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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

dh forgot dd's first birthday

20 replies

HADitUPtoHERE · 20/01/2005 09:14

he nonchalantly announced he's going to visit his sister with his mother for a week in bloody UAE, and it falls on dd's first birthday.

firstly, i resent the fact that he didn't even bother to consult me let alone invite me, altho I loathe the witches of eastwick.

secondly he forgot about dd's FIRST birthday. am I wrong to be upset? How should i handle this? i need some really good advice, otherwise i might end up running away with dd and never coming back. am very tempted.

i blame the MIL. she's always a bad influence on him.

OP posts:

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lunavix · 20/01/2005 09:16

Has he done this sort of thing before? I mean obviously not forgetting her first birthday but consulting you/not inviting you?

HADitUPtoHERE · 20/01/2005 09:26

well, he has in a way, but i was about 8 months pg then, and i couldnt fly out anyway, so i think he assumed then that there was no point in inviting me cos i couldnt go. altho to be honest, i have no intention of going, as i would just be miserable, as they really are witches.they dont quite like me and i can't stand THEM.

but when he went that time (while i was pg) it triggered off a severe bout of PND in me. I was actually suicidal and needed professional help.altho, he didnt know, and i dont think i ever bothered to tell him. he doesnt think its serious and he never does think anything is.

i think he never invites me, cos his bloody mother or sister foots the bill as they always do, and he cant afford to bring me, and the witches have no intention of paying for my ticket/accommodation.

i obviously need some sort of counselling here.

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lunavix · 20/01/2005 09:39

I think they need to respect you more!!!

Your the mother of his children ffs don't they have any interest in the kids either?

lunavix · 20/01/2005 09:39

oooh just one isn't it, dd?

HADitUPtoHERE · 20/01/2005 09:51

thats the stupid thing, the mil claims she loves dd, it's to the extent that when she deigns to be in town (she's perpetually at her daughter's, she's only here two or three months in a year) she demands to babysit dd. and it doesnt matter what i say. obviously i'm hardly jumping up and down at the prospect. and naturally, as i'm sure all mothers are, i'm suspect of her 'parenting' or 'babysitting' skills. dh says thats nonsense and she's the best mother ever but am beginning to doubt that!! anyway that would be a new thread of its own!
without going into details, she must be the most rude, ill-bred, crass, greedy, stingy, manipulative and ignorant woman i have ever had the misfortune to meet.respect is hardly in her vocabulary.

and i feel terribly sorry for dd that she's has been with her for the past two days. she didnt even let me take her home last night, saying dd was fast asleep.

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littlemissbossy · 20/01/2005 09:59

What do you mean you couldn't take your dd home?BTW I'd be well peed off if my dh missed our childs first b'day

HADitUPtoHERE · 20/01/2005 10:02

well, dh was supposed to pick her up after work actually, as i was stuck at work until 10pm!!! but he didnt and he claims that the mil said dd was already asleep by the time he got there and it'd be "best not to disturb her."

problem is, me, dh and dd and my parents were supposed to go off on a trip this weekend. this certainly has put a spanner in the works. dont know how to remain civil.

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HADitUPtoHERE · 20/01/2005 10:04

i think i will take the rest of the day off today to calm myself, sort myself out, take dd from mil OR failing that then jumping in a river somewhere.
ta

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kid · 20/01/2005 10:14

I'm sorry, but if my DD was asleep or not, I would take her home anyway! As for DH forgetting her birthday, it sounds as though it could have been planned to annoy you? Does he really have to go?
I'd point out how important her first birthday is and how you feel he will regret missing it if he does go off for the week. I don't know how you remain civil to his family if thats the way they treat you

lunavix · 20/01/2005 10:15

She has no right to keep your child when you want her home.

I think you need to stand up to these people - they're obviously treating you like a doormat - sorry if that sounds a bit harsh - and you need to tell them that your family works your way.

HADitUPtoHERE · 20/01/2005 10:18

well dh hardly sees it that way. he likes the 'i'm the man of the house' attitude altho he hardly perfect.

i do find it extremely hard to remain civil to his family so i always avoid them. thankfully they're never in the country. except at times like this.of course he doesnt HAVe to go, but the thing is, he'll probably WANT to. he idolises his *&^% sis

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lunavix · 20/01/2005 10:21

Sweetheart I really feel for you :c(

Don't let them use you and dd like this :c(

kid · 20/01/2005 10:21

If it were me, I'd tell him thats he chose to be with me, we have a child together so you should be here to celebrate her birthday with us. Don't let him get away with it, I know its easier said than done.
When are you going to get your DD back?

HADitUPtoHERE · 20/01/2005 10:26

thanks guys.

should be today as we're going off for a long weekend tomorrow. altho that's spoilt now

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Newbarnsleygirl · 20/01/2005 10:30

Is it a joke? I'm sat here seething. I can't believe that your dh would go away on your dd's first birthday and that your MIL would plan a trip at that time and not at least ask you to go!
If your dh insists on going then why don't you go on that trip with your mum and dad.

HADitUPtoHERE · 20/01/2005 10:35

hi newbarnsley..if you're sat there seething, imagine what i'm going through. can someone list out all the evil things i could do to take my revenge? i need some good ones. at least humour me if nothing else. he's always been a bit of an inconsiderate twat tho, him and his family. i think it's really not cos they're deliberately being evil. i think it's really cos they're just so STUPID and INSENSITIVE to how normal people feel.
They're all not normal, really. they've got some sort of weird gene or something. they're mutants i think

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Newbarnsleygirl · 20/01/2005 10:46

Take up carpentry and design a new range of coffin! That's what my MIL always says about her MIL!!! Join NASA and send them back to where they came from. Then after you have done that invest in a punchbag. I'm hitting mine as I type for you!

HADitUPtoHERE · 20/01/2005 10:48

thanks [wry smile]

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hippi · 20/01/2005 11:34

to to him tell himyou don't want him to miss your dd's birthday. Guilt trip him by saying that when she's older and looks at the photos of her first b'day and asks where daddy was - he'll have to have a good reason for not being there! Also explain to him that you and dd are (and bloddy well should be)his family and main priority not his mother or sister. Good luck and i hope dd has a wonderful first b'day with or without her daddy!

hippi · 20/01/2005 11:35

Sorry first word should be talk - got wound up and miss typed

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