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DH is sick

(24 Posts)
OrmIrian Wed 16-Jul-08 23:14:53

He has the sickess bug that everyone else has had. And that I have had to deal with. Meaning very little sleep for 3 nights running because DS#2, DD and I have been ill so far (DH doesn't hear a thing after his head hits the pillow). He even got slightly tetchy with me last night because I said I was tired. Why, he asked hmm I have to be at death's door before he notices I am ill. But now, he's ill and my god don't we know it. It's so bloody theatrical. Almost comic.

But where do some people get the ability to cast aside responsibility so easily? I wish I had it. DH can do it because he's a little bit ill, because it's the weekend and he just wants to read the paper in peace for crying out loud, because it's the European championships, because it's the anniversary of his dad's death so he has to go out for a pint, his best mate's a bit miserable and out of sorts so he needs to go for a pint, because he's feeling a bit fed up and out of sorts so he just wants to pop out for a pint (anyone see a pattern emerging? grin).

I get to do things for me. I'm not feeling downtrodden (well not by DH) but I just wish I had such a relaxed attitude to my responsiblities. Where do they learn it? Is it genetic (his dad was a feckless ar*e whom I would like to smack round the head for the way he treated his family) or is it learned?

PussinJimmyChoos Wed 16-Jul-08 23:18:38

Its learned am sure of it....I hate to say it but I'm sure the upbringing by the mother plays a part in DH was nannied by his mother (and still is) and so he can just huff and puff on the sofa when he has a cold quite easily...I do sympathise...

You know, I did the am shift with DS the other week and woke DH up at 10.30am -a pretty reasonable lie in imo. I wanted to go back to bed for forty winks but had DH croaking (he wasn't unwell, just tired!)...can you carry him downstairs for me...I've just woke legs....


I'm so hungry I need to eat, can you see to him until I've eaten...

Er...I'm hungry when I've just woken up too you know but I just get on with it!!

KerryMum Wed 16-Jul-08 23:19:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PussinJimmyChoos Wed 16-Jul-08 23:20:03

Pmsl at KerryMum!

OrmIrian Wed 16-Jul-08 23:22:33

Yes indeed km. He was lying groaning in bed until I told him I was going to sleep on the sofa downstairs when he suddenly realised that meant he could have a DVD-fest in bed and shuffled downstair to find some.

Strange how he still wants to have sex though hmm

KerryMum Wed 16-Jul-08 23:25:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland Wed 16-Jul-08 23:28:32

It's not learned.

People get this idea because others put up with their bullshit.

Quattrocento Wed 16-Jul-08 23:34:09

My DH takes to bed at the slightest provocation. A sniffle? Why that means bed for two days. A backache? Why that means a week off work. Each day in bed means a day of being waited on hand and foot.

Now my DH is a thoroughly industrious selfless and good man, with a strong protestant work ethic. Yet even he succumbs to the manflu syndrome.

I think this sort of behaviour is genetic, actually. It's hardwired in.


OrmIrian Wed 16-Jul-08 23:34:42

But why do they start? I buy the idea that if you live with a sucker (hmm) you can get away with it, but how does they get started. I would never dream of doing this. I'm an adult, that's not what adults do is it?

thumbwitch Wed 16-Jul-08 23:36:58

I think it's inherent in them being male. Some get away with it more than others and are therefore worse. I keep nagging telling DH that he has to learn to put DS first in his list of priorities now, not himself any more - and that when he is asked to do something urgently, that doesn't mean after he has had a pee, wandered around the kitchen aimlesslu for 5 minutes and then made himself a cuppa - it means NOW!

Similarly in the morning when I had DS in with me all night - Dh would come in to see if we were awake, I was knackered, asked if DH could take DS to change him as he was wet, and DH would say "I've got to have my breakfast first", so I would have ot do it myself or DS would have had to wait another 20 mins in a soggy nappy.

And then last weekend, DS was ill with a cold/tummy bug (caught the cold from DH) and DH HAD to go out and play tennis twice, despite me telling him that his cold would get better quicker if he rested, and despite the fact that DS wanted his daddy around cos he felt grotty.

I might be being ABU here but it peed me off!

