house for 4 days and things havent changed, im still doing most stuff (he is able to do a bit more now but is still on cruches, so is still v, limited) he is still going out every night but is now coming in before midnight, and we are constantly bickering and being irritated by each other,

i will point out that his greivences about me is that im untidy, ( which i am and il admit that,) and when we do bicker i always call him names. (which i do, but he really annoyes me) but i feel thats nothing compared to the way he has been behaving,

i really dont want to give up on the relationship as we have been through worse and come out the other side, but i really cant see how we could get through this, i would really appreciate some constructive advise on what i can do, thanks hope it makes sense. xxxx

mel1981 Fri 25-Jul-08 00:07:25

Hey u! well u already know wot I think.
At the end of the day if u cant trust him it will b hard to move on. So u need to work out where u stand on that.

And mayb your both snappy cause of moving,him just getting back 2 work etc. Once work and ur new house is settled for aa few weeks u mite fel less tension.
Every1 has things they dont like bout the other no mater how much they love eachother.

The only thing that really works for me is talking it through completely honestly with eachother. You both mite hear things you dont like but at least u'll know where to start in sorting things out.
xx

Alexa808 Fri 25-Jul-08 07:22:20

Hmmm...why did your mate's dp put a kiss in at the end. Or was it just an 'x'? Is this very unusual behaviour from him? Are you and your dp normally not in 'kissy' mode and he felt threatened or is it quite common but on this particular day or with that guy he went bananas?

FWIW: my best friends (girls) will text xx and Hugs to my DH and he seems to be strangely flattered despite the fact that they are my pals and just show him affection because he's my DH. wink

I really think the leg injury is to blame for his childish behaviour of 'payback' and though that might not change things I think you should still consider it before tearing him apart with name calling. The guy's pretty helpless, feels pain and men usually resort to being little boys and do not take it very well when they feel insignificant, un-needed and a bit useless.

I know it might be very hard for you, but how about cooking his fave food or buying him a little something, cupcake, etc. and telling him, you'd like to say how much you appreciate him and that you're sorry he's still in pain. Tell him that you ned him around and it helps so much if he emotionally supports you in the move, etc. Make it clear to him that that mate's dp always puts kisses at the end of his writings and that it doesn't matter a bit. Tell him how hurt you were when you saw his 'pussy' text and that you'd never cheat or him or look at anyone else bc he's your hot stud. Trust me, been there, done it. Show your dp kindness and he may sulk a bit but in the end I think he needs a bit of ego-stroking and you telling him how much he means to you and your dc.

This situation you're in will go away if you make a step towards him and offer him a peaceful gesture.

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