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Just don't know what to do, crap relationship and now he's terrified my two year old

(18 Posts)
wholeaves Wed 05-Jan-05 08:22:29

dp and i had a bad argument over xmas where he hit me (he was very drunk), it was the first time and I called the police. It was xmas day the next day and they told me basically that if I told them an asault had taken place they would have to arrest him, which spoil mine and the kids xmas day, if I said to them we had just argued and i had got scared they would give him a talking to etc. So, being a mug I went for the latter. There was no apology from him in the morning.
however, this morning he shouted so badly when he left I was shaking in my boots (or slippers!) and haven't really been able to stop crying. He says he is sick of me thretening to kick him out (which I do quite a lot to be fair). The kids were scared witless at the sight of him screaming in my face. (they are 2 and 10 mnths)
He has said before there is no way he will ever leave, and I have no where to go where I can take my children, who I would never ever in a million years leave behind. What do I do to get out of this terrible situation? I am so unhappy, I feel so shit that thing s have worked out like this but I am tired of trying. I only stayed here for the boys but if he can't act normally in front of them and not shout I don't see the point. Sorry if this is messed up and sounds madness, I can bearly think straight, let alone type.

weightwatchingwaterwitch Wed 05-Jan-05 08:25:17

If you really want him to leave you need to at least report it as assault and ideally take it all the way to court. You could get an injunction against him and you could get him to leave. I'm not surprised you're always threatening it if he's violent. So what if it's the first time? That would be enough for me. women's aid will help you

pixiefish Wed 05-Jan-05 08:26:23

right. you need to leave or get him out. he has hit you once and he will do it again. you need advice from someone better than me but i am off to look for some telephone numers for you and will be back shortly

JudgeFlounce Wed 05-Jan-05 08:28:24

Message deleted

wholeaves Wed 05-Jan-05 08:28:44

its all so shit, why am I sitting here crying at the thought of it all ending when I hate it anyway?

JudgeFlounce Wed 05-Jan-05 08:29:16

Message deleted

wholeaves Wed 05-Jan-05 08:29:34

judgeflounce - r u wigandrobe or a new one - I've not logged on for a while?

JudgeFlounce Wed 05-Jan-05 08:30:58

Message deleted

wholeaves Wed 05-Jan-05 08:33:00

thats really kind, but I can't talk, I keep crying and would not make sence, plus, I really should get off the pc and pay attention to my little ones, as they need it more than me at the mo. Although noddy has helped alot! I will og on when they go for their sleep, or maybe when I am at work this pm. What do you specialise in JF?

JudgeFlounce Wed 05-Jan-05 08:33:51

Message deleted

wholeaves Wed 05-Jan-05 08:35:35

its made more complicated as we have a family member staying here till end of jan, they are going through a split and I don't want to put them in the middle of mine.

pixiefish Wed 05-Jan-05 08:35:44

judgeflounce is here now and a far better person to advise you than me- good luck

JudgeFlounce Wed 05-Jan-05 08:38:53

Message deleted

wholeaves Wed 05-Jan-05 10:13:26

I wish I hadn't mentioned the violence, cos for me it really isn't about that. We have gotten ncreasingly nasty to each other over the last 6 months, and that was the end result. I just want to know how to get out of the situation, with the least nastiness and with the boys still having a good relationship with their dad.

I feel so crap, I told him months ago that I was going to goad him in to hitting me just so I was able to get him out of the house (as he wouldn't go off his own back) so he keeps chucking that up.

Neither of us is blameless

lulupop Wed 05-Jan-05 14:22:31

I'm not sure whether I should feel vaguely glad that there are so many others on MN in similar situations to mine, for purposes of support, or incredibly sad that we're all stuck like this. Either way, I just wanted to add my bit and let you know you are not alone.

Think Christmas also acts as a real heightener of emotions - time of yr you know you're supposed to be happy in the bosom of your family and all that, and yet don't.

If you can't quite get your head round the reality of splitting up yet, why not do what I have done, which is to make an appt to see a solicitor (on the quiet) and find out exactly what your position in law is?

I feel desperately sad about separating, but this at least has made me feel a bit more in control of my (and my children's) future.

wholeaves Fri 07-Jan-05 10:39:34

well, thought I would update you.... He took me out for a meal last night (arranged a babysitter etc wtih out me knowing, as I wouldn't have gone) and he has said that he would like us to go to counselling, and if we are still uphappy after relate then we will split up in a rational way, without being spiteful etc. He's asked for 6 months of trying. I guess I owe it to the kids to try it, but the way I feel at the moment I don;t think i can ever love him again.

stressedmummy Sun 09-Jan-05 19:16:22

I have just caught up with this thread & wanted to send you hugs.
Like lulupop says, there are lots of us in similar situations on mumsnet at the moment.
My H has violent outbursts & a terrible temper & although he has never actually hit me, he does terrify both myself & the children.
I am at the stage that you are of being terrified to leave, although I know that it would be a great realise for the boys & myself.
Thinking of you & hope things work out 1 way or another.xx

wholeaves Wed 12-Jan-05 09:58:16

thanks stressed mummy - I expect things will work out for all of us in the end, one way or another. Fell free to CAT me if you want to talk.

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