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My best friend's husband is a drinker, dope smoker, skirt chaser and not working at the moment.

(14 Posts)
helpmehelpme Mon 14-Jul-08 14:21:12

They've been together 15 years, have big children etc.

But his chasing of other women, texting, phoning etc. is driving my friend crazy. No proof of affairs.

He always comes back full of remorse but the cycle continues, Drinking, rows, chasing women etc.

He can be explosively angry unless he's had a drink or a smoke.

He has agreed to go to Relate to save the marriage but I'll believe it when I see it.

Just out of interest - does anyone know if a man like this can ever change???? I just can't see it myself. What does it take to get someone like this to change? I think Al-anon would be good but my friend is reluctant.

Feel terrible about what she goes through with him but she does say 'for better or for worse'. I think this is Beyond Worse!!!

loopylou6 Mon 14-Jul-08 14:24:29

sounds a nightmare, i think all you can do is be a good friend which it sounds like your already doing

HumphreyCushioni Mon 14-Jul-08 14:25:59

Why isn't he working?

FioFio Mon 14-Jul-08 14:28:00

Message withdrawn

PatienceRequired Mon 14-Jul-08 14:32:42

IMO this will go one of 2 ways....

She will somehow manage to get through to him that he needs to change and he will, or..

There will be a straw that will break the camels back and she will leave him.

My moneys is on the straw, been there done that, better off now.

In the meantime she will need someone who will support her by listening to her repeated moanings despite all the best advice in the world. Someone who dosent look at her as though she is thick for still being with him. Someone who will love her for who she is and can believe in her, that she will do the right thing at the right time. Just a really good friend, who understands that we all have different strength backs!! grin

helpmehelpme Mon 14-Jul-08 14:37:17

Thanks for posts, she knows I'm always there, I know there's nothing else I can do. But I find myself thinking all the time "Do men like this EVER change?".

But of course, it's entirely up to her to find her limits and decide when it's finally gone too far.

He's not working because he's worked hard for years and is now kicking back on his capital and trying to work out what he WANTS to do!!! But that's the family's security and future too apart from the fact that it leaves him free all day to lope about flirting like a teenager!

helpmehelpme Mon 14-Jul-08 14:38:34

I think he's a proper alcoholic as well, so people like him need to want to change don't they? They can't be prevailed upon effectively can they?

beanieb Mon 14-Jul-08 16:35:49

If she has no proof how does she know he is chasing other women?

She should leave him really if he is making her that unhappy.

Tortington Mon 14-Jul-08 16:37:00

no wont change

and she wont either

and so it will go on.

helpmehelpme Mon 14-Jul-08 17:30:11

oh she knows, he texts them, writes them letters, he's an established chaser of women.

I think she'd be so much better off if she just said, enough, Be Gone!

helpmehelpme Mon 14-Jul-08 17:31:43

oh she knows, he texts them, writes them letters, he's an established chaser of women.

I think she'd be so much better off if she just said, enough, Be Gone!

Lola234 Fri 18-Jul-08 16:35:33

you need to tell him that he needs to sort out his life or he will lose her (exaggerate)

kama Fri 18-Jul-08 16:38:11

Message withdrawn

ivykaty44 Fri 18-Jul-08 16:39:01

cycles have two pedals - if one pedal drops of the cycle stops wink

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