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My Libido in the doldrums- any quick fixes please?

(16 Posts)
Naggler Sun 21-Nov-04 18:15:29

Can't afford a holiday or expensive nights out.

Our life is a bit boring right now, and to make it worse I just don't get turned on ATM

any advice welcome.

(established poster, changed name cos don't want dh to catch up with this tho')

tiptop Sun 21-Nov-04 18:33:23

Naggler - I start by feeling in control of my life. i.e. if your children are in school, buy a calendar and diary for next year and put in all the school dates. Discuss with dh who will be covering which inset days and who will take annual leave on what dates. Start planning the holidays (ie non-work times) that you will have together. You will know when by doing the calendar, so next you want to discuss where and doing what. Before you know it, you've something to look forward to. It doesn't matter if the holidays need to be "at home" ones. Go to your tourist information centre and get leaflets of things near-by that you haven't been to yet. Seek out special offers from nearby leisure centres / golf courses / etc. If things need to be done around the home, start planning them ie colours of paint, drooling over wallpaper / furniture / curtains / whatever. See if you can offer to babysit for a friend for their birthday / anniversary / work Christmas party, and they'll offer you back. I find that doing these things that initially sound mundane help to bring dh and I together and works for me! Hth.

kalex Sun 21-Nov-04 18:50:45

Hi Naggler,

My Dp and I don't buy each other gifts, we have "romantic weekends" away, he calls them "dirty weekends". We also each put £10 (a fiver each) away each week and go out, or go away. The spark of making these little times for ourselves really helps keep things alive for us. Fortunately we have lots of Grans and Grandads who love spending time with DD and DS without us, so babysitting is never often a problem.

A little money away each week is sometimes not easy, but giving up on the occasional bottle of wine has been worth it


Naggler Tue 23-Nov-04 16:19:57

Hi thanks for these.

Nothing really fast you can suggest tho? I mean to perk things up over the next few days.

enid Tue 23-Nov-04 16:25:22

A large gin and tonic followed by a bottle of champagne? Bloody brilliant

CountessDracula Tue 23-Nov-04 16:26:56

Cook him a nice dinner and don't wear any knickers, then tell him over pudding....

(plenty of wine with meal first)

Naggler Tue 23-Nov-04 16:50:10

No CD, it's mine, not his, that needs encouragement.

DillyDally Tue 23-Nov-04 17:00:12

2) Tell yourself (and him) you can't touch each other for a few days and see if that starts to get you going- you always want something you cant have etc
3) Make as much time for yourself as poss to ensure you feel as wonderful as possible

pixiefish Tue 23-Nov-04 17:00:57

romantic film???

mckenzie Tue 23-Nov-04 17:03:13

dare I suggest a saucy little book or film to get you thinking saucy thoughts?
and just try wearing no underwear one evening while you're both eating dinner and see if it makes you feel a bit sexy (dont tell DH, keep it your secret).

CountessDracula Tue 23-Nov-04 17:16:08

well I was kind of thinking that might get you going too!

How about a rampant rabbit?

ernest Wed 24-Nov-04 14:03:50

quickest boost I know of - stop taking any hormone contraceptives. works instantly, tho' you risk getting pg

Crystaltips Wed 24-Nov-04 14:08:49

ernest .... my sentiments exactly .... I've just come off the pill ( after 22 years ) .... titter titter !!

Crystaltips Wed 24-Nov-04 14:13:20

Just a thought Naggler - what time do you and DH go to bed?

DH and I used to go to bed at "sleep" time. We'd be knackered - read for about 15 mins and then turn the light out and DH would be asleep within 5 mins.

Now we go to bed about an hour earlier ... do the 15 mins reading - and then find that we have a bit of time on our hands !

The thing I HATED was wanting to go to sleep ( cos I was knackered ) thinking that if we DID have a fumble then I'd be more tired in the morning.

This solution worked for us ....

Bigfatmomma Wed 24-Nov-04 14:16:03

I can vouch for the rabbit .

Otherwise, I find doing some exercise gives me a boost. On the nights I manage to go for a run (just 30-40mins, not exactly speedy), I feel much better about myself physically and much more interested in a bit of the other .

Good luck!

Naggler Tue 28-Dec-04 21:19:16

Just here to update you.

Things have been a bit better of late, and I had sex a couple of times when I wasn't bothered, but enjoyed it once we got started.

DH knows how I've been feeling, and was quite understanding about it.

As part of my Christmas present he bought me DVDs, "Great sex over 40" vols 1 and 2, and four different books from the erotic print society, so he seems determined to get thigs 'back on track'

I am making a New Year resolution that we'll get to bed earlier so I don't feel quite so knackered all the time. I'm hoping that the fact that dh and I have just both got new jobs (part-time for me) will let me feel less stressed about money too, so perhaps that'll help.

Thanks for all your suggestions. Will try them all, and any more you can make.

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