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I'm so confused

(2 Posts)
bizzi Tue 11-Jan-05 17:38:44

For years I have been unhappy in my relationship with dh. There's a lack of respect, he does nothing to help, finds it hard to make time with the kids, always puts himself first, has no affection for me, sex petered out a few months into our relationship when I fell pregnant with ds 10 years ago, I'm still amazed that we managed to produce 2 more children

I told him I had had enough at the end of November and I thought we ought to work hard for the sake of the kids till after Christmas then with the help of Relate either sort this mess out or separate. He agreed but didn't put any effort in, then on Dec 27th he told me he wouldn't and couldn't change and if I was that unhappy, as he said he was too, we ought to separate.

I got my head into gear and began planning and actually felt stronger than I have done for years, then 3 days ago he told me he didn't want a split, he didn't mean to say all that on the 27th, he loved me etc etc. For the first time in our 11 years together he is really helping too, cleaning, cooking, washing up, mopping floors, collecting kids from school, taking them out - last night - for a 'midnight walk' (6pm really) they've seen the change, noticed how happier (less tired)I am. He's saying I'm wrong for leaving without giving him a final chance.
I feel so angry with him. We have started going to Relate to try to sort out our feelings whatever the outcome of our relationship. I don't feel any love for him. I want to run away from it all. Am I being cruel and unfair by being hard and walking away? Will my love return? Should I give him a chance? Will he change permanently? Why is life so hard?

warmmum Tue 11-Jan-05 18:01:59

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. Is it worth waiting to find out if Relate have something really constructive to add which might pave the way to a reconcilliation?

I can't imagine how you have lasted this long, and I do agree that having come to a decision it might be difficult to do a u-turn. I'm afraid you are the only one who can actually make the decision.

Thinking of you at this difficult time.

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