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Is it me? SOrry a bit long

(34 Posts)
lunavix Mon 17-Jan-05 13:46:59

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nutcracker Mon 17-Jan-05 13:51:24

No i don't think it is your fault and your relationship sounds so much like mine it's scary.

Dp keeps accusing me of talking down to him, when i am sure i am not, it's just the way he hears it iykwim.

He is very out of line for what he said to you IMO.

Can i ask why you haven't split up yet, if you want to leave ???

littlemissbossy Mon 17-Jan-05 13:53:26

No, it's not your fault lunavix, but if this is typical of a row, then clearly there's a problem in your relationship together. Have you responded tyo his email?

Caligula Mon 17-Jan-05 13:54:06

Your DH sounds either like a natural lunatic, or as if he's going through a nervous breakdown.

I don't think it is your fault, but I do think you and he need to communicate with each other. If it's impossible to do that without a third party, then I'd suggest outside counselling, like Relate.

Apologising to him isn't the best thing to do, as it re-inforces his sense of being right to carry on in this berserk fashion.

Poor you. Sounds like living in a minefield.

lunavix Mon 17-Jan-05 13:57:29

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lunavix Mon 17-Jan-05 13:59:39

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littlemissbossy Mon 17-Jan-05 14:02:05

well, relate will soon show him that the problem is not only yours (not blaming you btw!!), hope it goes ok, let us know how you get on x

Caligula Mon 17-Jan-05 14:03:06

It sounds like what's behind this particular paddy is his insecurity about your love for him - perhaps he feels that you don't love him and is pushing the boundaries to see how far he can go with you to see if you do love him after all? (if that doesn't sound too convoluted!)

I agree, once the love's gone, all the counselling in the world isn't going to bring it back. However, you may find it's not all gone...

Good luck for tomorrow.

lunavix Mon 17-Jan-05 14:09:16

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lunavix Tue 18-Jan-05 15:32:44

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spacedonkey Tue 18-Jan-05 15:39:00

Sorry you're having a difficult time of it at the moment lv

The fact that you feel disappointed suggests to me that really you do want to separate. Were you brutally honest with the counsellor?

beachyhead Tue 18-Jan-05 15:43:32

You may be disappointed as 'go ahead break up' is a definate decisions, wheras 'work it out' is less definate and will take a lot more work (and may or may not work) so it's probably just the thought of the long slog ahead that is making you feel a bit down.... hopefully you may see the light at the end of the tunnel after a few more sessions and then you will know one way or the other. Don't close any doors yet, though.....

collision Tue 18-Jan-05 15:43:33

Sorry to hear you are a bit down about all this. At least you have both tried. Maybe you need to try and be romantic again. It is so easy to let things go and just get on with life but maybe you both need to remember why you fell in love with each other in the first place. Could you get a babysitter and go out for a drink or dinner. Could you talk about why you row, when you are both calm, and see if there is a different way to deal with it?

DH and I have had a few petty rows recently but we talked about it and I admitted that I have a shorter fuse ATM because of a lack of sleep since ds was born. He said sorry for taking me for granted etc and it was all OK. If we had shouted at each other we wouldnt have got the prob sorted. HTH. I suppose though at the end of the day, you have to decide if you want to save your marriage.

lunavix Tue 18-Jan-05 15:50:00

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spacedonkey Tue 18-Jan-05 15:53:00

I'm not surprised you feel disappointed if you feel he is not acknowledging what you consider to be the real problem with the relationship. It does seem a bit shallow of him to say that getting out more with his mates would make it better (although of course it is important to have time for yourselves). I would feel disappointed with that too. He's not acknowledging your feelings is he?

lunavix Tue 18-Jan-05 16:05:57

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spacedonkey Tue 18-Jan-05 16:08:32

I find it a bit worrying that the counsellor was doing so much talking, and presuming to draw conclusions after just one session ... she should be listening, not talking!

lunavix Tue 18-Jan-05 16:11:58

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spacedonkey Tue 18-Jan-05 16:14:00

I don't blame you! It is arrogant of him to claim there aren't any problems, just because he hasn't got a problem with things the way they are. If either one of you feels there are problems, then there are problems!

Tbh he really needs to start taking your feelings seriously. No wonder you feel like leaving

FineFigureFio Tue 18-Jan-05 16:17:03

maybe your dh doesnt see arguing as a problem because it is normal to argue. Although kicking over the ball pool is a little immature, but I have done worse! I think the whole point of counselling is for you both to come to a decision after you have given it your best shot.

I am sorry i have never read any of your other threads so dont know the ins and outs of things, but you have a child and you should give a 100% to save your relationship first IMO before leaving.

Why do you think you have fell out of love with him? Do you think this is why he is arguing with you? sort of trying to attention seek because he feels unloved? Does he go out with his friends? i know someone said this isnt important but I would LOVE to go out with my friends more and sometimes feel that is why I get fed up ios because i dont go out enough, either with dp or on my own.

lunavix Tue 18-Jan-05 16:17:31

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amynnixmum Tue 18-Jan-05 16:18:18

What happens now, do you have to see her regularly?

lunavix Tue 18-Jan-05 16:20:09

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lunavix Tue 18-Jan-05 16:22:02

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amynnixmum Tue 18-Jan-05 16:22:22

You poor thing.{{{hugs}}}. I hate arguing

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