marriage on the rocks first-timer needs advice

[aguasdulces]

I have been living in an emotionally abusive relationship for some time now. My husband calls me useless and a waste of time and has threatened me by saying that he is going to leave me when my youngest child is 18 and that he not going to look after me and doesn,t want me living off him.
To put it short I need to consider my options but I need help to decide what to do. Please can anyone tell me what to do I am at my wits end. He's the main breadwinner, I earn a little as a self-employed music teacher but not much.
I really don't like him anymore and I want a divorce although I am worried about being destitute with two kids to support.

[aguasdulces]

bump

[aguasdulces]

please help, I'm new on here, I really need guidance, how will I support myself and my kids if I'm not employed?

[Anglepoise]

First thing to do is to see a lawyer to find out where you stand. Don't tell him. And don't worry about the cost - you may be eligible for legal aid or be able to come to some sort of an arrangement to pay. Good luck

[LemonyAle]

Hi Aquasdulces

I'm very new here myself and unfortunately don't have much experience to share about your sad situation, but I didn't want your post to go unanswered.

I'm sure other wise MNs will offer some good advice, but in the meantime, may I ask how old your DCs are? If they are school-age, could you teach music full-time at a school or college? Or work more hours as a peripatetic music teacher for a local authority between several different schools? You don't need a PGCE for the latter option.

One thing's for sure, your DH sounds like a bully and a wanker, and you will be so much better off without him when you find the strength to make the break. And he has to provide for the DCs if you & he divorce - find a good lawyer!

Good luck with it all x

[aguasdulces]

Hello LemonyAle
Thanks for responding to my post. My DCs are age 5 and 7.
Unfortunately my qualifications are not in music so I couldn't teach as a peri. I do have Grade 8 piano but no A level in music. Even if I did that I don't know if I get a job out of it.
I know I need 16 hours to qualify for tax credits etc.

[missjennipenni]

Are you able to do any other type of work? What did you do before you had your DC? Do you have family that could help in the short-term?

[aguasdulces]

Hello missjennipenni. I have worked in shops before as a sales assistant - I have got a degree in Spanish but I've never had enough confidence to do a well paid job. I did teach in a primary school but the kids wound me up something rotten and I found it quite stressful. At the moment I'm teaching privately but is it true that you need to be employed by an employer to claim tax credit, help with your rent and council tax if you are a single mum?

[aguasdulces]

Unfortunately I don't have any family around, my parents are very traditional and live a long way away. My husband wants to go back to the country where he grew up says if we separated he would just go back there and that the CSA wouldn't be able to track him down. He isn't nasty all the time and he is alright with the boys but I just don't feel the same about him anymore.

[missjennipenni]

Would your H really deny you money for the Dcs?

Can you put feelers out just now, have a look at websites/papers at what jobs are available to you? See what you could potentially earn, and see what you think?

I dont know enough about the ins & outs to be much help im afraid

[aguasdulces]

Bump!