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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

F***ING DH, am livid. Need to offload.....

84 replies

NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 11:56

DH has just phoned and said 'I need a favour...', turns out that the Director of his company has invited him out on yet another work jolly, this time with the Execs.

He phoned to 'ask' me if he could go, he offered to 'babysit' the kids for me tomorrow so that I could take my Mum out for a meal in the evening, (big of him) which just f*cked me off even more. I told him that I wasn't happy with it but it wasn't my decision, and he said that he felt that he had an obligation to go because he was made employee of the quarter (and given a £100 cheque) last week. I told him that some crappy word processor certificate and a piddling cheque didn't mean that they own his soul.

This will be his FOURTH Christmas work jolly in a fortnight, having been out THREE nights in a row on work parties and after I bent over backwards so that he could go out on the piss for NINE HOURS with his brother on Sunday. I could wring his f**king neck right now.

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Report

NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 11:59

'Do' is tonight

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lockets · 21/12/2004 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

coppertop · 21/12/2004 12:07

on your behalf. Why do some men think that looking after their own child(ren) is "babysitting"???

whitechristmas · 21/12/2004 12:08

you wouldnt be as arsed if youd not made plans! i'd stick to your plans and get him to arrange the baby sitter! you'd made your plans 1st, men just dont think like us do they!

NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 12:10

I really could kick him

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cranberryjampot · 21/12/2004 12:12

dont think MancMidlander did make plans to go out tonight just that her dh's works dos are in a constant stream atm. I would be pissed off too although when i worked for a big firm we would have a firmwide do, a departmental do, a unit do, a do with immediate bosses etc. they can come thick and fast

whitechristmas · 21/12/2004 12:15

she was meant to take her mum out for a meal! can you arrange someone else to watch the kids or aint that an option

Socci · 21/12/2004 12:16

Message withdrawn

SantaFio2 · 21/12/2004 12:19

lighten up lady, let him have his fun its not like he has three kids and a wife at home, is it?

give him a good kick from me too

NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 12:20

That's right, jampot. I appreciate that due to the fact that he is quite senior in a massive company, there are masses of departmental xmas functions. It just pisses me off to the point of kicking the cat (not really), that he puts the MD of his company above me and his kids .

The fact is that DH knew that I'd be less than pleased with this arrangement so he said 'yes' to his director and then just planned to play the 'I don't really want to go but I have to' smoothing it over with the little woman card . He could've quite easily told the person that invited him that he already had plans, what with it being so close to Christmas, I doubt they'd have batted an eyelid. Instead he said 'I'd love to' so that it would make me feel like a bitch for saying that I didn't think it was fair and he'd have to c'crawl' back to his seniors and withdraw his acceptance. Basically shifting any responsibility onto me, classic.

THANKS A FUCKING BUNDLE.

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NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 12:21

busted, Fio

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NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 12:24

Socci, I doubt he'd mind, TBH. He may 'huff' a bit but other than that there'd be no real issue. He does come in late, but that doesn't really bother me. I'd rather he came in at 2am and just kept himself to himself, than stumbled in pi$$ed at 10.30 expecting conversation

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ThomCatsAreNotJustForXmas · 21/12/2004 12:25

Have to say I think 4 nights out in 2 weeks at Xmas is not excessive. It may be annoying and yes it is a lot but not excesive in my opinion, not over the festive season and he could have been like some bastard men out there and just rung and told you he was going.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 21/12/2004 12:34

DHs Christmas socialising is similar and, whilst I don't like it, he's going out with the people who pay his salary or networking with clients. If he didn't do it, he'd cut his promotion prospects and his earning potential. That's not to say I don't get angry but tht's the way it is and that's why we live in the house we do and have the lifestyle we do.

ragtaggle · 21/12/2004 12:36

Sorry but I'm with Thomcat on this one. Four nights isn't excessive in the run up to christmas. And it's my understanding that he isn't ruining a prior arrangement you had with your mum but just offering you the opportunity to go out for an equivalent night tomorrow.(Even if the use of the word 'babysit' is annoying) Why don't you go out and have a really good time with your mum tomorrow night?

MoHoHo2 · 21/12/2004 12:51

Ironically we're in the reverse situation this year (although I have had the last minute phone calls from DH in the past too)
I've had various drinks/ client do's/ team dinners in the last 3-4 weeks and I know DH gets a bit fed up having to do the bed/bath routine for both DSs on his own.
But I think Dragon & Thomcat are right - unfortunately it IS part of the 'deal' with senior jobs, and sadly it does sometimes matter. you can bet that the 'confidences' about next jobs are broken when people are relaxed over a meal and a few glasses of wine.

Think the irritating bit about this for you, MM, is the fact that it's so last minute.
IMHO he's done the best he can - phoned you as soon as he knew, offered to 'make it up' to you. Go out with you Mum and spend his £100 !!

NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 12:52

Feel like I'm being chastised now.

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Socci · 21/12/2004 12:53

Message withdrawn

NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 12:54

He is going out, so he got his way, meanwhile I'll just sit at home and seethe to myself. Oh yes, and get on with the housework as his lordship has told me that he wants it pristine for when his brothers & SILs come over on BH Mon.

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NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 12:56

No, they're all 'no partners' things, which frankly suits me as the last thing I want to do is have to suck up to them too. DH is employed by the company because he is fantastic at his job and gets results, not because he is a first class a*selicker.

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MoHoHo2 · 21/12/2004 12:57

Oh - sorry - MM didn't mean to make you feel chastised!!
Guess what we're saying is that it sounds as if the decision has been made now, and we can understand why you're pi**ed off.

The only thing you can really change in this now is how you feel about it.
Why not call him back and say, "Darling, I was a bit cross at being left with the kids again earlier. But I know it's important to you... blah... blah... so have a good time, won't you. By the way, can you be home by 4 pm tomorrow, as Mum & I have booked a facial & manicure before our night out... Bye! "

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 21/12/2004 12:59

I wasn't chastising you either, honest!

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NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 13:00

MoHoHo, I think those words would choke me right now.

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DaddyCool · 21/12/2004 13:01

I'm with you MacMidlander. Four times is excessive. He could have simply said no or do what I do and say "no sorry, I'm spending that time with my family" and look like a saint in front of everyone at work!

NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 13:02

I know that 'that's the way it is' etc etc, but it doesn't mean that I have to a) Be happy with it all the time, or b) Hold my tongue when it stresses me out. Yes, we have a nice house, nice cars etc, but I would actually prefer time spent with my husband

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