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DP has its all going Pete Tong!

(59 Posts)
Springchicken Tue 18-Jan-05 08:49:20

Well, the day finally arrived on Friday when DP proposed to me...............and of course i said yes !
Decided June time next year would be perfect timing for us.

We were so excited we rang round everyone on Friday night to tell them and every was thrilled for us until it got to me telling DP's DB's fiance (who in turn is my best friend).

She completely turned, said "You will be stamping on my toes by getting married before us"(they are marrying until May 2007), "You have really hurt my feelings", "Seems odd that you never even mentioned getting married before we did and now you want to do it before us". angry]

It is so pathetic but it has made me so angry ! Up until Sunday i was funing with rage but now i feel really hurt and upset.

DP's DB and fiance are making things really hard by involving other people - they were bitching to DP's DM about it all day sunday when we were there to defend ourselves.
DP's DM completely agrees with us - it is ridculous to expect us to wait for 3.5 years to get married just so we don't do it before them - she tried to tell them this on Sunday but they weren't interested!

They have chosen to get married May 2007 because they cannot afford to do it any sooner and they want their kids to be old enough to be involved - fair enough, everyone can make their own choices. I have always wanted a summer wedding which means us waiting until Summer 2008 before getting married.
We want to have another baby soonish but have decided we would prefer to get the wedding out of the way first and the try for a baby straight afterwards therefore there wont be too much of an age gap between DD and a new sibling (Propbably just short of 3 years)!

I don't even know why i am writing this to be honest - i thought i would feel better for getting it off my chest but i don't.
I just want to cry I can believe they are being like this and seriously believe we are doing it just to get married before them.

I could understand it if we were doing it 1,2,3,or even 6 months before them cos i'd probably be quite pissed off it if was me but it's a whole year.

I don't see how they can understand all of our reason and still be reacting the way they are - I just feel like shit and this is meant to be such a happy and exciting time.

Sorry, i don't know why i posted this. You will all probably tell me now that i am out of order.
I bet the post doesn't even make sense.

Bozza Tue 18-Jan-05 08:53:30

Poor you. They are, of course, as you already know, being ridiculous. You can't live your life around waiting for them to get married. As you say it is a completely different year than them and you have good reasons. For some reason lots of perfectly sane women get very precious and egocentric about their wedding and although it might be the most important day of their lives to them, forget that its not so for everyone else. Try not to dwell on it (hard I know) and just hope the fuss dies down.

Hausfrau Tue 18-Jan-05 09:01:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tetley Tue 18-Jan-05 09:05:44

Agree with Bozza - you're not out of order at all. Just try to carry on with your plans & it'll all hopefully die down.

She's afraid that you'll take away some of her glory (which if your wedding was a couple of weeks before hers might have been the case), but when yours is a year in advance is ridiculous!

I hope that it settles down for you soon so that you can be happy again & ennjoy your engagement.

Springchicken Tue 18-Jan-05 09:11:26

Thanks - that has made me feel slightly better knowing that i am not the one in the wrong!

I just cannot believe my best friend would react like this. Her first reaction when i told her we were getting married was "WHEN?".
I haven't even had a congratulations from her.

DP is really upset because he knows his brother doesn't care about who gets married when but he is obviously siding with his fiance rather than telling her she is being ridiculous.

Marina Tue 18-Jan-05 09:11:59

Tut, she doesn't have a monopoly on getting married. Sorry she spoilt your lovely news, many congratulations SpringChicken! I am sure everyone she is griping to has spotted what a wally she's being...

charlie01 Tue 18-Jan-05 09:13:42

I had a similar situation with my sister although it was me in the wrong!

We got married last september and I went completely crazy when my sister brought home some brochures about getting married abroad. I couldn't get it out of my head that my wedding was first and she shouldn't be planning hers and trying to upstage me. Completely ridiculous and I am so embarrassed when I think about it now.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that in my experience weddings definitely bring the worst out in people. All I can suggest is that you talk to her and try and get her to understand that you are choosing to get married next year for good reasons. If she is anything like me she will be very embarrassed when she realises later how ridiculous she has been. It will calm down though so try not to worry.

Bozza Tue 18-Jan-05 09:14:24

Sorry I also forgot to congratulate you springchicken


DPs brother is obviously just trying for a quiet life. And your friend has unfortunately got things out of proportion.

Springchicken Tue 18-Jan-05 09:14:34

Plus, it is probably very unlikely to die down.
She overreacts about everything - she even threw her DP out on Friday night because he went to the pub.

I feel so awful for DP's Mum aswell - it's not nice for her to know her sons are arguing

I now feel that i can't pop to DP's Mums house incase they are there - i don't her to feel akward in her own home, it's not fair.
Plus, i said to DP, that even if things get sorted out I wont feel like i can talk about the wedding or get excited about.

I was actually looking forward to asking her to be my maid of honour

blossom2 Tue 18-Jan-05 09:16:04

sorry to be rude - but what a silly woman your friend is and she's not much of a friend if she thinks like that .

we went to a friends wedding in August and found out that another couple were getting married the following year. we also decided to get married the same year so we had ours in April 04, their's was July 04 and then found out at our wedding that another set of close friends were getting married in Sept 04!!!

