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I think this is a relationship thing.....a bit long winded

(10 Posts)
loujay Wed 12-Jan-05 12:45:58

I am confused, last night on his way home DP called and said that he thought I was depressed and that our relationship isnt like other peoples, that the best thing would be if we put our DD into nursery once a week to ease the burden on me (she is 16 months). The problem is I am not depressed just tired (DD has slept through only 4 nights out of the last 14) and the fact that I am low is just down to the tiredness. I am happy with our situation, him working me at home, yes it is hard but its only going to get easier right??
Now he wont even discuss it, he says that hes said his bit and that I am just trying to rehash it all again. Help!!

Caligula Wed 12-Jan-05 12:57:34

Hmm, the problem with many men is that they see proper communication as "rehashing".

What is really behind your DP's call?

Saying that he's said his bit - quite a controversial bit in my view, and then refusing to discuss it further, is not communication.

I think you just have to persist in saying that you would like to discuss this properly, re-hashing or not, as what he is saying is that HE is unhappy, but he's presenting it as you being unhappy.

Either way, you need to get him to talk!

Gumdrop Wed 12-Jan-05 12:57:54

I wondered two things, firstly, who is your DP comparing your relationship to? Sometimes I'm convinced that everyone out there is having a great time cruising through parenting while still maintaining a romantic, passionate relationship with DH/DP, but then I look on MN and it looks like mine is about average really.

Secondly, what are your concerns about putting DD into nursery for a day a week? It might be really lovely to have some "you" time, even if it means doing nothing more glam than lying dosing on the sofa watching rubbish TV.

Oh yes, and I get the "I've said what I'm going to, I don't want to repeat it all again" speech. It's a man thing - frustrating isn't it.

alicatsg Wed 12-Jan-05 13:02:30

that is bloke communication - he identified a problem and solved it for you. Thats the way they are, while we're more talking it through to get to a consensus. That old men from mars/women from venus thing.

At least having a morning to yourself might mean you could catch up on some sleep.

loujay Wed 12-Jan-05 15:20:35

THanks guys,Ive done some thinking and read what you said, sometimes DP is a bit too managerish for his osn good andthis amy be one of those times!!
I will have a chat to him tonight and try and sort something out, a day in nursery might do DD the world of good (and me too)
Will keep you posted.

aloha Wed 12-Jan-05 15:32:59

You might even want to tackle the sleeping thing if you are both knackered (or even if it's just you). He might well be concerned about you and want his vibrant wife back, and that's not so terrible really!

loujay Wed 12-Jan-05 16:31:56

the sleeping thing is a whole different issue aloha. There is no rhythm or rhyme to my DDs sleeping patterns plus there is another tooth this week with another threatening to appear.

aloha Wed 12-Jan-05 16:34:16

Believe me, I had an awful time with my ds until 8months so I sympathise. But if you could get her to sleep better I think you might all feel a lot happier in general - that's my experience anyway!

weightwatchingwaterwitch Wed 12-Jan-05 16:44:55

Agree with everyone that his telling you what he thinks and then refusing to discuss it further is not communication. Also agree that you must be knackered! And yes, it does get easier, really it does imo. Relationships do change enormously once you have children so maybe you two need to talk about that a bit more?

loujay Wed 12-Jan-05 16:47:05

this is 17 months and counting, she goes for weeks OK and then spends weeks waking up!!

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