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Please help me help DH!!

(6 Posts)
Quacks Tue 18-Jan-05 20:26:23

Thought this would be the best place to post this as fundamentally it is relationship based.

My DH has high blood pressure, is overweight (doc says obsese!), drinks too much, prob high cholestrol but he won't go for the test as he says he already knows he's high. (He doesn;t eat unhealthily just drinks too much). I love him so much but am so worried. There's a history of heart disease and heart attacks in his family. We have a 4 yr old and a 5 month old and he won;t do anything about it!
He used to go to the gym then we had kids and the weight has gone on from there.
We don;t have sex that much as he says he;s too tired and its hard work. When we do it is good generally and could be again if he lost some weight and a bit fitter. He weighs about 17 stones and is 6 feet tall. Not huge I know but its all on the tummy, the danger area.

I know he could have a heart attack anythime really but he says he just can;t be bothered exercising. He has a great job and is devoted to it and when he;s not there he loves being with us and relaxing. He's a fantastic Daddy. I think he;s getting into a rut though and that could mean trouble for us. We've been together 15 years, married for 5 and I'm concerned all round really, about his health and our relationship.
Sorry to waffle but he won;t read any literature, see the Doc and says I'm nagging!!!! How do I help him???????????????????????
Eternall thanks

spikeycat Wed 19-Jan-05 07:07:43

Quacks, do you do the shopping? I would stop buying th wine (its what I did) and if you do the cooking really simply things like not adding salt to the cooking water, not putting salt on the table make a difference to high blood pressure. My P (not D at the mo!) had high blood pressure and just these few simply things made a dif and bought it back in to normal range. Also, as a shock take a life innsurance policy out?

lulupop Wed 19-Jan-05 11:16:14

he sounds depressed. I tried a lot of different things with my husband when I wanted him to lose weight. He was 3 stone overweight and totally unfit.

I stopped buying wine and sweet things, only cooked incredibly healthy food, and made him a tasty hea;thy lunch for work every day.

Since he personally didn't care to lose weight, none of this made any difference. It was no good me not haveing wine in the house when he still drank a bottle twice a week when out with friends. I got him a BUPA well man test and even the results of that didn't seem to make a difference to him.

He has lost about 10 pounds over a period of a year now, but that is purely down to our family meals being very low-calorie. Meanwhile I have had to deny myself things which I actually like and am capable of having in moderation!

My h is definitely depressed and tbh I think anyone who could be told by a doctor, Lose weight or put yourself at risk of heart disease, but still doesn't, must be depressed.

Sorry, this whole post is in itself depressing, but i'm just trying to point out that your husband's health is his responsibility, not yours, and you shouldn't blame yourself if he doesn't want to get fit and lose weight.

Quacks Wed 19-Jan-05 20:59:25

Thanks for your thoughts. I hope he isn;t depressed. He isn;t the same as he used to bo thpugh that;s for sure. I posted elsewhere that he isn;t lazy at all. He adores the garden and DIY and that's what he loves doing weekends and going to the beach etc.. He has such a stressful job he just wants to unwind with alcohol. I know this isn't cardio work as you;d do in the gym but it would be enough to keep weight in check, if he lost some. We do eat fairly healthily and I have made a huge effort to cook each night. he just takes a can of soup for lunch with 2 slices of bread and a nana. He has a low metabollic rate.
Spikey sorry DP isn;t 'd'! I do take on board the salt thing, he loves salt. Will try to reduce this defo. Thanks both of you!

Clare1406 Wed 19-Jan-05 21:49:48

Quacks my DH is about the same weight as yours, but 5ft 11. & has angina in the family. His dad die at 41 of heart attack, brother-in-law had scare last year age 42. DH 40 this year. He knows theres a problem so we try to go swimming twice a week with DS & take turns doin lengths.
Food wise, definately cut out the salt or use alternative Lo-Salt. If he doesn't like that try adding a bit of garlic, parsley or other herbs suitable for the dish, to make it a bit different.
Also, try sweet potatoes instead of normal, or just cut them out & add more veg.
IE; carrots, parsnips, celery, courgette, butternut squash, cut all up into big chunks, light covering of olive oil, then, crushed garlic & chopped parsley or oregano. Roast on 200 for about 40mins turning once, depending on wether you like crunchy veg. It's lovely & will make a nice change.
If all else fails, scare tactics, tell him that his kids need him, & if he carries on, he may not see them go to secondary school. But he's got to want to do it, you can't help someone who won't help themselves.
Good luck Hun.

Quacks Thu 20-Jan-05 21:00:45

THankyou so much Clare, I really appreciate that. I will certainly try that dish - sounds fab! He doesn;t know any other way to relax than alcohol any more and needs to relearn that. Hope all is well with you. XX

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