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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

HELP husband decided no longer loves me!

118 replies

Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 11:29

Seriously in need of some support and advice, dh has decided after 12 years of marriage and 2 children (aged 1 and 3) that he no longer loves me,but won't move out! am devastated, never knew it was possible to love and hate someone so much, any advice on things I should be doing to protect my rights would be appreciated.(sad)

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vict17 · 04/02/2005 11:31

So sorry to hear this. If he won't move out is he suggesting you move out?

boudicca · 04/02/2005 11:32

so sorry
no advice I'm afraidb but this'll bump it up again

irishbird · 04/02/2005 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vict17 · 04/02/2005 11:36

Would suggesting marriage guidance counselling help at all?

Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 13:09

Have suggested him moving out but he wants to wait until we go to mediation next week (as if they are going to come up with some miracle!!) He wants to keep the house and live in it and get someone to help out by renting a room or 2 (currently best candidate is a weoman he met at the bus stop and her 13 year old daughter, says he loves her but she doesn;t know....mmmmm not sure what to think about that-how can you love someone you spend 15 minutes in the morning with for 7 months????? he has suggested I move out or apply for a council house.Marriage guidence not an option, he has made his decision, sadly he never let on there was a problem, I thought we were happy

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noddyholder · 04/02/2005 13:11

I don't know the legal ins and outs but I would think legally you would be entitled to stay with your children much easier for hom to move out As for being in love with someone at the busstop sounds like he is having a bit of a crisis!Is this all sudden?

colditzmum · 04/02/2005 13:13

Tell him to get out! He is not allowed to make you leave. Stay put and when (if!) he takes it to court, he'll be told the same there.

Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 13:13

Tell me about it, he doesn't wants to keep the kids just wants to "do what's best for us both" BOLLOCKS, (sorry)

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AEROBICS · 04/02/2005 13:14

I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. SORRY TO HEAR YOUR DH HAS PUT YOU IN SUCH AN AWFUL POSITION. WENT THROUGH DIVORCE MYSELF TEN YEARS BACK WITH TWO KIDS, THEN INTO AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. NOW HAVE A FOUR OLD WITH DIFFICULT MOODY MISERABLE PARTNER. HAVE YOU TRIED RELATE? SUGGEST YOU DONT MOVE OUT, STAY HOLD OF PROPERTY. HE SHOULD MOVE OUT IF ANYONE. KEEP HOLD OF ALL YOUR HOUSEHOLD STUFF YOU NEED FOR YOU AND KIDS. IS HE HAVING AN AFFAIR? TRY NOT TO GET TO REVENGEFUL TOWARDS HIM, KNOW IT IS DIFFICULT!
THEN HE CAN REALISE IT IS HIM THAT HAS THE PROBLEM AND IT IS NOT YOUR BEHAVIOUR. GOOD LUCK AND HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU.

Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 13:15

It's getting harder to be civil now, I've never known him to be so hard and mean, even in front of the kids now. He wants to avoid the courts and do this mediation thing, so we'll have to see

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noddyholder · 04/02/2005 13:17

who owns the house?

Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 13:17

The frustrating thing is, he's dropped this bombshell on me 4 weeks ago and has done nothing about getting advice or anything so far I have been to a solicitor and set up the mediation, I'm finding it hard to stop being his wife though!

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Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 13:18

The house and mortgage is in both our names

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noddyholder · 04/02/2005 13:20

then he can't make you go.Why has he involved this woman?Do you know her?

leglebegle · 04/02/2005 13:21

He's in love with a woman he met at a bus stop? FFS, I think that's bollocks. My 'fishy' radar would be going off by this stage I think. It sounds very dodgy to me. Sounds like he's been confiding in her and she's been giving him a shoulder to cry on. In my experience men love this, and it makes them feel very sorry for themselves. Sit him down and tell him its completely unworkable for you to both stay together. You deserve more than a loveless marriage, you deserve to be loved. You are not wasting the best years of your life on a man who doesn't love you. Tell him you want it to be amicable but if he doesn't want the kids, he'll have to go. My guess is he'll come to his senses or get scared. Don't let him have his cake and eat it, but be dignifed and nice, but strong and firm. And don't let the bus stop woman move in for god's sake!

WideWebWitch · 04/02/2005 13:22

Well then, he can't just tell you and your children to move out. Don't move out. Make him leave if he wants to spend time with some floozy he met at a bus stop. Does he really imagine it will be that simple, you move out, she moves in, everyone's happy? Cloud cuckoo land. See a solicitor and make sure your dh knows you have rights.

AEROBICS · 04/02/2005 13:22

DONT LET HIM MAKE YOU MOVE OUT, WHY SHOULD YOU, HOW DARE HE. YOU HAVE THE KIDS AND THEY NEED A ROOF OVER THEIR HEADS. HE SHOULD MOVE OUT, THE LAZY ... SOUNDS LIKE HE MAY ALREADY BE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THE BUS STOP LADY IF HE WANTS TO SPLIT UP.KEEP YOUR COUNCIL WHICH IS HARD WHEN YOU ARE FEELING SO VULNERABLE AND UPSET. BE EMPOWERED BY KEEPING HOLD OF THE HOUSE AND BE ASSERTIVE TOWARDS HIM. HE MUSTNT BE ALLOWED TO WALK ALL OVER YOU. STAY STRONG !

pipkin · 04/02/2005 13:23

Sounds like he may be having some sort of crisis (- imagining this woman at the bus stop has feelings for him...? Clearly, it's very unpleasant for you, and I would try and get some legal advice re. the house. A friend of mine recently had a very disturbing series of events occur - a guy she knew basically 'stalked' her for months convinced he'de be spending the rest of his life with her - whilst she'de given him no encouragement whatsoever, he'de become fixated with her due, in part, to his unhappy marriage. Maybe there's an element of this with your DH...?

Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 13:24

He invited her round ours on new years eve which was the first time I met her, she is 50 (he is 34) she seems nice enough though seeing the way he acted with her made me suspect something, though I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same way, she is in the process of selling her house and leaving her husband so he thought they might be able to "help each other out"

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Lucycat · 04/02/2005 13:24

I have a friend in exactly the same position as you sharon and I really feel for you. Could he go and stay with a workmate / friend / family member or will he really not move out? He must think very little of his children if he wants you to take them away from their family home as well as losing their daddy!! Does he think the mediation is going to change anything or is he just saying this so that he can later appear to be a reasonable person in front of a judge. Now I'm really MAD on your behalf. Stay in touch honey.

WideWebWitch · 04/02/2005 13:25

Well then Sharon, you need to put him straight on that! Help her out indeed! What about helping his family out?

Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 13:29

Sadly (for him) he doesn't have any friend he could stay with he drives 80 miles a day to work and his family live 40 miles in the other direction so that's unworkable to. He says he loves the kids, but says we should never have had the, he says he'll be able to spend more time with them when we part, which we will have to see as I'm moving back to be with my family 80 miles away, I only moved originally because of him- so time to get back to my roots,though I will miss all the friends I made, Bloody bastard maded me give up all my ties once now it's happening again

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WideWebWitch · 04/02/2005 13:30

Hey don't move out! Wait, make him go, get legal advice!

Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 13:30

I just feel like screaming and never stopping(angry)

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noddyholder · 04/02/2005 13:30

he will need to buy you out if you plan to leave

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