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I'm so ofended I need a rant!!!

(35 Posts)
Chandra Tue 01-Feb-05 10:34:05

I'm furious, I have a friend who lives accross the street, he is not a bad person but to be honest she is sxo shallow that at her 42 years has the brains (and conversation) of a 12 yrs old (probably influenced by her daughters). She is normally making negative remarks about other people being soooo "middle class", however she sefinitively comes from a deprived background in latinamerica and eventhough she was married to a doctor you can't see money or style in any part of her house, apearance and to be frank even her girls are always dressed in rags and she even takes her girls to the local swiming pool every second day so they can have a shower as she doesn't wants to use the one at home to save a bit on the gas bill (?????). Anyways, the problem is that she is always making those "middle class" remarks which she complements with "those people learn even less than a professor" (my DH is a lecturer). Her house is the same size of ours, it has higher ceilings but in in serious need of a serious refurbishement (bad painted throughout, broken doors and severely damaged ceilings), however she is always making stupid comments about us needing to get a bigger house as soon as DH gets a rise (we have a house that I love, which was decorated by the most expensive designer in the area -paid by the previous owners, of course).

But I was so offended today because, she was so damn direct with the comment about professors earning a misery. She may be the ex of a doctor but if there's some one who lives misserably in the street is her (Oh dear! how middle class am I???)

She is on benefits but she is receiving 2400 pounds per months from the ex who also pays the house and all her bills, so what does she do with the money I don't know. However I have seen her cash the money she receive on benefits and then head to HomeBase to spend the full of it in garden decorations for a party she was going to have. Sure this doesn't come to the equation but.... well, sorry, I just needed to take it out of my chest.

I have explained to her that I feel a bit offended about her comments about how little professors earn. But the stupid woman told me... oh yes I know, but academics here earn more more than in Latin America (Thank you! I was an academic in Latin America, however I had a very good salary which allowed me to travel the world and have a very relaxed life). So well, I suppose I just need to erase her from the list of people I like to meet and reduce contact to the minumum. Stupid woman!!

colditzmum Tue 01-Feb-05 10:36:09

Ignorance is irritating when it is persistant!

Twiglett Tue 01-Feb-05 10:39:41

She sounds like she is totally unworthy of your friendship

and she also sounds incredibly odd .. showers at the leisure centre?

I'd avoid contact too I think

DaddyCool Tue 01-Feb-05 10:41:02

grass her up on the 2400 a month, still receiving benefits thing. that'll learn her.

marialuisa Tue 01-Feb-05 10:42:23

Sorry Chandra, as the wife of an academic I think she's spot on about the salaries! DH would earn more as a secondary teacher (and do fewer hours) and he's just been promoted to Reader!

She is tactless though

sozie Tue 01-Feb-05 10:42:45

Just give her a wide berth in future or make your excuses why you can't stand and chat. Life's too short to waste on people who are boring and that includes my mil

Chandra Tue 01-Feb-05 10:48:17

Well Maria Luisa, you are right but still, DH earns far more than the average salary for his age and does a lot of consultancy work and that you know is paid at market rate. In a way, what offends me is not the truth is that she is so shamelessly making these comments. DH doesn't work at the hospital but we would never be so conscious about my gas bill as to stop using the shower at home!

Caligula Tue 01-Feb-05 10:52:55

Just say to her next time "I'm sorry, but in common with most middle class people, I consider it very vulgar to talk about money, dear. Let's talk about something else."

whymummy Tue 01-Feb-05 10:56:01

hi chandra hope you're well
your friend sounds like a right pain,ignore her!

Chandra Tue 01-Feb-05 11:02:26

Caligula... you are right. I would do that with somebody with normal brain waves but I tried to change the subject this morning when she mentioned about some traveling and then she went on to tell me her country was in a better economical position than mine (why did she said that I don't have a clue! is not even consistent with the current economic conditions of our respective countries, so besides being tactless she is terribly ignorant).

??? and I thought the rant was over

However, can anybody tell me why I feel bad about telling her her comments were offensive? could it be because she didn't realise how offensive they were? or is it that I just enjoy my doormat nature???

