Glam & Fab Part 6 - The Summer of Discontent

[Tanee58]

Hope you all find your way onto this new one !

[Tanee58]

TFM. I am so with you there. If DP makes me sell, he will have to literally hold my hand to make me sign any papers. It'll be like Cromwell making people sign Charles 1's death warrant!

[Tanee58]

So I have taken another sickie. I feel bad as my line manager has been really sweet and solicitous and agreed I shouldn't try to come in until Friday - I want to tell her it's not physical illness but personal, but in fact, I do feel physically pretty sick at the moment. The Anadins haven't kicked in yet. I really need to go back to bed. At least there's a lump in it that looks like DP, rather than a lump on the sofa as there was yesterday morning when he crashed out after saying he'd be following me to bed shortly.

[Tanee58]

TFM - we wouldn't be able to do anything about selling anyway, until his tour finishes - mainly because it'll have to be HIM doing everything, - and as I pointed out to him last night, the costs will outweigh the benefits. He sees it as us being able to pay back my parents, who lent us money to cover the stamp duty, and release him from the pressure of coming up with £400 a month for his share of the mortgage & bills. I said, what about the solicitor, estate agent, stamp duty on whatever I buy, removals etc etc? I DON'T intend to take all that on willingly, and my parents would rather never see their money again, than see me and DD unhappy (though my mother will say, 'told you so').

I'm pinning a lot of hopes on Relate!

[lilyloo]

Tannee i wouldn't worry abut it they sound pretty unerstanding and either way you aen't well.
I hope your relate apt helps to address some of the issues bu with TFM don't sell the house!

Baffy hope your ok this morning , sounds like he is asking for your help to sort out the problem, no surprise there!

TFM if you think she is readong i would delete it anyway. You can all start a new one where you left off can't you ? (no ideas how fb works and can't get on as dp uses our mail address to get on?)

Hope everyone else ok

[TimeForMe]

All about him! I hate to be the voice of doom here Tanee but be very careful. Look what happened to Baffy (sorry for talking about you Baffy) Her H talked her into selling the house, convincing her it was for the best, for their future and look what happened, he walked away! Make sure that Dp is being straight with you, that he doesn't have ulterior motives.

This had made me really mad on your behalf Tanee. Does he not think that you would like to be rid of the pressure of him drinking and wallowing in his own self pity? He doesn't suggest doing something about that does he, NO! He passes the buck to Tanee and expects her make the sacrifices in an effort to make him happy. Do not do it Tanee!!

GOD! BLOODY MEN!!

PS don't feel guilty about taking a sickie. You need some time to get all this sorted if only in your own mind. In fact, take another day tomorrow Crikey, what a week this has been! xx

[WilyWombat]

Yeah found you

I was on FB yesterday and your group did show on Baffy's mini feed but I couldnt open it...so 1) can I join your group and 2) you are safe no one else could read it

How are you doing Baffster? Your poor little boy thinking he had done something to upset you

I would be careful about admitting too many people to your group if you dont know who they are (yeah I watch too much TV too!!) I now have a picture on my FB so you can see im not a hairy trucker or SG I tend to be the photographer so I had HUNDREDS of photos of the rest of the family but hardly ANY of me - actually I was looking fairly drunk and bedraggled pretty much all of my photos!!

[TimeForMe]

THANK GOD!!! I am sat here with the door locked in case the men in white coats come for me! I thought you would think I was going mental!!

[WilyWombat]

TFM isnt that pretty much what happened to Lillybubble too, moved/new start/new house then her DH left (sorry Tanee not saying that is the situation here but just cover your back!)

[TimeForMe]

Where are you WW? I wouldn't mind a squidge of your photo, check you out for stubble and all that. Then of course you will av to pass the initiation test!

[TimeForMe]

Yes Tanee! It's seemingly common amongst devious men so do cover your back!

[WilyWombat]

TFM are you on the Baffsters friend list? If so I am a small boat on the sea!!

[TimeForMe]

Yes WW, I'm the gorgeous one I will have a look on Baffys FB and see if I can find you from your description.

[TimeForMe]

Is that you WW? That little dot in the middle of the sea? I daren't add you as a firend in case it's not you and someone thinks I'm some mad stalker!

[WilyWombat]

Yeah thats me...and I wasnt going to tell you my name in case you were some mad stalker (or SG) Yeah I have a bit of a CSI habit too!

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[ginnedup]

I think FB is secure - as long as the privacy settings are set right, which they should be in our group.
If anyone can do it could you delete my thread on there about the row I had with dp about my dad and my childhood and everything? That's the only one that would really concern me if it got out into the public (especially on FB as lots of my cousins are on my friends list )
WW - I love a puzzle, I'm going to try and find you!!
Where is Lilybubble? I haven't 'seen' her on here in ages. Hope she's OK.

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[TimeForMe]

Yes GU, they are set right, I managed to find them. Plus WW saw it on Baffys mini feed but couldn't access it so we should be safe. I just panicked

Thats good news Dior. Maybe he has noticed a change in you already. If you are feeling happier with yourself he is bound to notice. As for him being simple, all men are simple. Thats where we go wrong in the first place, crediting them with too much intelligence!

