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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.


(23 Posts)
lunavix Fri 07-Jan-05 14:20:06

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Loobie Fri 07-Jan-05 14:28:28

Where abouts are you,come to me if you can you are more than welcome,im in scotland.Otherwise im not too sure,he cant make you leave the house with your ds.If he gets aggresive about it phone the police and have him leave.Dont know if womens aid can help out here but i expect so.
Failing that if you really think he will go nuts when he comes home and try to throw you out,get the locks changed before he gets home and his stuff packed for him,have a friend/family member/someone close you can trust with you so you have back up/someone to get help for you/with you.Overall take care i hope its not too bad,i remember when i asked exp to leave it was a nightmare,but he went eventually and i now have a wonderful life omn my own with my 3 children 2 1/2 years down the line.

lunavix Fri 07-Jan-05 14:31:39

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tiredemma Fri 07-Jan-05 14:31:53

contact womens aid, they have a website and thier number will be in the phone book.
they may be able to help you with a refuge.

Blu Fri 07-Jan-05 14:43:05

Bump - can anyone post link?

motherinferior Fri 07-Jan-05 14:45:30

womens aid

wild Fri 07-Jan-05 14:46:57

I'm in essex, could you come to me?

lunavix Fri 07-Jan-05 14:48:26

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Blu Fri 07-Jan-05 14:51:10

Lunavix - I don't know anything about these things officially - but make sure your phone (if you have one) is topped up and charged, and have money in your pocket. Don't go anywhere without your baby, and the moment he seems to be turning violent, call the police. I wouldn't have thought he could turn you and your baby out..

lunavix Fri 07-Jan-05 14:54:52

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lunavix Fri 07-Jan-05 14:56:25

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pipkin Fri 07-Jan-05 15:06:02

Would arranging to go and stay with your own family/friends be a possibility, or do you feel the relationship could be worked on? Perhaps you could just have a break and a little time apart. You sound as if you could do with more support in RL, aren't his family supportive at all?

wild Fri 07-Jan-05 15:07:51

Dp told me to leave with ds when baby as too much crying. Been there. Know a little about how you may feel. CAT me anytime if you wish.

Blu Fri 07-Jan-05 15:58:46

What would YOU like to happen tonight?
A calm discussion about what is happening and how you can get your relationship back?
A calm discussion about how your relationship has disintegrated and how can you separate responsibly and ensure good contact between your ds and his dad?
Prepare for an emergency contingency - maybe put the women's aid number into your phone etc, but you could also spend some time thinking about how you could take control of the communication when he comes in and start on a civilised note? Respond to any wild allegations about cheating calmly and ask why he would think that? What evidence etc..but stay calm, try to stick to the point and not rise to anything really outrageus that he says?
Good luck, anyway.

snowbird Sun 09-Jan-05 13:53:48

Just read this thread. I hope you are ok, please let us know.
Take care (((((hugs)))))

nightowl Mon 10-Jan-05 08:01:34

can he make you leave? im not so sure about this anymore as i see so many of these posts but i was told when i part owned a house my ex couldnt force me to leave as i had a child. i was also told when i moved out and he moved his new partner in that i couldnt force them to sell up..even though it was half my house. if she had a child, whether it was his or not. does this apply to rented houses? can anyone advise on this?

lunavix Mon 10-Jan-05 08:38:29

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Piffle Mon 10-Jan-05 09:02:40

I'm in Lincs and offer you any help you need, somewhere to go or whatever...
Also without wanting to sound a judgement on your relationship, I think it sounds like he has decided you should stay, his way of portraying you to his family is very disrespectful and damaging.
By all means try counselling, they would certainly see through a lot of the BS and may even get through to him in a way that would allow you to continue with a new look relationship.
It sounds like a really difficult time for you
Big hugs

wild Mon 10-Jan-05 11:43:25

Please don't take on yourself his description re doing nothing round the house. Everywoman's Achilles heel here when we often want to be perfect 'at home' as well as everything else! just what you need to bring your self-esteem right down. Of course you can cope on your own, if you choose. He's one the that's petrified and that's why he's using all these controlling techniques including bringing in the big guns (MIL). Hope you can find something useful in counselling to make a happier family life, with happiness for you personally being a big part of that. Take care and good wishes

NameChangingMancMidlander Mon 10-Jan-05 11:46:42

lunavix, for you.

I hope he isn't pinning his hopes on counselling being the cure all, as it will only work if both parties are willing/able to try. It doesn;t sound like you are. Huge hugs.

wild Mon 10-Jan-05 12:17:24

Everywoman's Achilles heel putting it a bit strongly! just rang a real bell with me after weekend of dp showing off to his friends what a good chap he was to load the dishwasher and if it was up to me we'd live in a 'hovel'. the day to day stuff always gets done by the housework fairy I guess. Please don't let all this get you down, you deserve to be happy, unconditinally, don't let anyone tell you anything else

lunavix Wed 12-Jan-05 10:09:13

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munnzieb Wed 12-Jan-05 10:16:29

well i'd offer you a bed with me for the mo, but if u can hold out for 10 days longer, u can then come over (I only say that as DH is back and we've not seen each other for 3 months,) any how, jump on a train if you can, I'm in wales, its nice here, lots of beaches you could just have a break for a bit. Don't feel bullied into doing something you don't want to do. Stay strong hon, u need to be for DS's sake, and when u can't be we'll be here for u.

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