DaddyCool Tue 01-Feb-05 11:03:37

yes, ignore her. 'class' doesn't exist anyway. It's completely outdated and does not apply to anything anymore. I also agree with Caligula, constantly talking about money and salaries is always bound to offend people and most (me included) find it very boring so just turn a blind eye and change the subject.

Chandra Tue 01-Feb-05 11:03:55

Whymummy! nice to see you back , there was a thread the other day about missing mumsnetters and we were wondering where were you. How are you?

lou33 Tue 01-Feb-05 11:05:06

just avoid her

life is too short

fairyfly Tue 01-Feb-05 11:05:08

I think you should both get off each others backs and stay out of each others way. On one hand you are saying she is putting people down and on the other hand you are judging her lifestyle, home and children. You obviously rile each other and its just a negative pattern. I would let it go and concentrate on people you like, a far happier pass time.

Chandra Tue 01-Feb-05 11:17:18

Well fairyfly... I would deserve your comments if I were doing what she does, I never would tell her anything about her house, nor her children, or her benefits, I just find it unfair that she is criticising me when she has not stoped to see that she is not really in a better postion. But point taken.

whymummy Tue 01-Feb-05 11:24:49

hi chandra
i didn't see that thread but thank you for asking
i'm off to the airport to get my mum but we'll talk later

Bozza Tue 01-Feb-05 11:29:38

Chandra - she is obviously very insecure and has to make herself feel better by being disparaging about others. Even sounds to me as though she is in self-denial. Would just rise above it and try to reduce contact.

Surfermum Tue 01-Feb-05 11:31:06

I would just avoid her and not give her the opportunity to make these comments, Chandra.

£2400 per month, no mortgage, no bills and benefits. How can that be right? .

fairyfly Tue 01-Feb-05 11:35:08

They're will always be people who make you feel small. I get looked down upon, its pretty obvious i will do. Single mother, benefits, been assaulted, its all commmon knowledge. I just raise my head high as my status may be low but i can honestly and confidently say i am a lot brighter than some of these people. It doesn't matter what we have, what we do, personality and kindness is what counts and you have that chandra. So basically ignore her, i hope i didn't offend.

jane313 Tue 01-Feb-05 11:37:08

I'm interested in why it upsets you so much that she thinks your husband doesn't earn much money? Is it just cos shes wrong or you feel there a stigma to earning low wages? My partner is a teacher and doesn't earn a fortune and I like to annoy all the very rich mothers around here talking about child tax credit and buying clothes from charity shops!

Chandra Tue 01-Feb-05 11:46:33

Fairyfly, I look up upon you (is that the correct way to say it?), I have passed through some things you have passed and TBH I wish I could have overcame them as well as you're doing. Interestingly enough, many years later I'm proud of what those experiences have done for me. Of course I wish those things had never happened but, I'm proud of myself for the mere act of surviving them.

Chandra Tue 01-Feb-05 11:50:44

No Jane, it's just because she uses it to offend me. And it also her comments annoy me because I found a bit ungrateful that she has borrowed money from us in many ocassions, she has not paid half of it and still comes with those comments.

fairyfly Tue 01-Feb-05 11:50:51

Chandra i'm sure you got through them aswell as i have. Easier to see in someone else. Im glad things have changed for you and im also glad your proud, its a fantastic thing to be.

whymummy Tue 01-Feb-05 11:56:09

hi chandra,i'm still here dh running late
i suppose it'll be hard to avoid her if she lives so near but you can either tell her or just laugh it off,i had a friend that was a complete snob and thought she was so much better off than me,i never told her dh earned 4 times more than her dh i just let her get on with it i found it quite funny until one day she stopped ringing me,i think she realised i didn't give a shit,lol,good riddance

sparklymieow Tue 01-Feb-05 12:03:24

is she scamming the Benifits people? Or is her CTC? At the end of the day if she is scamming them she is no better than the rest of the benifit cheats, and she should shut her mouth about money. I can't see how she could be entitled to benifits if she is getting £2400 from her ex?

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