[ginnedup]

Hear Hear TFM.
Don't question it Dior - just enjoy it!!!

[Baffy]

Look at you lot talking without me!!!

Am laughing my head off at all the cloak and dagger stuff though - you all need to turn CSI off and go outside for some fresh air!

WW that's good news you couldn't access it. IYKWIM!

WW and I have been e-mailing for a long time, so I can vouch that she's not a hairy trucker!
But as you can probably see WW, after a few odd things over the last couple of years we're all so bloody suspicious of anyone new.

What I may do is delete all the old stuff off the FB group (unless there's any threads people particularly want to keep) and then we could start a fresh. There's so much on there. But I would speak to you all individually before doing that. We should also get PC's opinion I think as she's the one who set it all up.

Does look like it's a FB blip though and nothing to be too concerned about.

Am off to try and get some fresh air. My head is totally spinning. Sugar, you're e-mails are great. I'm also at a total loss because I've fought and fought for this, and I don't want to give in, but he needs to sort this for himself and I can't fix it this time. If she's in our lives with his child then she has won. Because she has him wrapped around her finger and me and ds will forever be competing against her and the child for H's attention. What sort of a life would that be. I'd rather be alone.

Tanee - good luck at relate. Am only skim reading. But definitely don't sell your home. Try every other option first xx

[Baffy]

p.s. that's GREAT Dior. Definitley just enjoy. It seems to be working out just as you wanted xx

[Tanee58]

Afternoon all, a big bowl of Readybrek and a couple of chapters of Russell Brand's Booky Wook seem to have helped the headache.

Thank you SO MUCH everyone for your support - especially you, Baffy, as you're going through a much, much more critical experience. I had tears in my eyes reading about your lovely little boy thinking he'd done something wrong. I feel so, so angry that in all the situations we're going through, our darling children are having to cope with stuff that has no business being in their young lives. I myself worry about how disillusioned DD is with men and she's only 16. Mind you, it's good that she says she wouldn't jump into a relationship with just anyone.

DP's just gone off for a fantastic Lidl Experience in sunny Edmonton. He seems fine about the Relate aapt & promised to be home by 6 (I insist on continuing to refer to our house as 'home' when speaking to him). Our old lodger is coming to London tonight & will spend the night here - which may or may not be a good thing. Though as the football will be on as soon as we get home, we're unlikely to be having any discussion of our appt immediately . I cleared it with work to not go in till Friday, so if we have another 4am session, that will be ok. I still feel bad about 'bunking off', and DP for some stupid reason makes semi-humorous digs about me skiving off (I assume he thinks he's being funny) when I'm not technically ill . I told him that the world could turn without me very well for a few days.

I don't plan to sell - I gave taken the lesson from Baffy well to heart. I honestly don't think there is an OW in the equation, but I do think he's finding this responsibility too much - it's the pattern of his life. 20 years ago, if I refused to sell, he'd probably have gone off and found another woman - he's a bit older now and OW are thinner on the ground - though I expect his old Spanish girlfriend would have him back like a shot - or Norfolk Lady (though he said last night she means nothing to him).

One of the things he resents, he said, was that he doesn't feel he can just go off and visit his friends abroad. I told him roundly that I would never stop him - travel is cheap, and I have NEVER told him not to go. I reminded him that when the mother of his Spanish friend was dying a couple of years ago, I suggested he should visit her, as she'd known him for years and had been very fond of him. It was her daughter, who'd resented him getting back together with me, who told him not to go. Not me. I'm not letting him lay that at my door, or anything about me trying to curb his freedom.

It's realising that there's stuff like that going on in his head, that isn't an accurate picture but has been festering for a couple of years, that makes me so happy that he's agreed to try to talk it through with a 3rd party. I think we need an arbitrator!

[Tanee58]

By the way, I am GUTTED to hear that WW is not a hairy trucker. I was really hoping, after the acute disappointment of meeting you all in March, that we'd finally get at least one REAL HT on this thread !

[Tanee58]

Dior, SOOO pleased about your H - amazing what a little ironing can do !

[Baffy]

Tanee - with that attitude I'm sure relate will do you the world of good. You're actually communicating about all these things that have built up before it is too late. The way we'd have all liked to do things if we had our time again!
I have everything crossed for you.

I just saw H for lunch as I dropped ds off to see him and FIL for a couple of hours.

I was pretty harsh with him. I said he was free to base his future around whoever he wanted but I am not prepared to base my future around his mistakes. So he's on his own.
He just looked all sad and forlorn. Still wanting me to find the answers for him.
No chance!

Poor FIL is absolutely devastated though. I know he's always wanted us to sort things out. He just looks exhausted with the whole lot. He can't even speak to me. He just shakes his head and hugs me

I'm feeling (slightly) stronger though. I do believe that child will mean his life revolves around what OW wants. She's too strong a character and she will get her own way via blackmail or sheer irrational madness if she has to.
I'm not living with that. I'm 100% sure it's not where I see my future. All the love in the world for H will not make me live in a triangular relationship between me, him and that psycho.
And knowing that I never ever want to see my son go through something like that again gives me the strength to stick to this.
So at least that's one thing decided!

Over to him now to see what he does. I'm not holding my breath though! (I'd be dead if I did!!)