Couple time? - a question from my DH

[Demented]

My DH has asked me to ask about this on MN (as he has come to understand MNetters always know the answers ).

I'm not sure what he is getting at here or what he may be planning on changing about our lives but he wondered how many of you spend couple time with each other - set times for just the two of you to play board games, watch a film etc, etc?

I suggested we take up oregami or perhaps spin our own wool in the evenings but he wasn't impressed. I think he has visions of couples with young children up and down the land putting the kids to bed and spending quality time with each other instead of crashing in front of the telly, PC, tidying up, sorting laundry or doing ironing.

All answers appreciated, I think!

[Laylasmum]

we do try to make a concerted effort to go out every so often sometimes its only once a month dd goes to grandparents and we just go out for a drink ( and spend most of the time talking about dd!! )

[Heathcliffscathy]

i think that it is v v v important to try to get out as a couple once a week, or twice a month at the outside...

marriage saver imo

[coppertop]

When our 2 boys finally go to sleep we either flop in front of the TV or dh spends some time with his hobbies while I either read or use the computer. We have no childcare so don't go out together without the children.

[spacedonkey]

agree with sophable

dp and i bonded over a scrabble board incidentally

[weightwatchingwaterwitch]

Demented, some evenings I'm here and he's on Playstation and other evenings we'll spend together watching a film, eating, talking. We go out for dinner or have friends over to eat sometimes. When we're both at home during the day we go for long walks and talk a lot then. What's the question though? How long you spend together and what you do in that time? We don't do any chores in the evening once the children are in bed, beyond leaving the kitchen clean after cooking and that's mostly been done before they've gone to bed, it depends on when we eat. 8pm - 10.30 or 11pm really is totally free time as far as we're concerned and I'd say we spend a fair bit of that together with the rest split between mumsnet/PS2/being on the phone to friends/reading books.

[Gobbledigook]

Agree with Sophable and SD - I do think it's vital to spend 'quality' time as a couple. We don't go out loads but try to spend some time in the evenings chatting in front of the TV or watching a film. It can be very easy to fill your time with all the other stuff that needs doing but we just decide to do certain things then leave it and just spend the rest of the evening together.

[jojo38]

um.
well, um, not enough really. We should do more but we don't have much, if anything in common... how sad!!!

He has this fascination with the pc and wargames, not my cuppatea really - I am a bit of a soap addict and he isn't. When he's finished on pc, he comes in to watch tv - usually a documentary on physics or history. I go to have a bath, come here on MN or go to bed.
I love horseriding - he doesn't. He loves warhammer, I don't... etc...

We do manage to get together with some friends once a month and we do have a drink (kids are off somewhere with spermdonor) and play games like pictionary, trivia type things etc... we have a good laugh and we do relax together but it takes organising with friends. S'pose its better than nothing.

[JanH]

demented, cackling at spinning wool!

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[Frizbe]

he he Scaltygirl I know where your comin from re the pc's! We make an effort to get out together at least once a month without baby, so that involves a vague baby sitting rota amongst out friends! then we make time for each other on certain nights as well, to ensure we don't just flop in front of the tv or pc's!

[velcrobott]

We share evening routine with kids so we either do it together or one at a time.... they are in bed by 7PM. If we had not eaten with kids (we try to most evenings) one of us will cook.... ideally the other (me) drinks a glass of wine in kitchen whilst DH cooks.... otherwise I cook.
We - am ashamed to admit it - eat in front of tele when not with kids.... we spend a fair bit of time together in bed.... talking though... we like this.... we read together in bed (very different books).... we both work from homne so we get a lot of time together and can have lunch together so that's extra time for us... or we have a cup of tea/coffee during the day and kids are away (HEAVEN!)

[Demented]

I think it's becoming clear what he is meaning now. He has just explained to me that after nine years of doing up houses, having children and nervous breakdowns he feels it's time for us to have a life again and I have no objections!

We have at long last found a babysitter and he is proposing we go out once a month which is great but initally seemed a bit much after only going out together twice a year prior to this.

I think it's quite easy for us to fall into a rut because we both work from home and see each other all day long and in the evenings we are very like jojo and her DH swapping from one room to the other doing different things. I think my DH just wants to know what normal (?) couples do of an evening.

So far your answers have given us a few ideas.

[weightwatchingwaterwitch]

Ah, that's nice demented, enjoy it!

[Demented]

Scaltygirl, me thinks you may be hitting the nail on the head! but he's not going to get me that easily!

DH has just remembered that we do get away a bit during the day coffees/lunch etc (about once a week) but we usually have DS2 in tow, so that probably doesn't count.

[Demented]

Aw you've made him now!

Perhaps you are right, I was all suspicious thinking he had some sort of ulterior motive!

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[weightwatchingwaterwitch]

And if you live where I think you live (you're nearish me) then, ooh, you've got some lovely restaurants to enjoy.

[hatstand]

a normal evening for us is tv, maybe, reading, but generally together and talking at the same time ifyswim. We go out individually maybe once a week and with friends or have friends over once a week. Towards the end of last year we were getting a bit stressed, so we promised each other that we would each organise a day or evening out - it was a nice way of doing it - the organiser was responsible for everything inc (most crucially) baby-sitting and the other one was just told the date and so got a nice suprise. I got taken on the London Eye and it was lovely - and so much better for being a suprise. I think I'll propose we both do it again soon

[colditzmum]

We don't. We share childcare between us, ie if I am on a late shift, dp is on an early, vice-versa. We are lucky to get one day off a week togethr, it is usually midweek and is spent in a frenzy of housework and trips to the park.

[mears]

We do not have regular time together however, we are going away to the Hilton for 2 nights on Sunday. Going for a meal and to see a show - Mamma Mia. Can't wait. We haven't been anywhere ourselves for 3 years.

[tigermoth]

The amount of time dh and I spend alone together varies a lot. If we feel optimistic and have plans to discuss and dreams to dream we want to share that with each other. But we are both worriers in our own separate ways. Neither of us wants a regular slot in which we take on the other's worry along with our own. If we are going through tense or disappointing times, we tend to retreat to the TV or books or (in my case onl) the pc. At dark, tense times, we still confide in each other eventually, but only when it feels right to do so. A regular scheduele of quality time would not work for us at all.