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Just found out my brother is a ...............................

(7 Posts)
Dizzylizzy Tue 21-Dec-04 13:51:36

Alcoholic and a woman beater, he divorced his wife a couple of years ago and I have remained friends with her, I always had my suspicions about his attitude and drinking etc but never had anything confirmed. I now have done as he has threatened his ex-wifes fiance, who, is a better father to my nephews that my brother ever was.

He was homeless for a while last year and has now moved in with another woman, they were seen the other week and she had had ten bales knocked out of her, he was paralytic and shouting at the kids (who are not my brothers) and she looked too frightened to say anything.

I have also been told that he will endure some SERIOUS health problems with the next couple of years if he doesn't stop drinking, but he still goes out EVERY night, he has lost his licence 3 times through drink and driving and is still driving his girlfriends car.

I cannot believe that I am related to this thing, I am truly ashamed to call him my brother, I did disown him 2 1/2 years ago after he started threatening me whilst he was drunk, our dad died and in his drunken stupour he said it was my fault he had died, I had to change phone numbers etc and get him warned by the police, to stop him coming to my house.

Even though I would never visit him if I found out he was ill I can help feeling sad for him, he has lost his wife, children, house, sister, driving licence and numerous jobs all through drink, yet I don't have one ounce of pity for him and would not be bothered if I never saw him again.

Am I wrong in feeling this way?

noddyholder Tue 21-Dec-04 13:55:15

No you are not wrong but it sounds like he is an alcoholic and when in the thick of it they are the most manipulating people going.Like any other addict drink is their priority and nothing else matters They often treat those around them appallingly.There is nothing you can do but wait until he comes to the end of the road with it and seeks help.Then offer your support but for now I'd keep away from him if he upsets you so much

IwigitcouldbeXmaseveryday Tue 21-Dec-04 14:33:40

Message deleted

Mum2girls Tue 21-Dec-04 14:40:43

Your brother has killed any feelings you might have had for him - it's not something you can really influence, nor something you should feel guilty about.

makealist Tue 21-Dec-04 15:02:22

My brother is exactly the same plus drug and gambling problems, he made my mum's life miserable (took and sold lots of things that wasn't his, and on numerous occasions getting into debt big time then there would be a "big suicide attempt" then whilst he would be in rehab my parents would bail him out and do all they can to put him on the straight and narrow only to get it all thrown back into their faces a few months down the line.
The funniest thing is a couple of years ago he decided to "disown us" and to be honest we're all pleased he did, I know it might sound selfish but our lives are much happier without him in it. I know deep down it must hurt my mum, but we can't understand how he turned out like this, we all had the same upbringing, it doesn't make any sense at all.
Last we heard through the grapevine was he was homeless again and staying at a shelter.
He had so much and just threw it all away because he doesn't seem to get that you don't just get given a good life you have to work at it.

Dizzylizzy Tue 21-Dec-04 17:08:02

Thank you all for your posts.

Your right, he has killed all feelings that I had for him.

He will not admit he is an alcoholic, but everyone around him can see it before he even speaks, he looks very ill and at least 10 years older than he really is.

Makealist, I feel the same as you, much happier knowing that he is out of our lives and we have nothing to do with him, he has never met my children, nor will he ever do so.

Whilst we were still in contact it was terrible, he was phoning at all hours of the day and night and I got to the point where I couldn't answer the phone for fear of whether he was drunk or not, if he was sober he was fine quite a nice guy really, but woh!! if he had as little as a pint he started off shouting etc.

Noddyholder, I don't think I could offer my support to him if I found out he was ill or homeless again (he had 12 months to go on his mortgage and inherited some money from dad and decided to spend it all on beer instead of paying it off). I don't think I would feel any sympathy at all as he has brought it all on himself.

Its nice to know that I'm not on my own though.

juniperdropofbrandy Tue 21-Dec-04 17:21:31

no you're not wrong IMO either. My brother used to be an alchoholic and we thought he'd end up dead like a lot of his friends, but he was still a nice person iykwim. He's been dry for 5 years now and he's wonderful.

(((hugs))) to you.

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