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If you wanted to have sex (not with DH/DP) in the next month, could you?

(60 Posts)
SecretLife Fri 21-Jan-05 13:19:12

Strange question, I know, but the "have I fallen for the oldest trick" thread got me thinking...

If you decided that you wanted a 'fling' within the next month, would you be able to do it?

By that I mean:
- is your life so predictable that it would be impossible to 'create' an evening/night out without your DH/DP being suspicious?
- do you have 'cover' i.e. friends your DH doesn't know, that you could pretend to be with?
- do you have friends/ex-lovers etc who would be instantly up for it if you made it clear you were interested?

I don't really mean, could you go out to a club, get completely rat-arsed and go home with the first bloke who'd have you - I mean something much more calculated and planned than that.

And I guess the other question would be
"And have you?"

I don't want to get into a discussion about the morals of such behaviour - it's clearly wrong - it's just I have a suspicion that more women are adulterous than perhaps is realised?

regularuser Fri 21-Jan-05 13:22:30

I am hoping that by the summer i will be seeing someone else secretly.

connyflower Fri 21-Jan-05 13:23:06

i think i could and dp wouldnt even notice!
i could not got home ALL night go home the next day make my excuses ( done this to test him stayed at my mams) and he asked me if i had a nice night cannot make him in any way what so ever jelous or suspisious! so i KNOW i could get away with it!!!!!!

secur Fri 21-Jan-05 13:26:23

Message withdrawn

lulupop Fri 21-Jan-05 13:28:07

don't do it honey, it just isn't worth it. even if he set your sheets on fire, it wouldn't be worth the fallout if/when you get discovered. and you will be.

i'm not judging, I'm talking from experience. I did exactly what you describe 18 months ago. I was v unhappy in my marriage and hadn't had sex for months. Out of the blue I met up with a very good looking old friend. before he left he kissed me, and that was it. Then a lot of texts until I just HAD to see him again.

I told DH I was going to London to see a friend overnight (which I did, and told her what I was going to do the next day as well), then the next morning went to his flat and... well, all I can say was that it was a much-anticipated event, but a total letdown when it happened as we were both too consumed with guilt about the fact I was married.

So it didn't happen again. Then DH found out. I have been very unhappy ever since then but felt so guilty I had to try and work things out with dh. Things are not working out, they're getting worse, and he still keeps going on about my "betrayal".

And I still think about the other guy all the time, although I've had no contact with him since.

What I'm trying to say is, no matter how much you want/need it, it just is not worth it. See my post on the oldest trick thread for why.

morningpaper Fri 21-Jan-05 13:28:22

I'd have to find a man who came with a baby-sitter.

SecretLife Fri 21-Jan-05 13:29:05

But do you have potential lovers 'waiting in the wings' as it were who wouldn't say no if you called them effectively saying 'fancy a shag?'

secur Fri 21-Jan-05 13:30:04

Message withdrawn

galaxy Fri 21-Jan-05 13:30:24

No I couldn't get away with it. I wouldn't do it either.

I suppose if I was away with work, I could if I was inclined to but it would be a fling, not planned.

And if your reading this Mr GALAXY, I WOULDN@T DO IT!!!!!

connyflower Fri 21-Jan-05 13:30:26

i wouldnt do it, but if i wanted a secret shag id know who to call! he he

welshmum Fri 21-Jan-05 13:41:46

They'd have trouble getting past my pregnant stomach by next month. Normally of course I'm devastatingly attractive.....

Beetroot Fri 21-Jan-05 13:50:08

Message withdrawn

connyflower Fri 21-Jan-05 13:52:31

lots of grinning going on in here mind you!!

FineFigureFio Fri 21-Jan-05 13:52:33

I am with galaxy on this one!

weightwatchingwaterwitch Fri 21-Jan-05 13:57:44

I'm sure I could if I really wanted to but I'm equally sure that a) dp would guess because he knows me so well b) that I wouldn't want to do it and c) I wouldn't do it, even if offered to me by a man I found attractive. But I am in a very happy relationship.

sobernow Fri 21-Jan-05 14:14:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Slink Fri 21-Jan-05 14:16:48

I could do and DH would never notice. He may just wonder why i have not nagged him for sex... but he would have thought i'd given up asking.

I am hoping by the summer i think just.... sex

snowbird Fri 21-Jan-05 14:21:33


SeaShells Fri 21-Jan-05 14:22:09

why not, alot of men have these such women who they call upon for these type of things! I couldn't do it now as we don't know anyone where we live as we are new to the area, DP would be very suspicious if I went out without him one night in my best undies!

SecretLife Fri 21-Jan-05 14:26:07

Sobernow -

That's sort of what I mean though - often once you have kids every minute of your life is 'accounted for' and you always have to be available on the mobile/ everyone needs to know where you are...

I got to thinking about this Q because a long time ago (pre-kids!) a very good friend of mine advised me to always 'keep a bit of time & secrecy for yourself' in case you should ever need it - the friends your partner doesn't know, a part of your life that is kept 'separate' from the everyday stuff.....

SecretLife Fri 21-Jan-05 14:28:33

Seashells - do you think the "women who they (men...) call upon for these type of things" are women (like us) who feel equally able to 'twitch upon the thread' when they feel like it??

MINNIE1 Fri 21-Jan-05 14:29:21

I'd get away with it, DP is always busy if i said i was going to a friends house he would say ok and forget completly about it... But i think in a way he trusts me (not going all mushy) and knows i would'nt do it.. Women can lie better then men and were more suspicious if our men were going out all the time....
To me it would be to much hassel having an affair, I would'nt be able for all the s%x i would be knackered!!!!!

SeaShells Fri 21-Jan-05 14:34:46

Yes I do Secretlife! I've done it in the past and with someone who was also attached and we both knew that! But these days, I can't even go to the toilet without 100 questions from my DP, he knows my everymove.... take kids to school, feed the kids, put the kids to bed etc etc. On the other hand I hardly know where he gets to or who he sees, I don't know who he works with etc, getting paranoid now.....

BigFatHeiferEnid Fri 21-Jan-05 14:35:50


weightwatchingwaterwitch Fri 21-Jan-05 14:57:17

ha ha sobernow!

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