Your friend should be happy and excited for you rather than spiteful. My friends & I saw it as an opportunity to talk about wedding stuff - we knew that other people would be really bored very quickly.

JanH Tue 18-Jan-05 09:16:19

And what if theirs fell through? It does happen!

I don't think anybody she whinges to will agree with her. She is being ridiculous and they should get over themselves. It's a shame she managed to spoil your happy evening but try to forget that and concentrate on your plans - I hope she will eventually have the grace to apologise to you.

Cheer up - you are a fiancee!

Springchicken Tue 18-Jan-05 09:16:51

I would love to sit down and try to explain to them because i cannot see how they can understand our reasons and still think we are doing it to spite them.

It would only happen though when she has stopped being pathetic long enough to discuss it and that infuiates me more, the fact it has to be on her terms.

runtus Tue 18-Jan-05 09:16:53

Personally (am I might be harsher than you!) I wouldn't worry about how she feels about YOUR wedding, if she wants to make a fuss about it let her - she is just making herself look petty.

Concentrate on enjoying the moment and if she decides to apologise then fine, until then treat her as one less person to worry about in the whole scheme of things.

blossom2 Tue 18-Jan-05 09:18:46

Oops - Many congratulations Springchicken.

Springchicken Tue 18-Jan-05 09:19:01

Thanks guys - i do feel better now. Up until now, i have only been able to speak to my family about it and i didn't know if they were just being bias towards me.

Good point JanH, this is another point we have made.
What gets me is that they have made no formal arrangements - they have said May 07 but have not set a date, they have booked a church, a venue etc - they haven't even decided if they want to get married in this bloody country ot not yet!!!!

Springchicken Tue 18-Jan-05 09:20:13

That was meant to be "HaAve NOT booked a church, a venue etc"!

Calm Down SC !

blossom2 Tue 18-Jan-05 09:22:28

does it really take over 2 years to plan a wedding?!?!?!!?

we did ours in 6 months!!

hope it all works out and personal advice is just ignore (and choose another maid-of-honour!)

Hulababy Tue 18-Jan-05 09:22:46

Congratulations on getting engaged

Forget about your friend's feelings for a while and concentrate on yours. Celebrate your news and plan your wedding as you want it, when you want it. Don't allow her to taint this.

As you already know, your friend is being ridiculous about this and needs to grow up and get over it.

tiptop Tue 18-Jan-05 09:24:17

Springchicken - Congratulations on your engagement!!!

I think your best friend is being absolutely ridiculous. There's a good chance that someone will be able to get through to her soon and make her see sense. When she does, I suggest that you have your plans ready ie colours, flowers, theme (?!) and in the meantime have a think about what she's told you in the past about her "dream" wedding dress, or bouquet, or bridesmaids' dresses, wedding car (or horse and carriage!), wedding reception location or whatever, so that you can do what you want to do, but not the same as she has always wanted if you can possibly avoid it. I don't know if that makes sense, but hopefully you can understand it!

Congratulations again and I hope it all gets sorted soon so that you can get on with enjoying making your preparations for the wedding!

aloha Tue 18-Jan-05 09:24:47

Congratulations! Enjoy planning your wedding and being engaged and don't waste your emotional energy on someone else's irrational unpleasantness. She's being very stupid. Agree with whoever said that weddings can bring out the worst in some people. She sounds like a real 'bridezilla' and at some point in the future she will realise what a self-obsessed twit she's been - but that's not your problem. Just smile and be happy and don't let her funny ways change ANYTHING about you - how you feel, what you do, how often you see your mum. Especially the latter as I'm sure your mum will LOVE planning your wedding with you. remember - her strop isn't really about you at all - it's all about her.

Springchicken Tue 18-Jan-05 09:28:04

Aloha, you sound just like my Dad.

"Remember Jem, she is the one with the problem, don't let it turn into you having a problem. Let her do as she pleases".

Maybe he does make some sense after all.

galaxy Tue 18-Jan-05 09:28:44

Congratulations to you both. I know it's hard, but try to ignore her petty-minded jealousy. She will probably feel really embarrassed once she's calmed down and will want to be involved in your wedding plans.

This happened to a friend of mine. She arranged to get married in September 2001 and her sister then announced she was getting married 6 weeks later. D was quite upset because it took the shine off her plans and the actual day.

I would just get on with your plans and not let them upset you.

aloha Tue 18-Jan-05 09:30:04

I think your dad sounds a splendid chap

Springchicken Tue 18-Jan-05 09:31:25

A whole other problem this causes is the fact that so-called-best-friend was meant to be looking after DD for me whilst i went back to work part time.

I am pretty much up sh*t creek because of this - i can work from home, which isn't a problem but the fact is, that i don't get much done, only really when DD has her naps (Which are few and far between at the minute)!

Blu Tue 18-Jan-05 09:34:39

Congratulations, SpringChicken - lovely!
LOL at 'bridezilla' - she is being completely preposterous, take as little notice as you can. She wants you to wait more than two years???? Quite mad. I would just be lighthearted with other relatives if they get dragged in - this tantrum really doesn't deserve any serious attention.

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