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What do you make of this?

(151 Posts)
Looksaroundinconfusion Mon 14-Jul-08 13:02:02

Last night H and I had a takeaway. Usually I would order a main course, rice and a side dish. He moaned that the side dish made the takeaway much more expensive so I didn't order it. When the food arrived I divided it completely in half and the portions were pretty small.

When he came in he looked at his portion and looked really irritated and then looked to see how big mine was. I explained that we had exactly half each because I had not ordered the side dish I would usually have had. We ended up rowing and he then said that as the man, the breadwinner and as he was bigger than me he should have had the bigger portion, he needs more calories etc. I am a SAHM and this morning he had told me that I need to get a job and start contributing to the house. I have had an easy ride for 5 years apparently.

I would be grateful for any opinions on this please, because it left me quite bemused. I really do want honest opinions.

Ags Mon 14-Jul-08 13:14:59

Oooh, it sounds like your h has been brewing over this for a while. It is the age old 'what do you do all day?' situation. I think a long conversation is required where he lays his cards on the table. I'm wondering if he is very worried about money and if it is having an effect on his behaviour with you - not unusual in these times!

NomDePlume Mon 14-Jul-08 13:18:59


I think the 2 of you need to sit down and discuss what is eating him.

nkf Mon 14-Jul-08 13:19:56

He's worried about money I'd say. Is there something happening at work that you don't know about.

ilovemydog Mon 14-Jul-08 13:21:11

Bit of an over reaction on his part, isn't it for small portions?

Is he worried about money?

Looksaroundinconfusion Mon 14-Jul-08 13:21:14

Money is not a problem - for him anyway.

OverMyDeadBody Mon 14-Jul-08 13:24:36

so did you both share one main course and one portion of rice?

Looksaroundinconfusion Mon 14-Jul-08 13:26:18

It is not just take aways. If I ever make an arrangement to go out, nine times out of ten he will make an arrangement as well and guess who ends up not going? Mine are normally pretty flexible but his HAVE to be done that night. Somehow they only ever come up AFTER I have made my arrangements though.

Iklboo Mon 14-Jul-08 13:27:10

I'd be tempted o say that as my IQ was greater than his I was entitled to a larger share

nkf Mon 14-Jul-08 13:27:11

Don't let him do that to you about night outs. It's not fair.

OverMyDeadBody Mon 14-Jul-08 13:27:41

It doesn't soubd like a very fair relatinhsip.

Looksaroundinconfusion Mon 14-Jul-08 13:27:43

Yes because usually I would order a side dish and have most of that instead of much of the main course because it is cheaper and I prefer the side dish. Also whenever we go out to eat if I order a salad or side dish it really irritates him even though he drinks alcohol and I don't.

ilovemydog Mon 14-Jul-08 13:28:38

Could it be that he feels that you are penny pinching unecessarily?

nkf Mon 14-Jul-08 13:31:11

I'd say as he went from a grumble about a takeaway to a rant about you not working, there is some unspoken resentment coming out in pettiness.

Looksaroundinconfusion Mon 14-Jul-08 13:33:09

No ilovemydog. He doesn't like salad or the vegetable side dishes himself so he does not see the point of it. If I ever order it as a main course he will moan about how much it cost for such cheap ingredients and how I should have something worth the money.

ginnny Mon 14-Jul-08 13:33:23

A free ride? WTF?
I'd leave him for that comment alone!! I'd be fuming.
Serious talking needed I think. If he is worried about money he should tell you, if not then what's his problem?
As for the nights out - make your arrangements less flexible and then let him sort out the babysitter.

FabioTheLiterateCat Mon 14-Jul-08 13:34:51

I think he's a greedy fucker.
I'd leave him alone with dcs for a weekend and return on Sunday night to discuss your 'easy ride.'
And go on strike.

Looksaroundinconfusion Mon 14-Jul-08 13:35:02

If it helps to give a bigger picture at all his father used to check the till receipt from the supermarket after his mother had been shopping and sometimes he "jokes" that maybe he should do that as well.

He also believes that Men are entitled to come and go as they please but not women. The "Breadwinner" should eat meat and have a cooked meal every day and not ever have to tell their wife how the money he earns is being spent.

FabioTheLiterateCat Mon 14-Jul-08 13:36:05

Is he from the eighteenth century?
Does he have any good points?
Have you kicked his arse yet?

GivePeasAChance Mon 14-Jul-08 13:39:08

To be fair, you probably shouldn't have got a takeaway at all, and you should have been in the kitchen all afternoon carefully preparing a very LARGE portion of cow wink

Looksaroundinconfusion Mon 14-Jul-08 13:39:21

Oh and he also had a problem with the fact that I had some of his naan and dipped into some of his Mango chutney and that is not a joke - I really wish it was.

nkf Mon 14-Jul-08 13:40:19

Who is this man? And what ark did he come out of? There are long entrenched attitudes to deal with there but there's no time like the present for starting.

Weird the way you used a capital letter for men but not for women. He's getting to you. He really is.

Hecate Mon 14-Jul-08 13:40:49

List everything you do around the house and how much it would cost to hire someone to do the same thing.

And your last post -breadwinner -meat - cooked meal - wife in her place....

Bollocks to that.

He doesn't want a life partner - he wants a maid and a prostitute. hmm

nkf Mon 14-Jul-08 13:43:12

Seriously though. This is a very worrying sort of man to live with if you don't have your own income. He's mean and you and your children are dependent on him.

beanieb Mon 14-Jul-08 13:43:32

Did you have any kind of firm agreement about what you would so once your children have grown up a bit or were you going to wing it? Seems like he now wants to have this conversation. Could you or would you go back to work? Are your children of school age now?

If not then I think you should sit down with him with a detailed financial plan showing how much the child care would cost if you were to return to work.

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