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Relationships

boyfriend that I do not love but we have 2 children together has just walked out, do I grab the chance or take him back?

65 replies

laralamb · 17/07/2008 23:35

Boyfriend of 11 years has got in a drunken strop and just walked out, should I just say that is the end and find someone new or should I cling on?

We have two children together, however they are both very young and I think they would get over their daddy leaving, should I just make a break for it?

if anyone needs more details please specify and I will be happy to give them.

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Carmenere · 17/07/2008 23:39

God yes, you obviously don't love him and you both should have a chance to find someone who cares about you.

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moondog · 17/07/2008 23:43

Blimey, do you give up this easily with everything?

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1973 · 17/07/2008 23:44

god yes, if you wanted out anyway, seize the chance.

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Beetroot · 17/07/2008 23:45

sieze the day and enjoy

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pinkteddy · 17/07/2008 23:46

does he often get in a drunken strop?

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RambleOn · 17/07/2008 23:48

moondog - give her a break, she lasted 11 years

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laralamb · 17/07/2008 23:50

no he is very kind to me, but I guess I am still very young (27?) , normally it is me in the drunken strop, however, he always considers himself hard done by.

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laralamb · 17/07/2008 23:52

I think perhaps you all need some more details.

We have been a rather happy couple, but he has completly let himself go, and i'M FED UP AND BORED of him.

Is this really enough of an excuse to let go of a family unit?

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moondog · 17/07/2008 23:52

aLL THE MORE REASon to hold out for another 11. I can't bear the way people convince themselves that divorce/separation doesn't affect their kids.

It is possibly the single most traumatic thing they will go through ever.

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QuintessentialShadows · 17/07/2008 23:55

maybe a stable family life just doesnt suit you? I mean, if your complaint is that he is boring and let him self go. Does he have any redeeming qualities?

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laralamb · 17/07/2008 23:55

I know you are right moondog

Which is why I know if I said ok thats it, then it would be for my own selfish reasons, nothing more because he is a tolorent and lovely guy....

just want an excuse really.

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QuintessentialShadows · 17/07/2008 23:56

Just let him go. He cant be very happy if this is how you value him. Give this poor lovely guy a chance of meeting somebody who WILL value him.

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laralamb · 17/07/2008 23:56

Quintessentialshadows - yes unfortunatly for me yes he has alot of redeeming features, everyone I know wants to do a wife swap with me for a holiday,

but I am so bored with my relationship now.

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moondog · 17/07/2008 23:57

I don't think there is anything wrong with telling him nicely that he has let himself go though. We all want someone who looks their best. I constantly bark at my dh and tell him to lay off the food.

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laralamb · 17/07/2008 23:59

lol moondog, he does not shave ever, if you saw him, you would just thing omg this guy lives in a cardboardbox

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QuintessentialShadows · 17/07/2008 23:59

Well, I have a suggestion for you ir you are bored. Why dont you leave him and your kids? Plenty of opportunities for fun and the single life! You are still young!

Personally, I dont believe in bored. Only boring people are bored. It is up to YOU to make your life exciting, not him. He might be pretty bored of you too!

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laralamb · 18/07/2008 00:00

I have little doubt he is bored of me aswell, then we would both be selfish if we called it quits?

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laralamb · 18/07/2008 00:01

I think we both want out, but morals keep us together, is this right?

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colacubes · 18/07/2008 00:03

In my experience, the grass is not greener, infact its usually a muddy mess on the other side of that fence, so if thats what you are thinking, be sure!

But if you genuinely dont love or want him, then let him go, and get on with your life.

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laralamb · 18/07/2008 00:04

I'm 27 am I doomed to stick in a stale relationship for the next 50 years?

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laralamb · 18/07/2008 00:04

can I have a vote what others would do in my situ?

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QuintessentialShadows · 18/07/2008 00:05

I think you need to sit down and talk to your boyfriend. No screaming and shouting and blaming, just an honest exchange of thoughts. There may still be a chance you and him can work it out, but it could be an amicable split.

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laralamb · 18/07/2008 00:09

do you think it's woth the split the QS?

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laralamb · 18/07/2008 00:10

it would be amicable I am sure.

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wabbit · 18/07/2008 00:17

I think you need to consider everything that's good and everything that's bad about your relationship, you two need to talk about why you're both unhappy - give yourselves a chance to discover yourselves as individuals within this long partnership you have had.
You must have got together when you were very young, and have grown alongside eachother, it's inevitable that you've both changed in this time... perhaps a break would help to strengthen what you have, or make you both realise that you're goals have become different as you have got older.

If he lets himself go (not shaving etc) tell him why it bothers you, he will I'm sure know it does and it may be a silent way of him telling you that he feels undervalued... just TALK, no alcohol, no children around, just the two of you.

Lovely men are few and far between - take care of them when they do wish to share your life.

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