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DH said I had no passion

(45 Posts)
desperatehousewife Tue 25-Jan-05 11:42:04

Last night we were chatting and he asked me when was the last time I had any real passion - I had to ask him what he meant - he went on to say, when was I so revved up about something that I couldn't wait to get out of bed and get started on it.

I couldn't answer him - I can't remember. I felt so sad - because for me whats the point if there's no passion in your life.

I said that since having son 2.5yrs ago, i guess there's not much time for me or finding out what my passion is.

Just wanted to know from other mums, do you have a passion - have you always had it or did you have to seek it out?

I really need to get back out to work and have external influences in my life again - but really want to do a worthwhile job and haven't figured out what it is yet...desperate to find out what my passion is.

suzywong Tue 25-Jan-05 11:44:30

Little kids, love them as we do, sap your passion for the things that got you going in your youth

Your ds is your passion, tell dh to put that in pipe and smoke it

desperatehousewife Tue 25-Jan-05 11:45:14

I am passionate about my ds - but i certainly don't leap out of bed gagging to get the day going with him!

Mum2girls Tue 25-Jan-05 11:45:36

My passion is to jump into bed and get some sleep.

Mothernature Tue 25-Jan-05 11:46:27

My family and then my work are my passion

suzywong Tue 25-Jan-05 11:47:01

look, who with little kids leaps out of bed to do anything?
We are all trying to claw back every last ounce of rest possible before the day begins

Don't be so hard on yourself

desperatehousewife Tue 25-Jan-05 11:48:46

yeah i guess so SW, just feel at the moment that the last 3 years have sapped everything of who I used to be. Feel like I have no conversation any more - am just a nag! Think need to do a course or something - need an interest that isn't family.

motherinferior Tue 25-Jan-05 11:50:10

Got it in one, Suzy! NO parent of a small child can't wait to get out of bed, can they? We're all bloody exhausted and want to lie comatose as long as possible!

I do have a job I like. But boy oh boy would I rather have a nap. Several naps, joined together, over the course of a day.

morningpaper Tue 25-Jan-05 11:52:39

I felt this way when I first had dd - and it might sound a bit crap, but getting a daily paper delivered each day makes a massive difference to me. It makes me feel like a 'normal' adult who had conversations and opinions and definitely passion about current affairs. It makes me feel a bit more human. If you can afford it, and that sounds like your sort of thing, I'd recommend it.

PlainFlum Tue 25-Jan-05 11:53:04

skiing
snowboarding

my passion is thinking of new and interesting ways of persuading/tricking/cajoling dp into thinking it is a good idea to move to the mountains of France

I'm not very good at it. The persuading that is. At snow sports I am the queen and the mountain is my throne.

suzywong Tue 25-Jan-05 11:55:33

bloody hell plainflum!
good for you but tone it down a bit, desparatehousewife is feeling a little hollow

NameChangingMancMidlander Tue 25-Jan-05 11:57:39

yikes

Stripymouse Tue 25-Jan-05 11:59:10

so what is your DH’s passion? what makes him want to get out of bed and go for it?
some people need that all burning desire in their life to motivate them and make them feel fulfilled - it might be a fantastic career or a wonderful hobby that makes them feel creative, special, worthwhile etc. For others it can be the little everyday things that make life worthwhile that might not seem earthshattering to others but still as valid and relevant such as watching their child learn, play and grow up - it might not be an obvious "passion" but so what? It still makes the day very worthwhile and special, even if overall the day can be a struggle. When we have children, we make choices to give up some of our own personal time (which is when we normally do stuff like hobbies that really interest us and could be described as a passion) and bring up our children instead.
If you are concerned about being perceived as boring and having an "average" life - then think about how happy you are with it - if you are happy, then stuff them and just do what you do. If you are bored and this has triggered feelings of discontentment then think of something you would like to do once a week, get DH to babysit and get out there and try something new. Doesn’t have to be feeding the starving in third world countries, normal everyday things that fit around a family can be fun too - such as going to the gym, painting class, photgraphy etc. - and who knows it might turn into a passion.

FineFigureFio Tue 25-Jan-05 11:59:36

i think we all feel like this desperatehousewife. DO a course! I have started doing just adult education courses and it has really made me different. i feel more independant and driven, which seems silly but I do. It gives me something that is just for me on my own. Try it

I think i have only just started clawing back a bit of my life and my children are 5 and 3, dont be so hard on yourself like the wise suzy says

miam Tue 25-Jan-05 12:00:01

My passion is painting - but this has only been rekindled after dd4 became 3yo - before that my passion was sleeping! Don't worry about not having the energy or time for a 'passion' just now - once your little one becomes a bit older you will begin to develop a life of your own again. You will be able to develop interests and devote time entirely to yourself again. xx

beansontoast Tue 25-Jan-05 12:00:13

i really like the paper idea...wish i had thought of that when i was a 'bit flat'

once your passion returns you may realise that any lack of passion is more about circumstance than personality,try not to be so hard onyourself.(and i hope you think of something soon)

desperatehousewife Tue 25-Jan-05 12:00:41

wowza - good for you snow queen!

