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Happy New F***ing Year DH

(16 Posts)
Clare1406 Sun 02-Jan-05 23:31:11

Help! So pissed off, DH hates me coz i dare to discipline 2 of his DD's, my SD's. Age 11 & 16. But it's ok for him to shout & scream at them. WE've also got DS age 3, who constantly smacks me, i've just had enough, feel like i'm crackin up, wanna get in the car & just drive as far away as possible. Can't though coz can't stop crying.

Discoinferno Sun 02-Jan-05 23:42:53

I don't have stepkids myself so have no first hand experience. Have you spoken to your husband about dicipline. Do the girls live with you full time, if so then they should show some respect, actually they should have respect regardless.

MrsBigDrumsADrumming Sun 02-Jan-05 23:51:07

no experience with stepkids either, but imho if the kids live with you and you look after them then you also have the right to 'discipline' them.

As for DS... does he smack you maliciously or simply because he doesn't get his way? My dd (just 3) had a phase where she kept biting me! I managed to stop her though with a threat 'bitemonsters have to brush their teeth a lot' Not very helpful I'm afraid.

lavenderr Sun 02-Jan-05 23:51:59

((((((((hugs))))))) Clare1406....I take it you've had quite a lot of time with them this Christmas and haven't had much chance to get away...are you alright

happynewessbee Sun 02-Jan-05 23:52:34

Message withdrawn

Clare1406 Mon 03-Jan-05 00:11:49

can't see keyboard for crying so much. I know DS loves me, when he's naughty i put him in my bedroom for timeout, then i go in, he says sorry mummy then when i won't let him do something he just changes. Just gotta keep going. As for SD's, there's 3 of them, 11, 16, & 18, they can't stand each other but if i try to discipline they all pull together. I think they're jealous of thier dad having a proper family life with me & DS, coz they split up 8 yrs ago, & their mother has always palmed them off on others so she can do her own thing. I't so hard.

MrsBigDrumsADrumming Mon 03-Jan-05 00:15:24

clare1406 - not much help right now, but it sounds like ds is just going through another phase.

DD has now progressed from biting to pouting, pulling a face and then with big crocodile tears storming off into her room. I think she might become an actress one day!

As for the step dd's. Best bet is probably to have a talk with dh (if possible) to set ground rules.

Clare1406 Mon 03-Jan-05 00:24:17

Thanks, keep telling myself it'll pass with DS.
As for groung rules, we have those, but DH is a production mgr by profession, so when he comes home he says the last thing he wants to do is start giving orders. Fair enogh, but don't question me when i do. This is what the argument is about, he thinks i'm too hard, but these girls have had no proper discipline, they're rude, cheeky, obnoxious,scruffy. I'm embarrassed to say 'they're with me'! I resent them too for always arguing when they come round, coz it affects Dylan.

OLittleYurtofBethlehem Mon 03-Jan-05 20:46:47

bumpety bump sorry i cant think of anything to say right now clare but am sending positive cyber hugs {{{{{}}}}}}}}

MrsBigD Mon 03-Jan-05 21:45:04

clare - sounds like you need to have a heart-to-heart with DH and discuss the issue in more detail if possible. Especially if it affects ds then the girls should be put in their place. FFS they're visiting you so could extend some curtesy even if it's to go outside when they've got a tiff! But then again, easier said than done I'm sure. Hope everything works out for you {hugs}

tillykins Mon 03-Jan-05 21:51:03

Clare, this sounds like a terrible situation for you, a lose-lose scenario
Have you told your husband how distressed you are by whats happening and how distressing it is for your son too? It must have an effect on him

Clare1406 Wed 05-Jan-05 22:22:15

Sorry, not got back sooner, me & DH not speaking at mo, can't seem to get out of this rut. Trying to be upbeat for DS sake. AS in if he starts havin a tantrum or smacking me, like he did tonight in tescos, i just walk away from him. Coz i know that my anger with DH & SD's is being directed at DS. Started taking St Johns Wort on Monday, don't know if it's gonna work, seems to have a good reaction with a nice Chardonnay! The lady in the shop asked me how i was feelin, bet she wished she hadn't, started balling in Health Quest!!
I love DH to bits, but don't think we're gonna come back from this, i just can't talk to him it's gone on too long. I resent him for letting the kids behave the way they do, because i don't want DS to be like them. I know that sounds heartless, but i don't know how to get out of this. But then again, i'm being stubborn in thinking it's not gonna work. Seem to be my own worst enemy. Just want a great big squeeze & fairy godmother to make it all better.

colditzmum Wed 05-Jan-05 22:26:27


Sorry, the fairy god mother suit is a bit too tight to leave the house in, and the wand's in the hock-shop cause of the fairy-dust addiction

Clare1406 Wed 05-Jan-05 22:28:00

Forgot to say, thanks for reading & responding.

Clare1406 Wed 05-Jan-05 23:01:34

Thanks CM.
Sitting here with my Blue Nun, coz thats all thatsleft in the house, xmas prezi from Great Granny! Have also just realised that i've eaten a whole box of chocolate brazils, good job not i'm not at work tomorrow.

jojo38 Thu 13-Jan-05 22:59:59

Hi Clare1406
Just caught up.
what a nightmare you are having. I am soooo sorry. {{{{{{Hugs galore}}}}}} Lay of the Nun tho babe. You are gonna need your strength to get thro this one.

The choc will help keep your spirits up enough.

How you doin now? After the storm, should come quiet and calm but in our lives, not a chance!!! Whats it like your end? Are you still seeing red? Are things any better now a routine is back in some sort of order?

I am a step mum but they don't live with me. All I can say to you is - you are one brave woman. I don't think I would want my skids here, even if they had to, I think I would be gone, never seen again... I would take my own kids with me, of course.
It never works with skids... is bio mum still around? It could be the age, what ever is happened with biomum, school, dh not supporting you is probably the most common of all. He feels that he has to protect them in some way... as we all do our own. I have to say that I hate being a step mum. If I was told what it would be like, then I would never have done it.

All I can advise you hun is to keep your strength, get some help with DS - even if it is puttin him with a childminder an afternoon a week. It often gives the child something/one else to think about. Perhaps someone like a childminder has the professional experience of dealing with tantrums and hitting... they have a different kind of understanding and discipline as they give the child back at the end of the day... you have to deal with it 24/7

Give it a go - talk to dh. If he won't help you with his kids then why should you? Let them go off the road for a bit... see how he likes it when you don't give a t**s. I have given up on my ss... thats another story.

You sure can't go on like this. No booze, more chocolate - self preservation time!!

{{{{{{hugs galore}}}}}}

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