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don't understand my mother or am i being pathetic?

(4 Posts)
pleaserewind Sun 30-Jan-05 20:35:44

my mum has always seemed to have a closer relationship with my brother and sees more of him although he drives so visits more. I know she has quite a few problems but as we on;y live about 25 minutes walk away from each other i wouldn't have thought it was such a big deal to see each other often. I have been equally guilty of being so busy (with ds's) that a few weeks has gone by without seeing her but it does always seem to be be who texts to see if she is o.k. I have often hinted that if she is going shoppping i would like to go with her but she never invites me
at New Year 9she was drunk tho) she said she wanted to amke this the year that we get closer and see each other loads. the last 2 weekends i have been to her house but in between, nothing. this weekend i really hoped she might get it touch but..you guessed it ..nothing

Bexter Sun 30-Jan-05 20:52:04

You're not having a good time at the mo are you Hunny ! Don't know what to suggest about your Ma as I have a TOTALLY different relationship with mine, i.e., It's a bonus for me the longer we go without seeing each other. Very sad but we just wind each other up the wrong way and end up falling out, which is NEVER pretty! Maybe you could invite her over for Lunch (or something she can't cancel) and make a little occasion of it, Tea and Cakes etc. When she asks why you've gone to so much trouble you will have the opportunity to talk about how you feel. Hope things pick up for you soon

doggiewalker Sun 30-Jan-05 20:57:03

Sorry can't help but just remember you can choose your friends but you can't choose your relations! and there's nowt as funny as folk.

ionesmum Sun 30-Jan-05 21:09:57

Oh, pleaserewind, I really feel for you. You certainly aren't being pathetic, it sounds like you've felt this way for a while. I think when we have our own children it makes us even more of any hurt we feel in our relationship with our parents. I'm lucky to have a good relationship with my mum but even so there are a couple of things that still hurt. There's no point in digging them up (actually I think my mum would be mortified to know how upset I am!) so I deal with it by making sure I never repeat her mistakes with my dds. (Of course, I'm making plenty of others...!)

Maybe intead of hinting you could ask you rmum outright to go shopping. Try talking to her when she isn't drunk about how you feel. If you still get no response, then try to move on. It's her loss if she doesn't take the opportunity of getting close to you.

Also, remember you aren't dependent on her any more for approval. A friend of mine's dad is very controlling, and even though she is her thirties, she still used to feel that sh ehad to meet his approval all the time. Then someone pointed out to her that she is a mother herself, with kids who adore her (and a dh who does too) so it doesn't matter a s**t whatever her father thinks. She's now a lot happier, and actually gets on better with her dad.

HTH

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