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Big dilemma - what would you do in my shoes ?

(10 Posts)
Lulula Sat 12-Jul-08 21:19:28

I saw my friend's husband the other night in a bar with another woman. He had his hand on her leg and they were leaning in very close to each other talking. When they got up to go they kissed on the lips, not for long but it was very obvious they were more than friends by the way they were with each other. He didn't see me and I did not have the nerve to go up to him. Him and my friend have afunny situation becasue for her job she lives in the week outside of London and he is in London and they only spend the weekends together. I wouldn't say she is one of my closest friends because I don't see her that much and we have quite different lives these days, but I have known her for a long time and went to their wedding a couple of years ago. I saw her about three months ago and she said everything was fine with them and they have been talking about having kids. I don't know whether I should tell her or not what I saw and it is really playing on my mind. I honestly think if I was in her situation I would want one of my friends to tell me because they should have my best interests at heart and I would be upset if I found out one of them knew my husband was cheating and didn't tell me. I don't know how she will react though and I don't want her to hate me if I tell her. I also thought about telling her husband what I saw, but I don't know him that well and don't have his number but I do know where he works. The other thing I thought was sending her an anonymus letter or text saying that I saw him then she could decide on her own what to do about it and wouldn't feel embarassed. In a selfish way that would also make it easier on me to not have to have that conversation. All advice welcome.

beanieb Sat 12-Jul-08 21:24:39

I think if you are really really good friends then you should, but be prepared to be shot as the messenger. Is this worth doing?

Can you talk to him? You'd have to be brave but you could tell him what you have seen.

nowwearefour Sat 12-Jul-08 21:26:03

i think you need to speak to HIM not her in the first instance. you just never know what the situation is- could it be his sister?

Lulula Sat 12-Jul-08 21:30:33

He doesn't have a sister and if he did then that is definitely not how you are with your sister unless something is wrong ! I wouldn't say we are really really close these days we did used to be but I had kids, she had a career, she moved away etc. I just don't feel right ignoring it, but maybe I should.

beanieb Sat 12-Jul-08 21:32:12

maybe deal with it how you feel is appropriate when you next see her?

BettySpaghetti Sat 12-Jul-08 21:40:11

I think it would very much depend on my friendship with the friend.

One thing I've seen suggested in similar circumstances is to speak to him and give him an ultimatum ie. he must tell her within x days or you will tell her. That way you can hopefully avoid being shot as the messenger

whatdayisit Sat 12-Jul-08 21:43:17

Oh dear, it could have been me.

I work in an all male environment and we're very sociable together. After a few drinks, it can get a bit touchy and flirty, but I promise you nothing I couldn't tell my DH about has ever happened between me and a colleague, although I was aware last week, that to an outsider, it might look like I was on a date with one of them.

If they kissed as they were leaving doesn't that suggest they were leaving separately? although I accept that kissing on the lips is a bit hmm I'd stay out of it.

wannaBe Sat 12-Jul-08 21:48:27

I would stay out of it.

If they kissed as they were leaving then presumably they were not leaving together.

Things aren't always as they seem and unless you know for certain that this man is cheating i would be very careful about getting involved in case it's something innocent and you mess up lives.

Lulula Sat 12-Jul-08 21:56:00

It is hard to describe, but basicially they were talking with their faces really close, they stood up and kissed and then walked out together with him following her. You are right though it doesn't mean they are sleeping together, but you know when you know something isn't right ? Guess I should leave it though.

whatdayisit Sat 12-Jul-08 22:12:01

Yep, that was us, once we got outside we went our separate ways.

They could have had a really tough day and were supporting each other.

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