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Ended it with bf....he's texting like crazy...going round my friends houses....and threatening suicide.

(49 Posts)
JumpingDizzy Fri 18-Jul-08 12:28:03

I've wanted to end it for a while. We've only been seeing each other 4 months but he moved in with me uninvited. I'm on HB so was forever on tenderhooks. I just wanted to be there with my boys and my dog but whenever I tried to tell him to go he'd change the subject. He just wouldn't listen.
I started noticing he was becoming more obsessive. He went round a friend's house at 10.30 the other night looking for me but I was at another friend's. Luckily he didn't know where they live.
So, I decided enough and told him to go yesterday. He completely crumbled. I had to go outside with the dog (luckily kids with daddy) and ring him to tell him to leave the house. He refused so I threatened him with the police. Whilst he was out I got a friend round and she got her locksmith mate to change the locks so I could have peace of mind. I packed his things and put them on the front, then told him to get them.
He's been costantly texting begging me to have him back. He's been round to 3 friends houses then went to my church healing group last night pouring it all out to them and crying.
He's trying every trick to get me back. Even said he'll take my boys and his (who he hardly bothers with) out on Sunday to give me a break. I get plenty of break as exdh and I share-care. NOt that I'd dream of letting him.
Latest he's going to kill himself. Then he changes tack and says can we go out for the meal he's booked tonight even though I've been the one paying for us to go out as he's been hard up. NOw his dd who's pg wants to meet me on Sunday even though he never sees herhmm Another he'd pay for me and my best mate to go away. It's endless.
I have my phone on silent but keep checking texts as friends are in touch too. I'm out of town with the dog. Somewhere he'll never find me.
I'm dreading going home though as he's not going to give up easily. I just don't know what to do next?

NotDoingTheHousework Fri 18-Jul-08 12:48:41

Message withdrawn

JumpingDizzy Fri 18-Jul-08 12:49:36

I just rang my mam and he's there crying. Talked to him on the phone and he was coming out with more shit sad

NotDoingTheHousework Fri 18-Jul-08 12:59:35

Message withdrawn

TheProvincialLady Fri 18-Jul-08 13:02:36

Contact your friends and family, warn them that he is doing this and tell them not to engage in any conversation with him whatsoever. Don't talk to him yourself except to warn him that you will contact the police if he does not leave you alone - then literally do not say another word to him on any subject. Anything you say will just fan the flames further and he will think there is a chance that he can argue with you and make you change your mind.

I would ring the police now and get their advice.

bethoo Fri 18-Jul-08 13:04:50

he soundsl iek he is a control nut! once you let him back in he will start to take control of your life, he is already obsessive and probably possessive if he is following yuor movements.
stay well clear. he sounds potentially dangerous if threatening suicide.
it is emotional blackmail.
stay away

madamez Fri 18-Jul-08 13:05:24

Contact the police now, this man is a potential danger to you and your children.
OK with a bit of luck the police will warn him off and he will get a grip and leave you alone, but if not, you want it on record as soon as possible that he is a problem, as that will mean that any further action needed will happen quicker (ie an injunction against him for harassment etc). Contact Women's Aid as well, make sure you know what you can do and how to do it if he doesn't disappear.

Was he going to leave your mum's when you got off the phone? You need to call her and tell her not to let him in or engage in conversation with him. He's trying to get to you through all the people you love.

He sounds potentially dangerous, I would do what Madamez suggested. Better safe than sorry. Be very careful.

OverMyDeadBody Fri 18-Jul-08 13:12:08

I'd call the police too.

And ignore him completely and let all your fdmily and friends know to ignore him too.

warthog Fri 18-Jul-08 13:17:31

another vote for the police. you can't reason with this bloke. your friends and family should blank him. he needs to be told he's overstepped the mark, and the police are the only ones that will get through.

JumpingDizzy Fri 18-Jul-08 13:20:29

The trouble is if people let him in then it's up to them? She was feeling sorry for him until I filled her in. My brother's bee told he's there. Mam's bf is in the house but the wuss is upstairs angry

I think I'll have to ask the police's advice though.

warthog Fri 18-Jul-08 13:24:13

can you get your mum's bf to chuck him out?

marmalady Fri 18-Jul-08 13:27:03

My friend went through this. she changed the locks and eventually ignored him. He never did kill himself- not saying this is the way to go for all peolpe but she just did not know what else to do.

ginnny Fri 18-Jul-08 13:27:47

Block his number from your phone, tell the police and tell everyone not to talk to him.
He sounds like a loon.
I think you may have had a lucky escape.

warthog Fri 18-Jul-08 13:28:17

yes, definitely ignore him. don't speak on the phone, don't respond to texts. phone friends and family and warn them not to let him in.

JumpingDizzy Fri 18-Jul-08 13:36:14

i said to mum why can't your bf chuck him out? She just said he's upstairs angry

I have changed my locks first thing I did. I'm going to ask exdh to have the kids for a bit longer.

warthog Fri 18-Jul-08 13:42:35

i'd ask your mum to ask him to leave. on any pretext - having to go out to see friends, whatever. go home, drive round the block once to check he's not around. if he shows up, warn him once that you'll call the police unless he leaves. and then follow through.

ask exh to keep kids for longer.

JumpingDizzy Fri 18-Jul-08 13:54:49

he's texted again saying there's something nice going to my house for me at 2 and he's booked the table for 8 to take me out?

I'm out of town anyway and won't be going home until at least tomorrow.

beanieb Fri 18-Jul-08 13:57:12

How come within 4 months he is so much a part of your family that he's allowed upstairs in your mums house, or would go and see your mum RE the split? To me that is very odd behaviour and I would be worried.

sallystrawberry Fri 18-Jul-08 13:57:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beanieb Fri 18-Jul-08 13:58:02

- oh and, seeing as you let him move in with you, does he have anywhere to go? Where is his stuff?

JumpingDizzy Fri 18-Jul-08 14:02:50

hi sal, he knows where exdh lives. I'm either staying put or going to my sister's out of town he doesnt' know where she lives.

Or maybe cardiff grin wink

TheProvincialLady Fri 18-Jul-08 14:04:16

Tell your mum and anyone else who is your friend/family that their loyalty is to YOU, not to some nutter you were only seeing for four monthshmm

sallystrawberry Fri 18-Jul-08 14:04:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sallystrawberry Fri 18-Jul-08 14:05:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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