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cheating husband

(13 Posts)
addledbrain Thu 24-Jul-08 22:29:10

I have a beautiful little girl of nearly 2 and a lovely little boy just 4 months. I found out my husband was having an affair 6 weeks ago and he walked out on us. It started when I was 6 months pregnant. I had no idea that this was happening and have been completely devastated. He was being distant and cold but whenever I asked him what was wrong he told me I was imagining it and I was starting to think I was getting PND. I am not doing too well although everyone seems to think I am. Has anyone else survived something like this.

wrinklytum Thu 24-Jul-08 22:31:58

I haven't been in a similar situation but am sending virtual hugs if you do them.What an arse he is.Keep posing on here for support.XXXXXXX Wrinkly.

RambleOn Thu 24-Jul-08 22:42:01

So sorry. sad

I am currently going through similar, though can't quite say I've survived yet grin

I have a DD with my partner, and found out I was expecting our (planned) DC2 back in May. A couple of weeks later I found out he has been having a year long affair with a 17yo (he is 45btw)

I also had no idea, and have very mixed emotions about it - anger, disgust, loss, worry for my childrens future, annoyance with myself for not realising, etc.

I am surviving day to day for the sake of my DD and bump. Ultimately, I know deep down that we'll be happier without someone in our lives that can treat us in this way.

Do you have friends/family that you can confide in? If everyone thinks you're doing okay, you perhaps aren't getting the support that you so desparately need.

I am so grateful that I wailed to all of my fam and friends, they've each been very helpful and supportive in their own ways.

RambleOn Thu 24-Jul-08 22:48:41

We are separating btw, though unfortunately will have to live in the same house until it is sold. Could be a long time in this housing market sad

Joggeroo Thu 24-Jul-08 23:04:22

sorry to hear your situation. My husband finally admitted his current affair 4 weeks ago,started when I was about 3 months pregnant, I can empathise with the PND thing as I was starting to feel that way a few weeks before I found out. We have 4 children, the youngest is just 5 months, eldest 6 yrs. People have told me I am being strong and handling things well, but I've been to some emotional places in the last few weeks that I never knew existed, it's such a roller coaster of emotions.

Can't say I have survived as still in the thick of it, (when it started I had no idea of the stamina that I so would need to try to get through each day). But I am still breathing. There are a couple of friends who's support is spot on but there are still things I wouldn't be able to share with them. I found it very hard that the one person who I thought used to support me -DH-is no longer there for me and have had to seek support from others,

So, unfortunately , no magic wand here to put it all right for you, but I can empathise with your situation. All you can do is take each day a little bit at a time for now

Joggeroo Thu 24-Jul-08 23:07:17

Rambleon, I take my hat off to you managing to live in the same house

RambleOn Thu 24-Jul-08 23:23:33

Totally understand the rollercoaster of emotions.

Will be having a strong and positive day, then completely break down watching Grand Designs when I see a happy family swinging in a hammock sad

I completely went to pieces at first. I struggled to get through each day, and was neglecting my DD (not in a 'call social services' kind of way, but unable to give her my full attention iyswim.)

I have since concentrated on keeping as much of her routine going as is possible whilst decorating and going to solicitors, etc. I have found that the routine is a distraction from what's going on inside my head.

Now I am feeling that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and am generally more positive. Still feel a long way from getting my 'joy' back iyswim sad

Take each day as it comes. Talk to anyone you feel able to - it's sometimes like a load is lifting, sharing it with someone else.

HappyWoman Fri 25-Jul-08 08:30:03

Just as the others have said take each day at a time and accept all the feelings you are having.
We are surving an affair and it can be done - if you both want it.

Try and take this as a positive time when you can do things for you now (but i know how hard this is).

Can you start with something small - little changed each day.

Writing also helped me a lot as you can see just how far you have come.

Good luck and take care

Baffy Fri 25-Jul-08 09:35:57

There's lots and lots of people on here who have been through similar.

It takes time and my best advice at the moment would really be to take it 1 day at a time. Focus on your beautiful children. Do whatever it takes to get yourself through the day.
And gradually, with the support on here and in RL, I'm sure you'll find the best way through this.

You sound remarkably calm and together. So even though inside I know it feels like your heart has been ripped out and it takes all of your strength just to get through the day, you are doing well. Believe me. And you will be happy again. Whatever the outcome.

Baffy Fri 25-Jul-08 09:35:57

There's lots and lots of people on here who have been through similar.

It takes time and my best advice at the moment would really be to take it 1 day at a time. Focus on your beautiful children. Do whatever it takes to get yourself through the day.
And gradually, with the support on here and in RL, I'm sure you'll find the best way through this.

You sound remarkably calm and together. So even though inside I know it feels like your heart has been ripped out and it takes all of your strength just to get through the day, you are doing well. Believe me. And you will be happy again. Whatever the outcome.

stirlingmum Fri 25-Jul-08 09:43:37

Agree with HW, writing does help alot. Whenever I am feeling really low (h is preparing to leave - Sunday seems convenient for him) I get my little book out and pour my heart out. It makes me feel a bit better and you can look back to see how far you have come.

I wish I could send you strength but feel I dont have enough for myself at the moment sad

Rambleon, I can so understand the grand designs comment - I was at my fitness class last night and the woman taking the class mentioned testing our fitness again in November and I burst out crying because I realised h wouldn't be living with us then. Something I try not to think about. Silly eh!

HappyWoman Fri 25-Jul-08 11:46:55

oh stirling - feel so sorry for you.
I know it has been a long time coming - please remember this is not your fault. Come and join us on F and G thread if and when you feel up to it.

ambercat Fri 25-Jul-08 12:16:18

I'm also going through this horrible situation.

I just don't understand these men who rip families apart for a shagsad

I truly thought i would never get through it but here i am 3 months on. I still have days where i just want to die and if it wasn't for my 3 dcs i don't think i would be here.

You will get through this, one day at a time. Talk to any one who will listen, i'm sure my sister has had enough of hearing me rant and cry but she has been a star and has helped me so much. Lean on your friends and family, thats what they're there for. great big hugs to you.

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