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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

My life fell apart tonight

(42 Posts)
Smashingpumpkin Sat 18-Dec-04 01:50:25

Don't even know if ican write this here am so all over the place I juts don't know what to do.Dp has physically and mentally abused me for all of our five year relationship, have never seen myself as the abused woman but put up wih it as couldn't face reality and give up the charade that is my life. Today after a night out with friends dp became very abusive over a programme I was watching on tv. Basically put me down and riducled me in every way possible, don't get me wrong I argued back but it still hurts. Basically I threw a line at him well below the belt, and admit it, can't believe that I sunk to that level, which resulted in torn clothes, a bleeding ear and a massive lump on my head. Well for once i snapped, phoned my parents (he thought I was bluffing) and basicallya dmitted how bad it is, thus causing the end of our relationship. He felt sorry for himself and has left, drunk and in his car. Am hurt beyond belief really don't know if I can face this, please help me

turquey Sat 18-Dec-04 01:59:32

So sorry to hear this SP - about tonight and everything else you've been through in the past 5 years.
It doesn't matter what you said to him, nothing justifies him abusing you.
Are your parents with you? Is anybody with you?
Have you any children in the house?

Socci Sat 18-Dec-04 02:05:45

Message withdrawn

Socci Sat 18-Dec-04 02:09:06

Message withdrawn

turquey Sat 18-Dec-04 02:09:56

You say you don't know if you can face this, but it sounds like you've faced the worst, and said enough is enough. From here it's up to him to face up to his abuse and do something about it.
Will your parents be supportive?
Slightly at a tangent, that's disturbing to hear that he's driven off drunk. Hopefully a police trap will catch him - doesn't sound like a night in the cells would do him any harm.

turquey Sat 18-Dec-04 02:19:42

Seriously Sp - you say your life fell apart tonight - it sounds like tonight for the first time you took control back and did something about it. Well done for telling your parents, well done for admitting it here - it's been falling apart for 5 years and now you're not going to take it any more. I know it's scary, but you know that you can't take any more. If it's the end of your relationship, well - is it a relationship worth having? Because if there's something there worth salvaging, you've started the salvage job tonight. If not, then you're better off out of it.

Christmassbee Sat 18-Dec-04 03:57:06

Message withdrawn

tatt Sat 18-Dec-04 05:12:58

don't know where my message went....

I'd have phoned the police, tried to get him arrested for drink driving, changed the locks while he was in the cells. If he's been abusing you a while it probably isn't worth trying to save the relationship.

tigermoth Sat 18-Dec-04 06:01:11

I really hope you are feeling supported and safer, sp, whatever you have decided to do. You were very brave to cross that line at last.

oopsanta Sat 18-Dec-04 09:00:21

Smashingpumpkin,
You've taken the first step - i'm sure it will be a hard time for you. But this time next year, maybe this time next month, I'm sure you will be pleased that this night did happen.
You deserve better than what you have put up with. Nobody should be treated like this.
You will find the strength to deal with this. There's plenty of support here, and I'm sure there will be plenty of prctical help too.
Keep posting and believe in yourself- you are going to get through this and come out the other side.
Hope today is ok, and the dust settles so you can make some positive plans.

fostermum Sat 18-Dec-04 10:00:30

i cant personnally comment but seems to me instead of life falling apart that night was the first of the rest of your life,fear free

NotQuiteCockney Sat 18-Dec-04 10:21:08

There's nothing you can say that can justify someone hitting you. Ever. Don't blame yourself, please.

There's lots of help for you, here and in the real world. How are your parents being?

Caribbeanqueen Sat 18-Dec-04 10:38:00

Congratulations for taking such a big step and telling your parents. That should signal the end of the abuse and the start of a new life. You are very brave.

How are things this morning?

spacedonkey Sat 18-Dec-04 11:32:45

{{{ hugs }}} smashingpumpkin

feastofstevenmom Sat 18-Dec-04 11:33:24

how are things this morning, smashingpumpkin?

pedilia Sat 18-Dec-04 11:39:41

You poor thing, well done for breaking the cycle, I have been there and I know how difficult it is. Stay strong and STAY SAFE.

Chepstow1 Sat 18-Dec-04 11:48:52

SP - we are all saying how brave you are, how you have done thhe right thing etc etc, however keep the communication going whatever you decide to do or things pan out in the next few days. I hope that some of the support you have had from this thread may help re assure you that you have made a positive move, however we are also all here whatever your decisions are.

My aunt lived with an abusive man for 35 years. In the early days she came to my Mum for help on a regular basis but always went back. She eventually felt that she could not admit things had gone wrong again, and again and again so she went underground on the whole thing and that was probably the worst thing for her and her family.

Wishing you lots of love, and sending you huge strong vibes over the net!! But we are here whatever happens. Big kisses.

IwigitcouldbeXmaseveryday Sat 18-Dec-04 12:32:20

Message deleted

OhComeLetUsADiorHim Sat 18-Dec-04 18:53:50

SP - I have no experience of this situation, but I am sending you hugs. Listen to EssBee, she has been there and made it through. Please don't let him near you again. xxx

Hulababy Sat 18-Dec-04 19:08:57

(((hugs))) SP; thinking of you.

spacedonkey Sun 19-Dec-04 15:53:05

SP, I hope you are ok, thinking of you X

Gobbledigoose Sun 19-Dec-04 15:59:08

SP - just caught up with this thread and wanted to send big hugs to you.

Don't try and justify his actions - there is no justification for his violence against you and I hope you have the strength to now follow through with what you started last night.

I've no experience of this and can't imagine how frightening and difficult it is but I hope so much that you can start a new life from today.

xxx

mrschristmaswallace Sun 19-Dec-04 19:45:53

are you okay?????????????????

mrschristmaswallace Sun 19-Dec-04 19:48:13

i hope that your with your parents and cant come online, but if you do see this please let us know how you are.be strong hun, yove done the right thing and you will be okay.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

tatt Mon 20-Dec-04 06:51:49

hope you're Ok. Even if you've decided to stay with him for now there will be support for you here when you're ready to leave.

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