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marriage on the rocks first-timer needs advice

(3 Posts)
aguasdulces Tue 22-Jul-08 21:28:05

I have been living in an emotionally abusive relationship for some time now. My husband calls me useless and a waste of time and has threatened me by saying that he is going to leave me when my youngest child is 18 and that he not going to look after me and doesn,t want me living off him.
To put it short I need to consider my options but I need help to decide what to do. Please can anyone tell me what to do I am at my wits end. He's the main breadwinner, I earn a little as a self-employed music teacher but not much.
I really don't like him anymore and I want a divorce although I am worried about being destitute with two kids to support.

SodTheBikiniDiet Tue 22-Jul-08 22:54:42

Not sure what advice you need but didn't want you to think nobody out there cares. I would suggest you visit CAB about the finance side of things, and possibly look to renting from housing association or council, will be very daunting I know but just consider the options. Could you ask him to move out?

missingtheaction Tue 22-Jul-08 23:04:06

although there are no hard and fast rules about sharing money after divorce, wikivorce.co.uk (?) has a calculator that will help you work out what you would take away if the marriage broke up.

when you are married in a 'long marriage' ie one with children and/or one where most of your assets have been accrued during the marriage then everything you earn or own is joint property. as a very rough starting point, what would you have if you had 50% of marital assets (house equity, pension, savings etc) plus you had the children most of the time so he paid you child maintenance - csa website tells you how much but 20% of his net income for two children AND if you cannot work much because you are primary carer for children then he may have to pay spousal maintenance too. These are absolutely not hard and fast figures, but jsut to help you see that you would not be destitute. You would proabably be poorer and the road would be hard, but you would not be on your own. Good luck.

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