My mother is mad!

[glitterfairy]

THis may be long but here we go. My mum who has been living with me for four months now has finally driven me barmy and obviuosly thinks I am mad too but I know it is her!

We had a row this morning and she has written me a letter saying she is moving out (result) but hopes I go to the doctor for help with it whatever it is.

We have always had a fraught relationship and didnt speak for two years before my daughter got born as she told me on Christmas eve one year that she had never wanted me and that she had never much liked me.

She loves my kids but since coming to live with us has called my dd 10 a bitch to her face and my ds 8 a sod and a bastard!

She has always been difficult and is currently not speaking to my brother for no reason at all that anyone can see.

At the moemnt her sister is ill in hospital so she is worried and stressed and visiting her and home only in the morning and late evening.

I am at my wits end I do not want her to stay but hate to think of her in a hotel (she has brought a flat which will be ready in Feb).

Sorry I dont usually moan but life sucks at the moment! My dh is about to go away for two weeks and is home late all the time leaving me with her.

[Laylasmum]

poor you!! she's making your life a misery try not to feel too guilty its not as if you chucked her out she volunteered to leave and probably doesn't feel guilty about all the nasty things she's said !!

[Caligula]

Mine too, but not as mad as yours GF!

She sounds like very hard work, and you sound a positive saint to have her in the house.

No advice, just sorry you have to put up with her.

[glitterfairy]

I wish I was a saint but I am not and I think that has been part of the problem I have been getting cross and not saying anything so not really acting like an adult about it.

then every now and then anger has boiled up adn I have been rude to her. This morning was the last straw and I shouted at her in front of the kids. Well swore actually!

[JanH]

It sounds as if you have been very restrained, gf.

Has she still got her house here? Why has she been living with you?

[glitterfairy]

Hiya Janh and happy New Year. She sold her house and has brought a warden controlled flat in same town but.... she decided to live with me until she could sort out the flat (4 months) without a timescale and she wouldnt sign the contract at one point.

She has been driving me mad and it has got worse and worse until last week when she was calling the kids names and I got furious. My Dh is now saying he is sick of hearing about ehr she is a crabby old lady but why cant we get on???? DER.

[JanH]

Happy New Year to you too dear, mwaah!

DER indeed!

So has she signed the contract now? Does she own the flat? Can she move into it?

[glitterfairy]

She owns the flat but cant move in until Feb but has written me a letter today saying that whilst my Aunt is ill she will have to live in my town as Aunty is at the Infirmary here and she will look for a "CHeap" hotel near the hospital.

In the meantime she wants me to go to a doctor for treatment with IT whatever it is.

[jangly]

Sorry, but she does sound a bit odd! Can't you just manage to put up with her till February? Good luck!

[jangly]

Not meaning to be rude though!!

[glitterfairy]

Be rude it deosnt matter anymore. I know she will think that having written to me I will now be penitent and say she must stay but I am not at all. I feel bad but more angry with her and really want her to leave asap.

[Heathcliffscathy]

DER?? darstardly elderly relative?

gf you are a saint imo. what a lovely daughter you are that you would put up with such rude and horrible behaviour and still hate the thought of her in a hotel. i'd have packed her off a while back, but then i am a very bad person [little devilish icon]

[JanH]

Oh, gf, I'm sorry but "IT" is making me laugh. Talk about clutching at straws. Have you suggested that she ring a few doctors with your symptoms to see if she can track down a specialist? (With a bit of luck they'll offer her an appt.)

Mothers and daughters, eh? Hope to god we don't end up like this with ours 20 years down the line...don't know whether to or or or !

[glitterfairy]

Sophable thank you. I must say I am feeling better as when I got the letter I started the old guilt thing again and then thought no I am not being manipulated!

I should have told her ages ago really.

[JanH]

When she moves in shall I go round and amuse her? Get it all out of her system? I can sit there going "oh I know" like Sybil F!

[glitterfairy]

Janh you made me laugh adn sophable . Youare so right IT is very funny. Also I am a nurse so perhaps she thought I would know what she meant!

I really really hope I am never like her. I must say if my daughters ever feel like this about me I will die a thousand deaths. I cannot believe though that she hasnt spoken to my brother once for ages even though he phones sends her presents and cares about her far more than I do.

[Tissy]

er, this may not work, but could she live in your Aunty's place until she is well, and even after then (to look after her rather than you and your family?)

[Heathcliffscathy]

i have v strange relationship with my mum (everyone loves her, she is lovely to everyone...but i always always feel either hurt or angry after any interaction with her) and it is the reason why i was v relieved to have a ds...i know that's totally stupid, and if we ever have a dd i will adore her, but i'm scared shitless of becoming my mum!!!!!!!!!

[glitterfairy]

Stalk her Jan but you would like her I am sure. She can be nice in small doses. Although I had someone to dinner who is very important in my job and he was appalled as she launched a full scale attack by telling him about my bad behaviour in the past.

[Kayleigh]

sophable - I know exactly how you feel. I have the same sort of relationship with my mum.
My dh knows the best way to wind me up is to answer me by saying "Yes, XX" (XX being my mums name).

[JanH]

Appalled by her I hope you mean gf, not by her revelations? You definitely need a break from each other - is Tissy's suggestion any use?

sophable, I have that effect on my DDs some of the time - and vv I must say - we can really pull each others' strings. Other times we get on incredibly well...

[glitterfairy]

Tissy I had thought of that but my Aunts is 12 miles away and she would have to get here to see my Aunt in hospital which would be hard.

Sophable my mum is a bit like that too. She has very very loyal friends who all support her even when she sends one of her kids to Coventry! She makes me angry, sad and a little off balance I am sure.

have just finished speaking to my brother who has offered to pay for her hotel even though she is not speaking to him and I am wondering if we are all too nice to her and this makes her worse.

By teh way Jan he has no clue what "it" is either and think she needs help not me.

[glitterfairy]

Ha ha ha ha . That was her last thing ringing my brother and sister saying she was leaving everything to me. She is mad ma dm amd ma dma dma Oh look it has become madam

[Tissy]

12 miles isn't that far- most towns have a bus service to / from the local hospital (one of the most profitable routes), and even if she had to get a taxi both ways, it would probably be cheaper than a hotel!