I am shaking with rage!

[beautox]

h is passive agressive. Huge row few weeks back, he wanted 'fresh start' with me, last couple of weeks great. Yesterday he obviously got the hump about something, last night slept on sofa, this morning he is showered, put washing on and ironing all before 9, classic sign he has slipped back. Says he will give me a cuddle when he has finished ironing, cheers mate!! If i ask what's wrong he will say nothing, so here we go again!!! No reply needed, just wanted to rant!

[ThatBigGermanPrison]

Um

You poor thing?

I can see how you would prefer him filthy, unresponsive and still in bed....

[swiftyknickers]

i don't get it?whats he upset about?
just ignore himand go out

[beautox]

That was helpful!

[beautox]

Reply was obviously to TBGP not you swifty. Who knows what he's upset about, he wouldn't tell me!

[ThatBigGermanPrison]

Well, what on earth do you think is the problem?

he's up, clean, dressed, doing housework, and promising affection when he is finished.

He's doing NOTHING wrong.

He's not unresponsive, he's not sulking, he's not withholding affection - what is the problem?

REALLY, I don't understand why you are angry with him. Maybe he doesn't either?

[beautox]

Yes he is doing everything wrong. He is displaying all the signs of his passive agressive traits and he knows it!

[hunkermunker]

Say thank you to him?

Is there any chance you're Needy McNeed and Slatty McSlattern and he wanted a bit of space and a tidy house?

Not saying you are, just asking if that's possible.

[MaryScotts]

Why did he sleep on the couch?

I hate it when they won't talk. I agree with you.

[hunkermunker]

Seriously though - shaking with rage because the ironing's done?

Is there more to this? Why did he sleep on the sofa last night? Have you really no idea?

[beautox]

No hunker, he has just slipped back into his old ways!

[ThatBigGermanPrison]

What would you rather he was doing?

Presumably he lives there, and is entitled to get up, have a shower, wash up and be pleasant without fear of you 'shaking with rage'.

If you are genuinely furious because he is doing housework, I think you need counseling.

[hunkermunker]

What old ways?

Are you a namechanger, btw? You sound familiar!

[ThatBigGermanPrison]

He is talking though. He has said affection will be forthcoming when he ha finished the housework.

[posieflump]

I'd much rather dh was ironing than cuddling me tbh!

[egypt]

Think we need some background. What are his old ways?

[amethyst86]

Obviously more to it than the op says. She is obviously NOT just pissed off because he is ironing etc.

My Dad when he was angry used to pull all the bins out, scrub them and bleach them, whistling all the time. We always knew there was trouble ahead when this happened.

[beautox]

Hunker, have posted lots before with old name. The point is, the ironing/washing didn't need starting at 8am! spending time together trying to rebuilt at this point in our relationship is more important. Think he was cross last night coz he couldn't get hold of his daughter on a sleepover until nearly midnight, acting like this is classic of his behaviour.

[PuppyMonkey]

Passive agressive ironing. Its the only way to do it imho. Does he put away after though?? That's the hard bit.

[tiredemma]

I've just realised that I am a 'passive aggressive'

I bound round the house doing chores, ignoring DP when he pisses me off.

I have never heard this term before

(sorry beautox)

[hunkermunker]

OK, maybe he wanted to get the jobs out of the way before working on your relationship? He sounds like he might be the sort of person who can't settle if he knows there are things that need doing?

If he's said he'll cuddle you after he's done the ironing, make sure he does.

Meanwhile, instead of shaking with rage, go and do something for yourself. Be cheerful - far easier to rebuild a relationship with someone who seems amenable to it than someone who's seething.

[maribe]

Nothing helpful to say beautox, except that I recognise this. Very, very frustrating behaviour.

[Carmenere]

You can change your reaction to his behaviour you know. I would suggest, smiling brightly, saying thanks a million for puling his weight and freeing up time for us to go out for lunch. If he is being passive aggressive, and there is some kind of implied slant to his actions, if you don't let it get to you, it can't, iyswim.

[FabioUnblogged]

I have a good think when I'm cleaning.

Maybe he's just having a sulk. In which case ignore him.

[hunkermunker]

Yep, that's what I meant, Carmenere.

Be happy he's doing the jobs and go and buy a new skirt.

Everyone's a winner then

[newforold]

Beautox, i completely understand where you are coming from. Partner used to do this an awful lot and i know how it makes you feel.
On edge and treading on eggshells waiting for the explosion. And when it comes you can bet that you'll be the one in the wrong and the fact that he did a few domestic chores makes him a martyr.

Some of you ladies are being pretty nasty here, no need to make comments such as "you need counselling". Not helpful and fucking horrid.

Partner has got better over the last year (funnily enough i've just posted that on another thread) but he did have a few "slip ups" along the way.
Have you told him you feel like this today or have you just asked him what the matter is and left it?
I found it helped when i started telling him what his behaviour was doing and then i would spend the day doing what i wanted to do until he brought himself out of it and either talked about it or simply cooled down.