Paper is a good idea - feeling lethargic and sorry for myself and will soon pull myslef up from the abyss and do something to make myself feel better!

how do you find a passion? Funny because I'm such an enthusiastic person - people would probably describe me as passionte about stuff - I guess i've just never had a hobby or 'interest'. Sick of my mum telling me thoughout teenage years too "you're not showing any passion for anything" . humph, feeling very ganged up on!

desperatehousewife Tue 25-Jan-05 12:03:05

ah thanks everyone - i feel so much better after all your thougtful and wise words. yes I am hard on myself - just learning this! God it's a massive learning thing this motherhood thing isn't it? I'm knackered!!

expatinscotland Tue 25-Jan-05 12:07:51

I lump 'passion' right up there with finding 'the one' for silly myths that cause a lot of unnecessary unhappiness. I'm almost 34 now. I wasted years looking for my 'passion' and 'the one', when every second of every minute of those years were precious. My 'passion' is to live a life in which I treasure as many moments as I can, while I can, and don't take anything for granted. And I mean a/thing, like a well-made sandwich, a comfortable pillow, or a few minutes of sunshine in winter.

No one has their 'whole' life ahead of them. What we have is the rest of our lives.

Avalon Tue 25-Jan-05 12:08:43

desperatehousewife - I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal. IMO small children take and take (because they have to) and don't leave parents, mothers in particular, with much time, mental space and energy to get involved in anything.

I almost feel I 'lost' myself during those early years. It does get better.

Can you agree with your dh that you can have every Saturday morning or one day a month as time for you while he looks after ds? Perhaps then you could rekindle old interests or discover something new. HTH

PlainFlum Tue 25-Jan-05 12:31:53

Suzy wong

I should have added. We rarely go.

The rest of my life is a monotonous cycle of:

work
cleaning
washing
ironing
cooking
washing up

and to top all that off I am an accountant which is soul destroying in itself.

But I try to keep jolly by dreaming of snow covered chalets and children with red noses on sleds.

logic Tue 25-Jan-05 12:34:48

Read the news, definately. You don't even need to get a paper, I read BBC news online several times a day, even just for a glance at it. Being able (and usually being far better informed) to discuss world events with dh when he gets home really does make me feel better about myself...

I am also getting through the early years by knowing that ok, I am soon approaching rock bottom in terms of time for myself (we have a 2 yr old and I'm 6 months pg with our 2nd and last child) but when the kids are older, they will not need our attention 24 hours a day and we will get our lives back.

Is there anything that you always wanted to do, no matter how mad and impractical? Despite being tone deaf, I always wanted to play the saxophone. So, thanks to a very supportive dh, I have one and I had lessons and I hope to resume them after the baby is born. I'll always be atrocious at it but who cares? It makes me happy! Your dh is obviously concerned about you. Maybe he could help you have some time to yourself or a hobby?

PlainFlum Tue 25-Jan-05 12:35:41

Oh yeah, and I'm not actually that good at skiing either, just very ermm enthusiastic.

My DP's passion is fly fishing. I can't understand it, but I would if I could.

His passion also means he is home less at weekends leaving more cleaning up and washing for me. Yahooooooo

A job does help even if it is mind numbingly boring like mine. But as you can see I don't really apply myself.

Why not tell DP your passion is being taken to windswept beaches by the man you love so the kids can play while you share a bottle of red wine and sit on a rug. That sounds lovely and snuggly. Wrap up warm though and go on the bus so you can get sozzled.

PlainFlum Tue 25-Jan-05 12:38:01

I also combine reading the news with reading to my 11 month old. I read her The Week most nights before bed in a very sing songy voice. It makes the budget news so much more patable.

Must go to lunch and stop being so horribly cheerful. it is so dreadfully annoying when you are in the doldrums.

You see we are actually going skiing on Saturday for first time in 3 years. I am far far far far too over excited and pleased with myself.

Tinker Tue 25-Jan-05 12:42:20

Agree very much with expatinscotland

How old is you husband desphousewife? That kind of talk sounds like midlife crisis stuff to me, worried about time slipping away. Nothing would make me leap out of bed in the morning ever. Sometmes "passionate" people can be a real pain in the ar*e. You might just be a chilled out person but saying you have no "passion" implies you don't care - not the same thing.

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