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friend thinks im a turbo slut...how to tell her to fark off politely?

(20 Posts)
hartwithateart Sat 19-Jul-08 19:35:52

ok she hasnt actually said that but she thinks it - i know she does.

My history is a long relationship with a man who I had 3 pregnancies with, 2 m/cs and 1 stilborn.

We spilt up after we started arguing constantly over silly things - the stress of the losses was too much for us.

Am now seeing a new man, we went out on a date and I slept with him on first date - despite the fact there wasnt that much between us when we chatted (nothing in common) then we had an amazing sexual chemistry, both had a fab night. ANd I thought it would be a one night stand, and was fine with it being that.

But since then we have been seeing each other regularly for sex, we chat and have a drink etc too but never meet up without sex. We do chat on phone/texts about things other than sex, and I do like him as a friend but I dont spend all my time thinking about him or anything. Im 100% happy with the way things are, I am not ready for another serious partner.

My friends known about us from the start - she constantly asks about our relationship. But shes started to show her disgust that I have no intention of entering a serious relationship with him. She says its disgusting and how can I enjoy it? (shes a virgin, shes 24 and thinks sex is vile and she never wants to have it, ever) She wants me to be in a relationship with him or not see him at all.

How can I tell her nicely too fark off? I respect the fact she doesnt want sex, why cant she respect that I like it and if Im being careful then whats the harm? Or is what I am doing really THAT immoral?

NigellaTheOriginal Sat 19-Jul-08 19:40:22

wouldn't bother to do it nicely - just say next time - none of your business ms virgin - fark off.

cocolepew Sat 19-Jul-08 19:40:34

Don't talk to her about it, if she brings it up say' we'll just have to agree to disagree' or some such shite. It's really none of her business.

BalloonSlayer Sat 19-Jul-08 19:41:46

Tell her you will listen to her opinion on sex when she has tried it . . .?

Silly beach (her)

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Sat 19-Jul-08 19:46:19

I'd be well pissed off with this. If she brings it up again (asks you how it's going or whatever) tell her firmly 'it's going the same as it was last week, and I really wish you would respect that I'm happy with it as it is. I feel you are judging my behaviour and I'm not prepared to be judged by a friend. Now can we drop it so we don't end up falling out'. Or that's what I would say anyway.

Hecate Sat 19-Jul-08 19:48:05

She sounds like she's got a serious problem. Sex is disgusting? she never wants to try it?

Come on, that's not normal. (unless she 8!!) She hasn't been abused, has she?

Anyway, she doesn't get a say and I see no reason why you should be so concerned with her feelings because she sure as hell isn't bothered about yours!

Just tell her that you are safe, you enjoy it just the way it is and it is really none of her business so can she please stop asking you about it and stop trying to dictate how you may or may not conduct your relationships.

nickytwotimes Sat 19-Jul-08 19:52:33

Your friend definitely has a problem!
I had a similar experience with a friend who thought it was disgsting that I might enjoy sleeping with a guy just for it's own sake. Sod that!
SO long as you are happy with the arrangement, which you are, it is absolutely fine.

hartwithateart Sat 19-Jul-08 19:54:20

not that I know of hecate - but i had thought of that. she watches lots of sex channels - with shows about very unusual sex things - eg dressing up like a pig/peeing on people etc. then she takes delight in telling me them. last halloween we had a girlie night in - we were telling ghost stories hers had serious gay sex (male gay sex) overtones. we were all quite disturbed.

shes never done anything more than kiss a guy. which is fine if shes happy but she openly expresses disgust at people with a sex life, and is especially disgusted with mine.

prettyfly1 Sat 19-Jul-08 19:57:40

ummmm. there is an old phrase - the first to point the finger are those who dislike the same traits in themselves. Missy needs to get some. sorry but she does. she seems to have serious hang ups and she either needs to get laid or get therapy - either way she should get a life. I am sure she is a nice girl otherwise why would you care however tell herto fark off - provided you are being careful it doesnt matter. just enjoy youself and have fun!!

Hecate Sat 19-Jul-08 19:59:29

Something is going on with her, isn't it? She sounds seriously screwed up in that department. Perhaps only the really bizarre stuff turns her on and she's freaked out by that and is trying to overcompensate?

I think you are going to have to tell her bluntly to shut up. - About your choices and about the freaky sex stuff!

Podrick Sat 19-Jul-08 20:00:40

I think a lot of folk think sex belongs within a committed relationship and would want that for people they care about - not so odd imo.

She sounds protective of you when you do not want her protection...just tell her straight.

kerryk Sat 19-Jul-08 20:38:18

gosh she really has got a problem.

so really even if you were happily married to your childhood sweetheart and had only ever slept with him, she would still think you were disgusting.

next time you see her tell her you did not have enough money to pay the window cleaner and you had to give him a blow job instead.

hartwithateart Mon 21-Jul-08 13:51:41

grin kerry

StarSparkle Mon 21-Jul-08 14:10:32

I say that your sex life has nothing what so ever to with her.

You and this guy both are having fun. Both of you are adults and seem to know that you are both just having a no strings attached sexual relationship.

You are not cheating, married of hurting anyone. You both seem to be happy with it and neither of you are misleading the other.

Your friend seems to be putting her own hang ups about sex onto you. Perhaps she envy's you for your honest and healthy relationship towards sex.

Continue with what makes you happy and tell her to bugger off, if she doesn't support you in a thing you are so comfy and happy with - she isn't a good friend !

Janos Mon 21-Jul-08 15:00:20

Yes, tell her to MYOB. She sounds very odd.

Good idea btw kerryk, that should have steam coming out of her ears, ha ha.

WideWebWitch Mon 21-Jul-08 15:05:00

Just popped in to congratulate you on your use of 'turbo slut' - like it

PinkTulips Mon 21-Jul-08 15:44:56

she's the freak, not you.

you and your male friend are having a perfectly healthy sexual relationship which you are both happy with.

i agree with whoever said it sounds like she's turned on by the more bizarre stuff and is disturbed by those feelings in herself. like a man who refuses to admit he's gay so acts in a homophobic way towards gay men.

if she brings it up again tell her as soon as she's had a healthy sexual relationship she can have a discussion with you about your but until then to mind her own damn business.

duke748 Mon 21-Jul-08 21:23:48

I have a similar situation with a very dear friend of mine.

I won't go into all the details as its your thread, but suffice to say that when a friend is that disgusted/disapproving its hard not to think that they might have a point.

But hey, if you arn't hurting or deceiving anyone, then, go ahead and do your thing.

What I have decided to do is not talk to that friend about sex at all. I have plenty of other friends who do want to hear the gory details!

But I agree, it would be nice for people to accept the different choices that you make in life, even if they are not what they would do.

In my experience, the more conservative someone is, the more narrow minded they are too. ;0(

kama Mon 21-Jul-08 21:26:21

Message withdrawn

bethoo Mon 21-Jul-08 21:31:54

to be honest i think she secretly envies you in that you are happy with what you are doing. she cant really judge you since she has no idea!
hey good on you and i think that after what you have been through you need to have some fun.
heck i envy you! grin

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