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Husband feels totally left out - any advice

(13 Posts)
loubee123 Tue 15-Jul-08 11:10:27

Hi, I'm new to this website but need some advice. I have a 2 yr old daughter who is a total mummy's girl - she won't let her daddy do anything and even tells him to go away~! He idolises her (we had 3 miscarriages before we managed to have her)and this really hurts him. We now have another 7 month old daughter and I just have no time at all. I know my husband is being totally left out but I am too exhausted for anything (I would much rather sleep than have sex - how sad is that!). He seems really down and I wondered if anyone else had been through this and could give me some advice on how to get our first daughter to come round to him and get our relationship back on track too

mishymoo Tue 15-Jul-08 11:14:22

NOt much adviced I'm afraid but didn't want your thread to go unanswered!

Why doesn't your DH take your 2 year old out for a couple of hours, i.e. to the park or a funhouse or something similar.

loubee123 Tue 15-Jul-08 11:16:03

We've tried that... my dad died a couple of months ago and I had to fly home to England ( I live in northern Ireland) and the girls had to stay here with DH.. she was an angel for him - it just seems to be when I am here she only wants me...

Dropdeadfred Tue 15-Jul-08 11:16:34

Hi
My dd3 (and DP's only biological child) went through a phase of this. My only advise is to stop pandering to it...
If she screams and cries and says she wants you to bath her, read her stories, change her nappy etc then just say firmly 'you have a mummy ^and ^ a daddy that both love you and both are more than capable of looking after you. Mummy does not want to do 'blah blah blah' right now but daddy will. Then walk off and don't 'rescue' either of them if she screams and tantrums.

HumphreyCushioni Tue 15-Jul-08 11:16:58

Yes, special 'Daddy and DD1' time sounds like a great idea.

Even if you just take DD2 out for a walk in her pushchair, and Daddy stays in with DD1 to cook biscuits, paint, clay, have popcorn and watch a DVD, do silly dances etc etc.

loubee123 Tue 15-Jul-08 11:18:19

thanks, I think that is what I'll have to try...I'll try anything now!

scaryteacher Tue 15-Jul-08 12:48:45

Buy him an 'I love you' present each month - a book/CD/curlywurly etc from you, and that will make him feel wanted. Works for us anyway!

BalloonSlayer Tue 15-Jul-08 13:00:11

She may be jealous of the time you have to spend with DD2 and wanting you to stop DD2 getting you all the time.

Perhaps if your DH looked after DD2 a bit, DD1 would try to muscle in and demand his attention. . .? If it doesn't work, well, hey at least YOU got a bit of free time grin

newgirl Tue 15-Jul-08 13:17:14

mishymoo is right - thy should have time together every week eg saturday mornings swimming or whatever they like to do so thy form their own bond

i relate to feeling tired - how about a dat night for you two each week - out is ideal or evn just his favourite foods once a week tv off and make sure you sit and talk and listen, laugh at his jokes ...

loubee123 Tue 15-Jul-08 13:18:38

thanks for all your advice... I'll try it and keep you posted

Thatsnotmyfairy Tue 15-Jul-08 14:42:26

Hi

Apparently I wouldn't have anything to do with my dad for the first 2 years of my life. I screamed whenever he came near me! Poor man... I snapped out of it eventually though and it's really had no bearing on our relationship which I hope reassures your DH that it won't last forever. For as long as I can remember I've been as close to my dad as my mum and I'm sure that will happen in your case too.

Good luck!

seeker Tue 15-Jul-08 14:46:58

0y dd was like this. After ds was born, dd and dp used to "sneak" out of the house early on Saturday mornings and have breakfast together and go swimming, leaving me to have a lie in with the baby. I used to love lying in bed pretending to be asleep while they tiptoed round getting ready talking in loud stage whispers. It was fab - and everybody benefited.

Fizzylemonade Tue 15-Jul-08 19:34:03

I agree with Dropdeadfred, stop pandering, you are probably feeling guilty about spending time with your youngest daughter so it is understandable.

My ds1 went through this but before he had a brother and would alternate between me and dh on who he wanted. So he would call out from his bed for Daddy and then dh would go and he would say "no, I want Mummy" etc.

In the end if he called out for dh I would go and say "Daddy is busy, Mummy is here though"

Worked for us and I do have two mummy's boys grin but they run to their Dad when he comes home from work and launch themselves at him with kisses and cuddles.

Good luck

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