DH only wants It in the middle of the night

[tinyfeet]

I had DD 9 months ago. While I was pregnant, DH did not want to have sex. After DD was born, DH only wants to have sex in the middle of the night. I went along with it for a while, but recently have just refused. I told a friend about it, and she said that she liked it in the middle of the night and didn't seem to think it was a problem. One side of me is grateful that we have a sex life again, but another side of me is just NOT in the mood and just not enjoying it. Also, the insecure part of me wonders if DH is just not attracted to me any more - he usually stays up a few hours after I have gone to bed because he usually drinks beer while watching tv. What should I do?

[aloha]

Talk to him. Say you like having sex with him esp after his not wanting to for so long, but won't tolerate being woked up in the middle of the night (that's what babies are for ). Suggest an early night instead. I suspect he's avoiding something by staying up with his beer - but don't know what!

[tinyfeet]

Thank you aloha and sobernow. I will try to talk to him about it. I'll also look for the links for resuming sex after baby.
Happy Christmas!

[kip]

Tinyfeet, I sympathise entirely with you, my DH has steadily decreased his interest in sex with me over the past 8 years, getting worse with each child, he didn't enjoy sex during pregnancy so didn't bother at all with the last child's pregnancy and I could almost count the times we've had sex since her birth,(she's 2). We had sex 3 times last year, the last time being 7 months ago! This also tends to be in the middle of the night, after he's had an hour or so of sleep!

We talk sometimes, he feels pressure to perform and blames stess and exhaustion for his lack of sex drive. (He also drinks beer and 'plays' on the computer or watches TV for hours after I've gone to bed, saying it's too early and he wouldn't sleep). I feel rejected and useless!! But have sadly learnt to supress my own sex drive.

We tried RELATE and saw a sex therapist, she was useful but that was 6 years ago! Perhaps we need to go again!

I hate to provide you with a poor outlook, but your message rang bells with me and on a positive note I can say that I know he loves me and is faithful, it's not a case of not fancying me he just has no desire for sex and believes himself that his drive will return in time.

I'm sure things are similar in your situation, do talk to him but leave the pressure off, I know I've made mistakes there. If things continue maybe you would both consider counselling? I do hope your situation resolves quicker than ours has done.