KerryMum Wed 16-Jul-08 23:41:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland Wed 16-Jul-08 23:42:28

My DH thinks men who pull all that manflu shit are wussies.

KerryMum Wed 16-Jul-08 23:44:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KerryMum Wed 16-Jul-08 23:45:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland Wed 16-Jul-08 23:47:32

He's WAY hard!

He thinks men who won't have vasectomies, but expect their wives to have tubal ligation (which is a way more invasive procedure) or sort out the birth control, are pussy boys, too.

PussinJimmyChoos Wed 16-Jul-08 23:48:13

Thumbwitch - my DH is the same! Always needs to pee, eat or whatever before he does something. I get so agitated that things don't get done right away, I end up doing them myself. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong as they won't learn that way will they??!!

KerryMum Wed 16-Jul-08 23:48:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joolyjoolyjoo Wed 16-Jul-08 23:52:13

Oh God, don't start me on men and illness. My Dh soldiers on manfully, but needs a round of applause for it. His cold is talked about at great length- I have to know exactly HOW sore his head is, the exact detail of the pain ("it's like small rodents chewing through my eyeballs"), how it started with a sore throat, but now has progressed to this misery. I have to know the colour of the "stuff" he is coughing up from his poor raddled lungs, and I am required to feel his head at intervals to see if he is burning up. Oh, now he is shivering! what's that about. How long will it last, do I think? Do I think he needs vitamins?? He's never EVER had a cold like this (since the last one!). Really, it must be more than a cold. He must be REALLY run down, huh? AD NAUSEAM!!!!!!!

And then, sorrowfully, "You're not very sympathetic, are you? WEll, I just hope YOU don't get it. THEN you'll know all about it!"
(obviously, at this point the kids and me have all ALREADY had it, but what we had was a poor shadow of the man-eating virus that he has!!) The last cold he had, my dad had too- that was worse!! They spent hours discussing it- I felt like I was going mad! Eventually I banned it as a topic, to find them whispering in corners...

I would rather be ill with dengue fever myself than have to live with a man with a cold. Honestly.

KerryMum Wed 16-Jul-08 23:53:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thumbwitch Wed 16-Jul-08 23:57:06


my DH always says that he is very healthy - he has had 3 colds this year alone. Whereas he tells me I am not a healthy person (I haven't had a cold for over a year now)

Puss - I think you're right but when I try to enlighten DH in the error of his ways, I get accused of bullying! <sigh>

tbh though, my DH is able to laugh at himself about this sometimes - I told him if his cold got worse after playing tennis that he would get zero sympathy and much "I told you so" - and he did put up with it.

wigparty Thu 17-Jul-08 00:08:31

OrmIrian, I'm surprised how you could be taking MAN FLU so lightly. It's a serious and debilitating sniffle illness that needs due care and attention.

Honestly though. I feel worse than DP when he is ill because the ENTIRE topic of conversation for ... EVER ... is the status of his various ailments!

Bless them grin

PurpleOne Thu 17-Jul-08 01:43:43

Yeah right.

My darling exh told me at the door the other day that he passed a kidney stone in the cinema with the dd's? hmm
Recalls back to the time my dad had them and I'd never seen a living person in such agony.

He's always bloody ill. Yet when I go past his house on the bus, he's always out pushing the cab.
And I think if his fat slag of a wife would actually lose some fucking weight, he wouldn't be pandering to her needs all the damn time.

But oh when me or the dd's are ill, he can't even be bothered to come around with a couple of requested bottles of Lucozade and water. And as a single mum, that Lucozade was much wanted, as me and dd1 and dd2 were all fighting over the toilet and 2 buckets......
Whose arse got there first was the lucky one, for about 5 mins....

What a load of bollocks grin

OrmIrian Thu 17-Jul-08 11:18:23

He's still ill!

But a little better <he croaked pathetically>. "Could I possibly have a cup of tea?". WTF, of course you can! When do I ever not make you a cup of tea if I'm up before you?

KatieScarlett2833 Thu 17-Jul-08 12:50:55

Mine has just phoned from work to say he is coming home as he thinks he has a throat infection.

Just bracing myself for my nursing duties. To be fair, he's very good at looking after me when I'm ill. I'm fecked.

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