Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Do you think you can fall for someone online....

(12 Posts)
TearsofaPersonalClown Thu 24-Jul-08 23:13:28

and not have met them yet?

Idiotic me never thought I'd find myself typing this but who cares and I can't be arsed to namechange!!

I've been chatting to a really nice bloke who I met through Facebook. We are getting on really well, 'clicking' I guess you could say,we have similar interests, similar outlooks on life, find each other incredibly attractive and chat for hours!!
We chat through MSN, Skype, Facebook and Text all day every day. I find myself going mad waiting till he finishes work to talk to him, not being able to say goodbye till im almost asleep at the PC blush

The thing is....he's in South Africa shock. I'm very aware of getting too involved for obvious reasons and some not so obvious. I know it's the net and RL is very different and I'm under no impressions that things will be even remotely the same but I still can't get over the way I feel.
He's currently in the process of moving to England (planned long before me) and if all goes well, should be here in the next couple of weeks.

We have spoken at length about RL being very different to the net but he insists that he thinks we could be great together and will do anything to prove to me that he wants me.

Am I an idiot for thinking too much into things and let things play out or am I right to be cautious?

ShinyPinkShoes Thu 24-Jul-08 23:17:30

Be careful, take things slowly and see what happens!

I am going to the wedding of a close friend who met her fiancee online exactly a year ago!

lilolilmanchester Thu 24-Jul-08 23:18:06

You are not an idiot - that is so obvious from your post! - but you are right to be cautious. I am sure you can fall for someone online. What you can never be sure about (even more so than in RL) is how genuine they are.
If you meet up, make sure someone knows where you are, perhaps have some friends secretly meeting in the same pub or wherever. I genuinely do hope it all works out for you, it could be a real fairytale, but equally it could be a nightmare so do be careful.

davidtennantsmistress Thu 24-Jul-08 23:22:47

yes and no.

if you've never met them, play it cool. keep things casual. only because online you can be anyone. literally.

but on the other hand, have played the casual game with the current chappy I'm seeing and we've met, and are well it's going fantastically well so far. we met online, so it' possible, but don't get too carried away until you've met and know each other in RL for a good few months - I think after that time if they're not as genuine as they seem they'll come a cropper in that time.

clu Thu 24-Jul-08 23:26:24

Be very cautious and careful but it is possible , me and Df met online and after chatting for a year I was in love with him before I physically met him. We now have a beautiful DD and are engaged.

Just a shame yours is so far away it is not like you can be just visiting SA tomorrow , fancy meeting up.?

ravenAK Thu 24-Jul-08 23:31:25

I'm happily married to dh - we met online 7 years ago (we liked the same band - it wasn't a dating site), hung out as friends for a bit, then did a fairly whirlwind romance > pregnancy > marriage thing. Now have 3 dc.

The internet's just one way of meeting people. Just take the obvious precautions (meet in a public place initially, don't lend him huge sums of cash, don't agree anything life changing until you're quite sure you know what you're doing...grin)

LittleBella Thu 24-Jul-08 23:34:54

Yes I think you can.

My instant kneejerk response was "no, you're falling for a projection" but otoh, it's very difficult to keep up a pretence of being someone different for ages and ages even in the written form because you can still interrogate and tbh people often fall for projections in RL, so probably it's no more likely to be the case for online relationships.

As long as written communication has been a fact of human life, people have fallen for each other via letters. Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning being a good example.

I don't wish to irresponsibly encourage anyone to pursue an online fantasy, but as I say, as long as you are healthily sceptical, I don't see online infatuation as any less valid than the RL variety. You may of course find that when you meet, there is some kind of personal habit that you simply can't abide, but the other side of the story is that you know someone so well by then that those personal tics are an irrelevance.

In short, dunno. grin HTH!

TearsofaPersonalClown Thu 24-Jul-08 23:44:25

Thanks all. I was preparing myself for a barrage of Are you mad?!

He already knows that my friends WILL be there when we meet, at least for the first few times and that he's got a lot to prove that it wasn't just talk.
I'm not going to just let him walk into my life like we are continuing where we left off on the computer.

I'm just a little freaked that he's pushed his moving date forward just so we can meet and get to know each other sooner!!

Triathlete Sat 26-Jul-08 00:52:59

Are you mad?!?

He's such a nice guy, why can't he find someone in South Africa?

"...will do anything to prove..." he sounds desperate, imo. Be very careful.

Pheebe Sat 26-Jul-08 08:18:54

I met my DH online, fell hook line and sinker with this kind caring genuine guy. We met up with no expectations and no pressure and....

....have now been married for 6 years this year and have 2 beautiful dss. He is my best friend, he knows me in a way no one else ever I believe because we spent so much time getting to know each other before we 'got involved'.

My advice would be, take it slow and steady when you do meet. Date properly and enjoy that phase of getting to know each other. If he's genuine you'll know very quickly, he'll involve you in his life, introduce you to his family and friends and want to meet yours.

Good luck, how exciting for you, I treasure my memories of those special days smile

HarleyQuinn Sat 26-Jul-08 12:38:10

Good Luck I hope it works out for you! I met my DH online, We have been together for 5 years, we have a lovely DD and recently got married, I can honestly say Ive never been happier.
In short yes it can work, get to know the person first

plantsitter Sat 26-Jul-08 12:44:15

Good luck and I hope it works out - there's no reason it shouldn't! Only thing I would warn against is what I did once - wanting it to be as easy and natural as it was online so much that I ignored the fact that actually it wasn't. I didn't fancy the guy and in retrospect found him ever so slightly creepy, but I wish I'd been able just to allow myself to think that at the time! Not saying that will happen, just that other people are right and if you take it slowly it could be the best thing you ever do!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: