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PLEASE PLEASE HELP - I just don't know what to do anymore

(19 Posts)
Carla Sun 16-Jan-05 16:27:49

H dropped dds and I off at a party at 1.00pm, which lasted for 2 hours. He cleared off, I stayed with the girls. He came to collect us at 3.00pm, and I asked if he would let me drive with him in the car as I haven't driven for a while and felt I'd lost my confidence.

Well, I got bollocksed for driving in 3rd gear in a 30mph speed zone. I pointed out that that's what I'd always done and that I didn't want his opinion on my methods of driving, just for him to sit with me in case I got nervous. He called me ridiculous.

Got back, made a sandwich, turns out he'd been 'cleaning his shoes' for the last two hours.

Logged on to MN to see what was happening - was on here all of 5 mins, at which point dd came in and said 'We're going to the Con club'. 'No you're not, I said, you've got school tomorrow and we've still got to comb through your hair.' ' Come on girls, let's go - leave your mother to that bloody MN'.

So out they all went into the drive. I asked him to take the Nissan (which I certainly could never drive) instead of the Mondeo. He refused.

I was so desperate I stood in the middle of the exit of our drive - and he slowly reversed into me, pushing me out of the way with the rear of the car. I opened the door and shouted you bastard, you bastard - what must my girls think.

I can't go on but don't know what to do. Please help me. Surely he can't just unilateraly decide to take my girls off simply because I spent 5 mins on MN. And in such a cruel way. They saw what he did. At the moment I just feel like taking off right now but I know that wouldn't be the right thing to do either

colditzmum Sun 16-Jan-05 16:32:41

Thank him. he did it to P you off, so when he comes back and you have your feet up and a cup of tea, say "OOOooo I've had a loveky time, it's so nice to get time to myself for once"

Then next time he feels like punishing you he won't take the kids cos he'll think you'll enjoy it too much!!!

makealist Sun 16-Jan-05 16:37:01

good advice colditzmum. sorry to hear this carla, what a sh*t he is.

lowcalCOD Sun 16-Jan-05 16:38:14

in fact 30 is recommended byt he police at a 30 zone
sister in law went on a speed awareness course.

Carla Sun 16-Jan-05 16:39:38

Colditzmum it's much, much more than that. He feels he has the right to do whatever he wants to with our children, regardless of my feelings. It could be the conservative club tonight, France tomorrow. And surely reversing in to me is assault?

colditzmum Sun 16-Jan-05 16:44:55

Ah - missed that bit. wait for him to come back, wait till he's gone to bed, then get out, take the kids with you. Why is yhe such a bully?

Socci Sun 16-Jan-05 16:47:21

Message withdrawn

Carla Sun 16-Jan-05 16:48:22

But go where? He sleeps with one of them so I'd never be able to do that without waking him up even if I did have somewhere else to go. And I don't want to disrupt their tiny lovely lives.

Carla Sun 16-Jan-05 16:49:58

At the conservative club the children are bored senseless. He has a couple of beers and comes back even cockier and more contemptuous than usual.

misdee Sun 16-Jan-05 17:05:30

do you really think your dd's lives are lovely when they hear mummy and daddy fighting all the time?

sorry to be blunt, but i think u need to sort this out, asd its gonna be your dd's who suffere the most.

Socci Sun 16-Jan-05 17:09:58

Message withdrawn

jordylass Sun 16-Jan-05 17:10:46

I have to agree Carla, I'm doing it now, but should have done it years ago, it would have been better for my kids, they are miserable when we argue and hear much more than we think they do

Carla Sun 16-Jan-05 17:19:19

Socci, family are all about 60 miles away, so no good for school. Jordylass, do you mind me asking how old your child/ren are?

jordylass Sun 16-Jan-05 17:26:24

I have 2 older children to a previous relationship, who won't really be affected by this, but 'our' children are 11, 10 and 8

Carla Sun 16-Jan-05 17:31:07

Jordylass please don't feel you have to answer this, but do they know what you're doing and if so how do they feel about it?

Carla Sun 16-Jan-05 17:32:06

And will your husband get to keep them all to himself at weekends and stuff?

Carla Sun 16-Jan-05 17:32:18

And will your husband get to keep them all to himself at weekends and stuff?

jordylass Sun 16-Jan-05 17:35:54

I don't know he refuses to discuss the practicalities of it, but I'm hoping it's something like every other weekend

Pagan Tue 18-Jan-05 15:46:12

The reversing into you part is particularly alarming and definitely bullying IMO. Blokes always seem to think they can give advice re driving but it only serves to make women more nervous. I sh*t my pants in the car when DH is driving - one hand on wheel, too fast in built up area, no use of indicators but the lectures I get when I'm at the wheel ......... it's totally wanky.

Treat yourself to some extra driving lessons or even go for your advanced motorist. At least read a book called the driving manual then you'll be able to point out all his faults (I bet he has loads) when he's driving and be nice and smug about it!

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