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post? affair. xhs family, and their role in our breakup. What do you think HE should do?

(8 Posts)
averyquickex Mon 21-Jul-08 21:32:49

God, this drama just goes on and on.
xh and I are friends now, and he claims he wants me back. I dont know if I do, but he will need to prove himself to me first. I hava also said (on mn) that I would like to date other people, as why shoudl I put my life on hold when he cant be arsed to sort his out?

anyway....
talked to xh tonight, and he wants me back, allegedly. He was trying to make me make a decision right there as to whether or not I will see anyone else, or whether I would give US time. He said he sdoesnt want to be the back up plan, which is how I had referred to him saying he wants me back iyswim

but it transpires that:
1. ow still relies on him for support. he doesnt see this is a problem.
2. he lies about going to her work leaving do - I already knew he was lying and he only told me when I confronted him
3. his family DEFINITELY encouraged him to leave me. now his sister is his ow facebook friend.

I told him until he is begging me back, I wont take him or stop seeing people. I dont think he is really ready to finish it with her, so why should I put my life on hold?

but he doenst think he has the right to tell his family not to be her friend. do you agree?

prettyfly1 Mon 21-Jul-08 22:01:37

veryquick -- hey love hope your ok. you lready know the answer to this. he is lying to you. still. he soundslike my ex actually - i do hope your not in herts! seriously tho love i jsut think you need to forget it. he is lying again and again and again. at least consider councelling with him.

prettyfly1 Mon 21-Jul-08 22:04:25

seriously mate - can you go back and read your threads from the last few weeks. last week he was still with ow. week before you were totally over it. You really really have to decide what you want love one way or another.

Seabright Mon 21-Jul-08 22:42:09

Make him wait for you to decide. If he really wants you back he'll cut off all ties with OW.

He might ask his family to do likewise, but he can't insist they do - can you live with that?

I would suggest you don't date anyone - him or another man until you and he have some calm, seperate time with no-one else involved with either of you, it'll just confuse the issue for both of you even more.

Good luck

averyquickex Tue 22-Jul-08 20:30:45

prettyfly - you are right.
seabright - you are right with himcutting all ties if he does really want me. He obviously doesnt

as I was typing this, I thought wtf am I thinking. Why do I trust him?
I guess the hard thing is accepting HE WILL NOT CHANGE, he wont be the person I need him to be.

The hardest thing is we were trying for a baby when he walked out, so I am desperately broody Getting back and expecting him to change seems to be the easier option than finding someone else to eventually have a family with.

I have felt myself go through the whole process - disbelief, anger, acceptance (I DO accept what he has done), but I still get stuck on thinking we can work things out. I guess I still love him, but I probably love the IDEA of him, not actaully who he is iywswim.

prettyfly1 Tue 22-Jul-08 21:16:55

do you love him tho? because its HIM who did this - do you love that? If you really think it can be solved by all means try councelling but not because of the baby thing. That way madness lies (trust me i know!!!!).

Hugs love - i hope your ok!

HappyWoman Wed 23-Jul-08 09:16:19

He is just not ready to watch you move on with your life. My h had an affair and we are recovering - he too did all the lies but when he came begging back i had to make sure she was off the scene first before i would even consider it.

I think it is ok to try and date too - and if it does work out between you you will have got it out of your system. That is something i now regret but then we cant always control these things.

Good luck - but do trust your instincts and make he realise that unless he is totally honest with you there is no future at all.

lizziemun Wed 23-Jul-08 10:22:50

He wants his cake and eat it. Sorry.

He moved on with his life but still wants you to be at his beck and call.

I would say he is also doesn't like the fact that you have now moved on and not begging him to come back.

As others have said he would not contact with the ow, and be serious about trying to get you back.

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