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Do you feel 'responsible'; for other peoples moods?

(33 Posts)
Oliveoil Thu 17-Jul-08 14:28:32

(and I have no idea where my ' needs to go in the title and care not)

dh is v moody atm, we are in the process of (not) selling our house, quite stressy, weather is shite, various stuff

bear with a sore head

he can be Eeyore-esque anyway but atm I feel like I am on pins, tiptoeing about

when really he is quite entitled to be fed up, I know I am but don't tend to spread my moods about [halo]

how do I stop thinking of it as MY problem?

is this a female thing as women at work are the same

geekgirl Thu 17-Jul-08 14:30:50

yes, I always think it must be something I've done <paranoid>

but then dh does like to blame me for everything when in a foul mood

It's most unfair really as I am not a grumpy person and don't go around making everyone else feel crap

OverMyDeadBody Thu 17-Jul-08 14:33:13


I used to. And then it dawned on me, I was not responsible for anyone else's mood or behaviour, they where.

It was a revelation, it really was, to no longer be so affected by other people's moods or blame myself

TigerFeet Thu 17-Jul-08 14:34:30

Watching with interest

I am a bugger for this.

Egg shells and tip toes all the farking time

It is, frankly, ridiculous

TigerFeet Thu 17-Jul-08 14:35:11

Oh and it's people's btw

<<worries about upsetting OO>>

Oliveoil Thu 17-Jul-08 14:36:01

it is ridiculous isn't it?

what brought about the change OMDB?

RubberDuck Thu 17-Jul-08 14:36:21

Yes. I don't do the eggshell thing, but pick up on other people's moods quickly and echo them. So if someone was in a bad temper in the office, I would be in a bad temper. If they were depressed, I'd be in a black pit by the end of the afternoon.

Being aware of it and learning to snap out of it and be positive is really hard work but worth every ounce of effort.

Oliveoil Thu 17-Jul-08 14:36:50

(I thought it was people's but then thought of upsetting pedants if not)

swiftyknickers Thu 17-Jul-08 14:37:48

oooooooh me too-DP is a miserable freakin sod at the moment as work awful-feel like i am constantly placating him so he doesn't get grumpy

RubberDuck Thu 17-Jul-08 14:39:19

oo ... erm... I think it's people's. Got me wondering now, argh!

girlnextdoor Thu 17-Jul-08 14:39:44

Your mood is not my problem
Your mood is not my problem
Your mood is not my problem

repeat and pin post it on forehead til message sticks.

sagacious Thu 17-Jul-08 14:40:21

Used to .. the cajoling..the tip toeing round..sshhh kids leave dad alone.. yadda yah

I have given up trying to placate dh when he's stressed and shouty.

I tell him to bugger off out until he cheers up/ or I go out myself.

I have two children NOT three.

OverMyDeadBody Thu 17-Jul-08 14:40:40

OliveOil, I read a book called 'The Road Less Travelled' by M. Scott Peck, it got the old cogs turning and was the catalyst for me changing my thought patterns and the way I interact with others. I highly recommend it.

TigerFeet Thu 17-Jul-08 14:40:46

I want to shout at dh "Stop projecting your bad mood you fecker" but I don't. Why???

OverMyDeadBody Thu 17-Jul-08 14:41:52

people's (the moods belong to the people)

geekgirl Thu 17-Jul-08 14:42:41

oh I do the eggshell thing

and the keeping the kids away

dh can be horribly shouty if pissed off and the children and I hate that

(am not really living with a tyrant - mostly he's nice to be with, honest!)

Oliveoil Thu 17-Jul-08 14:42:50

yes, I tell him to fuck bugger off too sometimes

his dad is DREADFUL and I fear he will be Victor Meldrew as well

(note: this is not a rant against dh, he is lovely 99% of the time, I think this is more MY problem as I get so affected by his moods)

I have heard of this book but iirc Geri Halliwell recommended it and it kind of put me off blush

RubberDuck Thu 17-Jul-08 14:46:41

I think to a certain extent though that you have a choice to echo the mood. No, you can't stop them being grumpy or seeing things in you that isn't there, but you can ignore it and go do your own thing, or think to yourself "well he may be stressed, but things are going quite well for me at the moment and I'll easily get this done by the end of today" (or whatever is pertinent to the situation).

I spent a lot of time having a mantra to repeat whenever I'd catch myself slipping (something simple that's less than 10 words long, preferably). Like ... erm... "I am cheerful and calm and can sail through the day" ... okay, that's 1 word too many, but you get the idea. And if you catch yourself feeling negative then for every negative thought try and think of at least 3 positive ones.

"Oh I'm so fed up with the weather" (hah, need to do this one myself at the moment - practise what I preach).

"I won't have to water the garden tonight"
"The grass is looking lovely and green"
"The forecast is good for next Tuesday - I'll take the kids out to the park".

OverMyDeadBody Thu 17-Jul-08 14:50:00

I didn't know that, it would have put me off it too oliveoil! It is very good though.

RubberDuck Thu 17-Jul-08 14:50:49

And if you get really practised you can do the same when they moan.

"This house is a tip"

"The kids had great fun stacking all the toy drawers into one big tower."
"It won't take long to put stuff away again, the kids will help."
"I'll make a start on dinner and if you get the kids motivated to tidy then we can sit down and relax this evening".

Or something.

Positivity as a weapon grin

Oliveoil Thu 17-Jul-08 14:51:04

iirc she was reading it when she flounced out of the Spice Girls, I may be wrong

will have a mooch on Amazon

OverMyDeadBody Thu 17-Jul-08 14:51:37

Yes, as rubberduck said, you can't change their mood, but you can stop yourself being affected by it. I just tihnk now "well, he/she may be having a bad day but I'm not". Smiling helps of course.

Oliveoil Thu 17-Jul-08 14:51:44

RD - I do the positive thing, I am Tigger to his Eeyore

tbh, I think it pisses him off more!

OverMyDeadBody Thu 17-Jul-08 14:53:19

hmm, well, despite GH having read it, it is mighty good.

Positivity as a weapon RD, I like that!grin

I do that with DS when he's in a fowel mood, it winds him up more to start off with but soon rubs off on him.

RubberDuck Thu 17-Jul-08 14:54:30

Yeah, it probably does piss them off more, but at least you don't get dragged down too An' Tiggers don' like dark black pits.

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