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I have started to think DH may be having an affair.

(108 Posts)
nnamechanger Thu 17-Jul-08 15:26:00

1. he has lost a bit of weight recently.
2. he has started going to the gym 3-4 times a week.
3. he keeps his phone on silent.
4. he goes "out for a drink after work" maybe once a week.
5. he goes "to practice his golf" 3 times a week.
6. he is'nt as interested in sex as he used to be.

Beetroot Thu 17-Jul-08 15:27:34

and have you said anything to him?

Ecmo Thu 17-Jul-08 15:28:09

could it not just be a mid life crisis. How old is he?

CountessDracula Thu 17-Jul-08 15:28:41

And is all of this diff to usual? I mean did it all happen at once or has he always done the gym/golf?

Does he seem emotionally detatched as well as physically?

nnamechanger Thu 17-Jul-08 15:29:59

he never used to be interested in gym. he has always golfed but not to this extent

he is quieter than usual in the evenings but not emotionally detached

nnamechanger Thu 17-Jul-08 15:30:44

No I haven't said anything to him. I don't want to upset him if it's not true!

Hecate Thu 17-Jul-08 15:32:22

Have you told him that you are concerned?

What you've listed are, ok I'll be honest, all signs of an affair.

BUT there are other explanations, so don't let your imagination run away with you.

Is it the same day every week he goes to the pub? If so, next week, say "I have arranged for X to babysit so I'll join you tonight." His reaction will tell you loads!

Pop into the gym when he's supposed to be there.
Same to golf.

CountessDracula Thu 17-Jul-08 15:34:35

Can you not ask him about it without suggesting he is having an affair?

Could you just say "I wondered if anything was wrong as you don't seem to want to spend much time with me and you don' tseem v interested in sex are you ok?"
or similar

nnamechanger Thu 17-Jul-08 15:34:39

But I cant# really follow him to the gym etc as we don't have any babysitters

and he knows that

He doesn't go to these things same night every week, no.

CountessDracula Thu 17-Jul-08 15:36:37

could you check his phone
or his phone bills?

If you feel unable to speak to him about it you either have to trust him or you have to find out for yourself really.

I would suggest talking about it would be better though!

nnamechanger Thu 17-Jul-08 15:37:10

I have asked him:-
"Why is your phone always on silent? There have been times I have been unable to reach you"

"are you ok? You seem a bit distant recently"

To the first question he said he has to keep it on silent as he is always in meetings these days at work so he just keeps forgetting to switch it back onto ring. Also on the golf course it has to be on silent.

To the second questions he just denied it.

Neeerly3 Thu 17-Jul-08 15:37:48

erm, i'm not convinced they are signs of an affair? or maybe i am niave?!


1) goes to pub after work once a week on a friday, always home for bathtime with kids
2) goes to rugby training twice a week and when in season plays a game on saturdays
3) does football with mates on a monday and wednesday

however he is 20st and is desperately trying to loose weight before baby number 3 arrives in feb, so that he is more fit and full of life and able to cope with 3 little uns in the house.

Is your DH overweight, does he need to loose weight - should you perhaps be congratulating him on trying and also succeeding in getting his weight down? Is having golf as a hobby a bad thing?

CountessDracula Thu 17-Jul-08 15:38:32

oh I see
I thought you meant he had it on silent at home

I think you can suggest he has it on vibrate in his pocket so you can reach him when he is playing golf, surely?

nnamechanger Thu 17-Jul-08 15:38:33

WHilst he was in the shower this morning i almost checked his phone but I didn't.

I might keep an eye out for his phone bill coming through the door, thanks.

nnamechanger Thu 17-Jul-08 15:38:59

It IS on silent at home. ALL the time 24/7.

CountessDracula Thu 17-Jul-08 15:40:07

If he leaves it lying around while he is in the shower I doubt he has anything to hide (unless he is deleting evidence or is very confident that you trust him and wouldn't snoop)

Phone bill will show the history though

nnamechanger Thu 17-Jul-08 15:40:31

Oh god yes i have congratulated him on his weight loss - not that he really needed it

CountessDracula Thu 17-Jul-08 15:41:09

and this is recent? that it is on silent at home?

ThatBigGermanPrison Thu 17-Jul-08 15:41:16

Check the phone already!

nnamechanger Thu 17-Jul-08 15:41:28

TBH I have checked his phone in the past - nothing. But then it is easy to delete stuff isn't it?

nnamechanger Thu 17-Jul-08 15:42:08

It's the past couple of months phone is on silent all the time and I just don't know why.

Neeerly3 Thu 17-Jul-08 15:43:33

isn't it a sad state of affairs when a man starts doing something more with his life and for the good of his health by the sounds we automatically think its an affair

maybe if he stayed home and put on weight we'd be happier

CountessDracula Thu 17-Jul-08 15:44:03

yes it is easy

Are you aware of anyone he might be getting involved with? A new girl at work? Anyone he has started talking about more?
Does he have previous?

nnamechanger Thu 17-Jul-08 15:45:23

Neerly, if you don't mind, please.

nnamechanger Thu 17-Jul-08 15:47:10

No, he doesn't have previous. And he has mentione d no-one at work.

He has also seemed very confident recently, whereas he used ot be shy and a loner (but in a nice way!)

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