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Dh son has contacted him after 20 years!!

(15 Posts)
beautox Sat 19-Jul-08 16:27:33

Long story short I am wife no 3, first wife 2 children, divorced, 2nd wife 3 children widowed. I live with my two and his three from second marriage. Son from first marriage has contacted him via Facebook. First wife had affair, got dh out of flat and lives of children so he has had no contact for a long long time. He is quite apprehensive but going to meet him next week. Anyone had any experience of long lost children turning up? TIA

frumpygrumpysooksgin Sat 19-Jul-08 16:32:31

I will watch with interest....... my dear brother had to walk away from his daughter 15 years ago. It broke his heart. We all hope one day she will come looking.........

Hope it works out well. I guess he shouldn't expect much in the beginning. All the best xx.

fransmom Sat 19-Jul-08 16:35:03

good luck to both of you xxx
fgs - have you thought of contacting the salvation army? they might be able to help? or even registering (perhaps not the right term) with the local social services (in both areas) just in case? hth xxxx

beautox Sat 19-Jul-08 16:35:42

Son seems very keen, been texting loads everything from fav holidays to music, alas no Bruce on his part. Good luck to your bro x

frumpygrumpysooksgin Sat 19-Jul-08 16:38:34

Thanks for that Fransmom. I hadn't thought of them.

I guess its a can of worms none of us wants to open.......... however, if she made it clear she was ready to find out about him that would be different.

She was just about 9 months old at the time. His relationship with her mother was very, very strained and argumentative. It was messy and I don't think any of us want to reopen it.

Sad. But we all have these little things don't we.

Sorry to hi-jack. Bumping.......

Tigerschick Sat 19-Jul-08 16:39:27

Something similar is happening between my cousin and his dad after 35 years of not seeing eachother - cousin was barely 1yo. (Strangely for us, we have been in touch with both 'sides' throughout - very complicated)
It's a fairly daunting thing to go thru but I really hope that things work out really well for you.

fransmom Sat 19-Jul-08 16:41:28

it's jsut you registering(or rather your brother?) that he is there and that maybe somewhere she might look.....

beautox Sat 19-Jul-08 16:43:01

Get on Facebook, Friends Reunited, MySpace that's where people will look.

fransmom Sat 19-Jul-08 16:45:16

have to go time expired, good luck all xxx

wotulookinat Sat 19-Jul-08 16:57:15

My dad's daughter from his first marriage suddenlt got in contact with him about 2 years ago. She was very friendly to him, and got to know my mum. She wasn't too interested in me or my brother, which we didn't mind. However, it transpires that she was only sussing out possible inheritance and has now stopped contacting my father, which he is very upset about. Be cautious.

crunch Sat 19-Jul-08 17:12:35

Hi

I wasn't a 'long lost' child because my father knew where I was most of my life but for reasons only he knows he chose not to contact me. I made contact with him almost two years ago and though we havn't met yet we do stay in touch by phone and email.

What is he apprehensive about?

ActingNormal Sat 19-Jul-08 19:59:41

FrumpyGrumpy, Your brother could contact the Office of National Statistics. They keep a register of people who would be happy to be put in contact with relatives (Adoption Contact Register). If his daughter is on there and he registers as well, they will give them each other's contact details. He could register and then if she ever asks them, ONS will give her his contact details. This is how I found my birthmother

frumpygrumpysooksgin Sat 19-Jul-08 21:30:49

Thanks for that! Thats interesting. I come from a screwed up family and that might be just what my mum needs to find her birthmother [embarassed by how dysfunctional it all seems] grin

fransmom Sun 20-Jul-08 11:53:58

thansk actingnormal, i couldn't think what it was called smile

ActingNormal Sun 20-Jul-08 12:36:53

FrumpyGrumpy, finding her may not be the answer. Finding mine made me worse for a while! She may not be the woman your Mum had visualised/hoped for. She may not react to her in the way she has hoped. Her reasons for giving her up may not seem 'bad' enough. I've found it difficult to have a relationship with my mother because of lack of trust and I am hypersensitive to anything she does which I could interpret as rejection. Having said that, if I had never found her I would still feel I needed to do it and couldn't rest until I had done it. And some people have a good experience of it. I just think you need to be prepared for if it isn't as you had imagined.

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