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I am shaking with rage!

(102 Posts)
beautox Sun 20-Jul-08 09:13:16

h is passive agressive. Huge row few weeks back, he wanted 'fresh start' with me, last couple of weeks great. Yesterday he obviously got the hump about something, last night slept on sofa, this morning he is showered, put washing on and ironing all before 9, classic sign he has slipped back. Says he will give me a cuddle when he has finished ironing, cheers mate!! If i ask what's wrong he will say nothing, so here we go again!!! No reply needed, just wanted to rant!

ThatBigGermanPrison Sun 20-Jul-08 09:15:06


You poor thing?

I can see how you would prefer him filthy, unresponsive and still in bed....

swiftyknickers Sun 20-Jul-08 09:16:14

i don't get it?whats he upset about?
just ignore himand go out

beautox Sun 20-Jul-08 09:16:28

That was helpful!

beautox Sun 20-Jul-08 09:17:20

Reply was obviously to TBGP not you swifty. Who knows what he's upset about, he wouldn't tell me!

ThatBigGermanPrison Sun 20-Jul-08 09:19:47

Well, what on earth do you think is the problem?

he's up, clean, dressed, doing housework, and promising affection when he is finished.

He's doing NOTHING wrong.

He's not unresponsive, he's not sulking, he's not withholding affection - what is the problem?

REALLY, I don't understand why you are angry with him. Maybe he doesn't either?

beautox Sun 20-Jul-08 09:21:12

Yes he is doing everything wrong. He is displaying all the signs of his passive agressive traits and he knows it!

hunkermunker Sun 20-Jul-08 09:23:48

Say thank you to him?

Is there any chance you're Needy McNeed and Slatty McSlattern and he wanted a bit of space and a tidy house?

Not saying you are, just asking if that's possible.

MaryScotts Sun 20-Jul-08 09:24:49

Why did he sleep on the couch?

I hate it when they won't talk. I agree with you.

hunkermunker Sun 20-Jul-08 09:24:58

Seriously though - shaking with rage because the ironing's done?

Is there more to this? Why did he sleep on the sofa last night? Have you really no idea?

beautox Sun 20-Jul-08 09:25:03

No hunker, he has just slipped back into his old ways!

ThatBigGermanPrison Sun 20-Jul-08 09:25:11

What would you rather he was doing?

Presumably he lives there, and is entitled to get up, have a shower, wash up and be pleasant without fear of you 'shaking with rage'.

If you are genuinely furious because he is doing housework, I think you need counseling.

hunkermunker Sun 20-Jul-08 09:25:22

What old ways?

Are you a namechanger, btw? You sound familiar!

ThatBigGermanPrison Sun 20-Jul-08 09:26:03

He is talking though. He has said affection will be forthcoming when he ha finished the housework.

posieflump Sun 20-Jul-08 09:26:07

I'd much rather dh was ironing than cuddling me tbh!

egypt Sun 20-Jul-08 09:27:37

Think we need some background. What are his old ways?

amethyst86 Sun 20-Jul-08 09:28:55

Obviously more to it than the op says. She is obviously NOT just pissed off because he is ironing etc.

My Dad when he was angry used to pull all the bins out, scrub them and bleach them, whistling all the time. We always knew there was trouble ahead when this happened.

beautox Sun 20-Jul-08 09:31:13

Hunker, have posted lots before with old name. The point is, the ironing/washing didn't need starting at 8am! spending time together trying to rebuilt at this point in our relationship is more important. Think he was cross last night coz he couldn't get hold of his daughter on a sleepover until nearly midnight, acting like this is classic of his behaviour.

PuppyMonkey Sun 20-Jul-08 09:32:14

Passive agressive ironing. Its the only way to do it imho. Does he put away after though?? That's the hard bit.

tiredemma Sun 20-Jul-08 09:33:49

I've just realised that I am a 'passive aggressive'

I bound round the house doing chores, ignoring DP when he pisses me off.

I have never heard this term before

(sorry beautox)

hunkermunker Sun 20-Jul-08 09:35:17

OK, maybe he wanted to get the jobs out of the way before working on your relationship? He sounds like he might be the sort of person who can't settle if he knows there are things that need doing?

If he's said he'll cuddle you after he's done the ironing, make sure he does.

Meanwhile, instead of shaking with rage, go and do something for yourself. Be cheerful - far easier to rebuild a relationship with someone who seems amenable to it than someone who's seething.

maribe Sun 20-Jul-08 09:35:54

Nothing helpful to say beautox, except that I recognise this. Very, very frustrating behaviour.

Carmenere Sun 20-Jul-08 09:36:18

You can change your reaction to his behaviour you know. I would suggest, smiling brightly, saying thanks a million for puling his weight and freeing up time for us to go out for lunch. If he is being passive aggressive, and there is some kind of implied slant to his actions, if you don't let it get to you, it can't, iyswim.

FabioUnblogged Sun 20-Jul-08 09:39:01

I have a good think when I'm cleaning.

Maybe he's just having a sulk. In which case ignore him.

hunkermunker Sun 20-Jul-08 09:39:14

Yep, that's what I meant, Carmenere.

Be happy he's doing the jobs and go and buy a new skirt.

Everyone's a winner then grin

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