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(8 Posts)
HowDoIKnow Mon 14-Jul-08 02:43:16

I think I know the answer to this but I am hoping that writing will help me decide what to do.

I?ve been seeing a man for 3 months. He is more than 10 yrs older than me, never married, no kids.

We have talked a lot and we seem to both want the same things in life.

He is lovely ? kind, sweet, gentle, says nice things to me all the time, has accepted me for what I am and hasn?t freaked out at things I have told him about myself.

I really like spending time with him. He makes me laugh and I feel safe with him.

BUT

I don?t think I fancy him. He has lovely eyes but I just don?t think he is hot stuff blush

There is no spark.

He is impotent. Or semi-impotent. I am glad that sex isn?t the main thing in our relationship, but it is important to me. We have slept together a few times and it?s been ok. Good, in fact. He says he will see a dr about it and it?s not like we aren?t intimate at all. I?d just like more sometimes. Or the promise of more but given the age difference, I doubt this situation will improve. Maybe I am wrong, I don?t know. He is happy to, um, ?please? me in other ways so I should be grateful.

I am just wondering if I am in this because, for the first time ever, someone is being nice to me. I think I may like him just because he likes me. But what how do I know? And what do I do?

I don?t want to break up with him just because I am not sure. But I don?t want to string him along, either.

I know it's late and I don't really expect any replies. I just needed to get this out.

HowDoIKnow Mon 14-Jul-08 02:43:53

No idea where all the ?s came from hmm

HumphreyCushioni Mon 14-Jul-08 02:49:00

If you're both enjoying being together for now, that's a good thing, surely?

Maybe just take things slowly, and see what happens.

There are lots of different treatments available for impotency. smile

HowDoIKnow Mon 14-Jul-08 03:05:19

Thanks Humphrey.

I suppose I've been wondering if you can grow to fancy someone.

It is still early days, so I suppose we should just carry on as we have been. I think I feel a bit pressured to feel something more for him because he constantly says nice things about me. It feels a bit one-sided and that makes me feel like I am being unfair.

You're right though. thank you.

nik76 Mon 14-Jul-08 06:22:09

If you're not used to being treated like this it will seem strange, plus if your used to hot and steamy it will seem strange.

You've got a lovely bloke who cares about you and your feelings is it this that feels strange?

Can you imainge life with him in a few years time?

Is he coming on a bit strong seeing as it is early days?

You can answer all these and more questions OR just enjoy his company and see where it goes - be happy!

warthog Mon 14-Jul-08 10:08:39

depends on what you want long term. do you want kids eventually? to settle down? if so, could you see yourself with this man, and 10 years down the line starting one of the threads saying you miss sex?

thing is about enjoying it for now, it's easy to carry on for another year or two, but the longer you leave addressing the issue, the harder it becomes.

bubblagirl Mon 14-Jul-08 10:26:50

i think its too early days to even be worrying there must have been an attraction to begin with

you can grow to fall in love ald lots of qualitites turn out to be attractive that wasnt there before 3 months isn't very long to be worrying about this ask again in another 3 mths if you still have no spark

enjoy spending time you to me sound like you may be a barriers up kind of person wanting to be close but not accepting someone can like you which would leave you without that said spark anyway if you like him as a person and trust him enough then there must be something that makes you want to open up to him

enjoy and stop analyzing for your future it all works itself out in the end no amount of planning will get you there so go with the flow and take each day as it comes

HowdoIKnow Tue 15-Jul-08 18:04:19

Ok yes, you are all right. Too early to be worrying.

We certainly have lots in common and both want marriage, children etc and I can imagine this being a long term thing. So, I’ll just carry on as we have been, I suppose and see how much the sex thing is an issue.

Thanks for listening

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